I think she needs to attend a full 2 years before thinking about transferring. There is no way DD should find her Father's "no" unacceptable when it was she who picked the school. Every decision has consequences. Too bad. She has to live with hers.

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:To add- we live in Maryland so I brought up in UMD as an option with DD seemed okay with but DH put on list of "will not pay for". He gave a list of universities he would consider acceptable which was limited to Chicago, Duke, MIT, Stanford, Caltech, AWS, JHU, Northwestern, RICE, Vandy, Michigan, and Berkeley.

JHU but tell him UMD is cheap she can probably pay that one on her own and ask DH for help buying a house instead

+2 for JHU. Bring her back to Maryland, where she has a greater chance of connecting to old friends or new ones from Maryland. Some of her challenge is just too much newness. She can easily get to mountains or beaches to get away from an urban setting, or she can take advantage of doing things in Baltimore or DC.

If OP is genuine and the list of schools her daughter is looking at is also genuine, then I have to wonder how the girl ended up at Columbia in the first place. Looks like she just wants easy classes and to party every weekend. And why is Colgate on it?

Her problem is math. It's an intense major. And attracts specific kinds of students. Suggest to daughter that she change majors to something less stressful.

If still wanting to transfer, consider Penn. It will be more laid back, more preprofessional and enjoying weekend parties and less philosophical.

Echo those that say to look at the top LACs. Some are just as good academically as Columbia in a much different environment.

Also, not all the Ivies are the same either. They all have different personalities and settings.

Ffs, if she wants to tone down the academic intensity, Williams & Amherst are not the answer.

Wanting to downshift to a less-intense school makes perfect sense. She’s still going to learn math at FSU or Miami…maybe she’d also like to decompress on the weekends, go to a party where not everybody is talking about politics or Heidegger, or get more sleep.

Her list is very incoherent. Many of those schools are drastically different from one another. If she’s unhappy where she is now, why does she think she’d be happier at these schools?

If she thinks they will be academically easier than where she is now, you’ll be in the same place in a year as you are now if she transfers.

I’d recommend finishing the freshman year successfully and then taking a gap year if she’s struggling away from home. She could use that time to work locally and mature. She should start by talking to a dean or advisor at her current school about this.

Adjusting to college is tough and it can take the full year

Your DH is right she needs to stay and you need to help her be more realistic. At another college she will face the same challenges and more bc she is a transfer student. She needs your support and she needs help understanding that it is an adjustment and that it is uncomfortable and something she might have to work at more than she believes she should.

I see you've now identified the school as Columbia.

If she wants to transfer, I'd try Williams and Amherst assuming they have strong math departments--I don't know. I note they are on your H's list.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not that easy to transfer sophomore year

Have her come home community college then reapply

Her list is garbage honestly penn state Florida state to Colgate WTH? Who made that list ?

I agree with DH she stays or community college then she pays school of her choice

It’s not because her current school is an ivy that I agree with him it’s because she’s immature clearly from her list and should not be a four year school

She’s immature not college ready

You’re an idiot.

I think a compromise between DD and DH m=is your best bet. Michigan and Berkeley offer a fuller college experience. Talk to your DD about transferring to those two schools. She's bound to get in to at least one of them.

The Ivies are all different. If she's miserable and unhappy at Cornell, she might not be at Brown or Dartmouth--which are very different than Cornell and each other. Light years ago,there was a kid who was miserable at Harvard and transferred to Williams and was very happy. (Yes, I know, Williams is not an Ivy. It is still a top tier school.) Another transferred from Princeton to Yale--and had a much better experience.

Sometimes even a switch in major can turn things around. Math majors may be a more than typically intense group. (Pre meds are intense almost everywhere.) I know someone who majored in ecomonics at Harvard for 2 years and was miserable. She switched majors to a foreign language and "everyone is too intense' problem was miraculously solved.She had straight As in her econ classes, BTW, but many of the required classes were huge; she felt unseen by her profs. Her foreign lang classes were small; all her profs knew her name after a week of class. She liked her fellow majors much more.

I have never bought the "a less selective school is less academically intense" argument. Sometimes it is, but sometimes the fight for the "goodies" is more intense. There may be honors classes that are hard to get into. It may be hard to get into seminars with top professors. Applications for prestigious internships, summer programs, etc. may be screened. Classes may be graded on a curve and students may be very competitive.

If your D is set on being a math major, has she checked out the math departments at the schools on her list? Will her credits all transfer? What courses are required to major? How big are the classes? Who teaches them?

Some of the schools on her list have a strong Greek culture. She may not have a great chance of getting a sorority bid as a sophomore transfer. (At other schools, she will.) Has she done enough investigating to know? It can be hard to make friends as a sophomore transfer. Is she aware of that?

If she needs to transfer, she needs to transfer, but that list is odd, to say the least. I don't think she's done her homework. Maybe she needs to take a gap year.

Is it possible the husband is abusing the wife emotionally? Using finances to control her? The wife should think about finding some domestic violence help resources. Financial abuse is real.

Caltech is a big pressure cooker. Hard pass.

dcmom12345 wrote:To add- we live in Maryland so I brought up in UMD as an option with DD seemed okay with but DH put on list of "will not pay for". He gave a list of universities he would consider acceptable which was limited to Chicago, Duke, MIT, Stanford, Caltech, AWS, JHU, Northwestern, RICE, Vandy, Michigan, and Berkeley.

JHU but tell him UMD is cheap she can probably pay that one on her own and ask DH for help buying a house instead

dcmom12345 wrote:The Ivy is Columbia for clarification. Loved NYC and campus when visited now says she feels stressed not only by intense students but of the intense and fast pace vibe of the city.

Interesting. I have a kid there and I know it is intense particularly with the Core. However, it's a great education. There seem to be lots of options for entertainment there. My DD had issues making friends there too but what helped is joining clubs that she was interested in. Has she tried that. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it. Perhaps she could try to transfer to Brown (heard a little less pressure), Georgetown, or maybe Duke. A west coast SLAC say the Claremont colleges--they are pretty prestigious and may pass "muster" with your DH.