Anonymous
12/26/2023 10:23
Subject: What would you have said?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^^^
I didn't answer your question. I would have said "larla, auntie Susie is right. Please address her the way she wants to be called"
Op here. Sorry I failed to mention that aunt Susie really doesn’t care about being called aunt, and my child always calls her by her name when we are just us without the rest of the extended family.
Ah new details!
+1 you and your child were wrong.
+2. You aren’t from this country yet you push back against our customs. That isn’t doing your child a favor.
US born and raised and this is not my family’s custom. Don’t paint with such a broad brush.
But it is a custom in OP's husband's family, which is the only family that matters here. Where are all these OPs from where nobody has manners? Such as we don't have any honorific for older family members, we never say thank you, shoes in the house, etc? Where is this awful place people hail from?
Anonymous
12/26/2023 09:56
Subject: What would you have said?
Oh, this one bugs me. My much younger brother recently got married. My mother now expects my children to call my SIL “Aunt Jane” instead of Jane. My children are teens and have known Jane for years as Jane and Jane is not even 10 years older than my oldest. Jane is fine still being Jane and my kids find it super annoying (as do I) that my mother will not let this go.
Point being, if an adult is fine being called Jane, this is no one else’s business and your SIL should mind her own.
Point being, if an adult is fine being called Jane, this is no one else’s business and your SIL should mind her own.
Anonymous
12/26/2023 09:36
Subject: Re:What would you have said?
Anonymous wrote:1. People are allowed to be called what they like. If Susie is fine being called Susie instead of Aunt Susie, your child shouldn’t have been reprimanded.
2. SIL has no right to reprimand your child in front of you and on a matter that doesn’t affect her. She’s a pot-stirrer. You and your child would do well to avoid her.
All of this. It’s up to you to teach your kids these things. I find it disrespectful when my kids call some people on DH’s side Susie instead of Aunt Susie. I keep my mouth shut since it doesn’t bother them. My sister made it clear from day one she was Aunt Jane so they have always called her Aunt Jane. They wouldn’t think of calling her Jane.
Anonymous
12/26/2023 09:08
Subject: What would you have said?
I was brought up that it is rude to address an adult by their first name like that, without "Aunt" or "Uncle" or whatever in front of it.
Kind of an old-fashioned attitude now, though.
Kind of an old-fashioned attitude now, though.
Anonymous
12/26/2023 09:04
Subject: What would you have said?
Anonymous wrote:Op - we are in nyc and all of these rules are completely foreign and bizarre to me. And doubtless mostly expected by older generations. My kids call adults by their first names including their teachers. No one cares. Anyone who has a problem with that needs way way way bigger issues to worry about.
You do you - sil needs to get a life
Calling someone or referring to them as "aunt" is
completely foreign and bizarre to me
Put down the eggnog.
It describes a family relationship, a fact.
Anonymous
12/26/2023 09:04
Subject: What would you have said?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:^^^
I didn't answer your question. I would have said "larla, auntie Susie is right. Please address her the way she wants to be called"
Op here. Sorry I failed to mention that aunt Susie really doesn’t care about being called aunt, and my child always calls her by her name when we are just us without the rest of the extended family.
Ah new details!
+1 you and your child were wrong.
+2. You aren’t from this country yet you push back against our customs. That isn’t doing your child a favor.
US born and raised and this is not my family’s custom. Don’t paint with such a broad brush.
Anonymous
12/26/2023 09:04
Subject: Re:What would you have said?
I'm in my 50's, and from the South, and even so, there is still context to this. I called my grandparent's sisters "Aunt First Name." I called my parents siblings, who were between 10 and 20 years older than me, by their first name. If the aunt is young, or prefers to be called by her first name, there is nothing wrong with that.
Anonymous
12/26/2023 09:02
Subject: What would you have said?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:SIL is nuts
Op. That’s what my husband said
Her mother seemed familiar with her attempts to ruin holidays. Sad.
I'd let it go and move on, OP.
Anonymous
12/26/2023 09:00
Subject: What would you have said?
Is Susis your SILs and husband’s aunt? If they call her Aunt Susie and always have, it is weird your kid doesn’t. Your kid should follow the customs in the family. You don’t get to plead ignorance and then get mad when it’s pointed out, and finally gleeful when your husband insults his sister, which brought you a lot of joy. You don’t like her, it’s obvious. You sound awfully mannerless yourself.
Anonymous
12/26/2023 08:56
Subject: What would you have said?
Op - we are in nyc and all of these rules are completely foreign and bizarre to me. And doubtless mostly expected by older generations. My kids call adults by their first names including their teachers. No one cares. Anyone who has a problem with that needs way way way bigger issues to worry about.
You do you - sil needs to get a life
You do you - sil needs to get a life
Anonymous
12/26/2023 08:55
Subject: What would you have said?
What does your kid call SIL? Clearly she wants to be called Aunt SIL and was using Aunt Susie as an example.
Was your kid getting upset over SILs remarks or was your kid just ignoring her?
Was your kid getting upset over SILs remarks or was your kid just ignoring her?
Anonymous
12/26/2023 08:37
Subject: Re:What would you have said?
In the south, you use Miss/Mr. First Name.
In Catholic school, it’s Mr./Dr./Miss/Mrs. Last Name.
Your child should use what the current subculture or age range calls for.
In Catholic school, it’s Mr./Dr./Miss/Mrs. Last Name.
Your child should use what the current subculture or age range calls for.
Anonymous
12/26/2023 05:46
Subject: What would you have said?
Anonymous wrote:OP, what does your kid call your SIL, who is her aunt?
At any rate, even though Aunt S is fine with being called just S, it is good that your kid learned (and now you have, too, by reading this thread) that many, many adults don’t like kids calling them by their first names. I’ve taught my kids to stay more formal and then can use first names if invited to do so.
SIL was telling you and your kid important information, even if it was delivered poorly and didn’t quite fit the Aunt S situation.
*start more formal…
Anonymous
12/26/2023 05:45
Subject: What would you have said?
OP, what does your kid call your SIL, who is her aunt?
At any rate, even though Aunt S is fine with being called just S, it is good that your kid learned (and now you have, too, by reading this thread) that many, many adults don’t like kids calling them by their first names. I’ve taught my kids to stay more formal and then can use first names if invited to do so.
SIL was telling you and your kid important information, even if it was delivered poorly and didn’t quite fit the Aunt S situation.
At any rate, even though Aunt S is fine with being called just S, it is good that your kid learned (and now you have, too, by reading this thread) that many, many adults don’t like kids calling them by their first names. I’ve taught my kids to stay more formal and then can use first names if invited to do so.
SIL was telling you and your kid important information, even if it was delivered poorly and didn’t quite fit the Aunt S situation.
Anonymous
12/26/2023 05:26
Subject: What would you have said?
It all depends on what Aunt Susie wants to be called. SIL has overreacted.