Anonymous wrote:if neighbor was single and childless and had no one to spend holidays with, yes i would say you're a jerk

but this guy has a family he is choosing not to spend time with, so no, i dont feel that sorry for him and i wouldn't invite him around if i didnt like him

Wow. So many people here with this empathy-free, compassion-free attitude.

You must all have perfect families, or at least families without a single toxic person, families with no one who has ever abused you, or just been a jerk, or who wants to talk controversy/politics/whatever is noxious and holiday-wrecking, around the dinner table.

Lucky you, to be so fortunate, and so blithely smug.

And before you start saying, "Suck it up for one day!" blah blah....You must not know anyone who has real and serious reasons for "choosing not to spend time with" family. That choice is sometimes made out of self-preservation. Again: You have zero idea how fortunate you are, and you likely think you're noble and wonderful for "choosing to spend time with" your relatives you don't care for much but, hey, they're family. And you think that's sacred....

if neighbor was single and childless and had no one to spend holidays with, yes i would say you're a jerk

but this guy has a family he is choosing not to spend time with, so no, i dont feel that sorry for him and i wouldn't invite him around if i didnt like him

Anonymous wrote:HEBREWS 13:2

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

What's that quote about reading the thread so that you don't repeat things?

We now have a rule in our family. We don't invite other people's castoffs. It has never gone well. There is a reason they have burnt bridges.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you telling the OP she is not nice don’t have neighbors in your house on Christmas Day.

We do. We have an elderly woman who lives across the street and is alone and when I saw her a few days ago I invited her. She’s a bit quirky but she will be entertained by our six grandchildren ten and under. Party starts in an hour and I’m all set!

Well that’s great because it sounds like you are having a party with at least 12 people so one more is not that big a deal. We have just five including three teens that spent most of the day in their room and I had a ton of work to do/. Not every family celebrate the same and it doesn’t sound like OP was having a party. I hope her husband does the work of chit chatting with the neighbor after having invited him.

Sounds like you had a joy filled Christmas. Not!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - I def don’t think dh is the a.
I just am not thrilled and wondering if that makes me an a.
I would mind less if the neighbor was less weird and annoying or if the neighbor truly had no one. But the neighbor just didn’t want to go to his own family so I don’t think it should be our problem to have to host him.

OP is not an A.

This is an odd imposition of the neighbor.

NP. The neighbor is not "imposing." It would be an imposition if the neighbor had turned up or invited himself. But the OP's DH invited him.

And OP, no one is TA here, not you, not DH, not the neighbor. My own very kind DH would likely do the same thing in similar circumstances. I hope you were able at a minimum to put on your game face and just deal, and I'm betting that the neighbor likely didn't stay too long, right?

Anonymous wrote:Op - I def don’t think dh is the a.
I just am not thrilled and wondering if that makes me an a.
I would mind less if the neighbor was less weird and annoying or if the neighbor truly had no one. But the neighbor just didn’t want to go to his own family so I don’t think it should be our problem to have to host him.

OP is not an A.

This is an odd imposition of the neighbor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you telling the OP she is not nice don’t have neighbors in your house on Christmas Day.

We do. We have an elderly woman who lives across the street and is alone and when I saw her a few days ago I invited her. She’s a bit quirky but she will be entertained by our six grandchildren ten and under. Party starts in an hour and I’m all set!

Certainly you had a more memorable Christmas than the Scrooge that can’t be bothered to set an extra place for a neighbor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you telling the OP she is not nice don’t have neighbors in your house on Christmas Day.

We do. We have an elderly woman who lives across the street and is alone and when I saw her a few days ago I invited her. She’s a bit quirky but she will be entertained by our six grandchildren ten and under. Party starts in an hour and I’m all set!

Well that’s great because it sounds like you are having a party with at least 12 people so one more is not that big a deal. We have just five including three teens that spent most of the day in their room and I had a ton of work to do/. Not every family celebrate the same and it doesn’t sound like OP was having a party. I hope her husband does the work of chit chatting with the neighbor after having invited him.

I'm socially anxious, and would freak out if my husband did this. Because then we'd have to talk in English, and not our native language on this special day, I'd have to actually schedule the meal instead of winging it as I like to do in a relaxed manner, and I would worry that our house is not presentable, our food not plentiful (I only made enough for 4), etc, etc.

But I would smile and bear it, and ask my husband not to do that again. Yes, I'm selfish with my Christmas Day, contrary to the spirit of the season.

HEBREWS 13:2

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.

How did it go?

YTA

NTA. Is it just your immediate family and this guy? Awkward. A little less so if you have other guests as well.

YTA