Anonymous wrote:When your teenager has their bf or gf over, where do they hang out? Where are you? How often do you interact with them/make your presence known?
My oldest (daughter) has her first boyfriend and it sounds like they have a lot of plans to hang out over the upcoming break. DH and I both had very hands off parents so we are trying to figure out the balance of giving them space/privacy but also wanting to make sure things dont go too far.

Op our dd is only 12. Her middle school bc is 12. I want to ban it, but I know how I reacted when my mom banned my dating until older. I did it anyway, and now without ANY guidance.

So here we are. So far they barely talk because, again it’s middle school.

But they want to get together once over the break. At his house. And now this new experience have arrived. It’s like, this first occasion isn’t going to make or break us. But, it sets a precedent.

I wish it was planned at our house. Even then, I’m feeling his parents being just as cautious as us.

Again, it’s not an issue for this time, but this could set a path for future expectations…

Anonymous wrote:Op, depends on the house set-up. We felt lucky believing, for us, we had the ideal house layout. Lower level rec room w/tv was a separate floor but not entirely private since it could be seen from some areas of the living room above. I think it's a fine line. You don't snoop but you also don't change your ordinary coming and going (doing laundry, for example), if you need to walk through the room. More intimacy than you're comfortable with, may happen somewhere sometime but it's reasonable that you don't alter your routine to promote the opportunity.

Another interested NP here. We are at the very start of relationships for our oldest, so it’s time to think about it.

Our basement is so secluded. I can’t shout down and be heard for example. My voice goes down the stairs, around two corners, and there is a sliding door that can be closed.

They’d hear me coming from a mile away too…

So, I worry about basement hanging out. DH puts a bunch of blankets down there for movie watching. I’m like “no blankets!!!”

Anonymous wrote:We go the route of encourage safety and comfort first and let the kid set those boundaries.

This is the way.

Even if you are absolutely sure you don’t want DD having sex yet, make sure condoms are always readily available to her, no questions asked:

I was doing it in the woods by 15. So teens are going to no matter what. Do I want them to in my house? No. Are they allowed in bedrooms or when a parent isn’t home? No.

But they are allowed in the finish basement and they watch movies, play video games and hang out. Do I think they have sex? Maybe but rarely - and I am not going to call down or bother them.

I communicate a lot with them. I want them to wait but I also realize teens are do freaking horny and sometimes they don’t wait. And that’s ok too

Both of my girls are on BCP and I know one is sexually actively with her boyfriend. Pretty sure the other is still a Virgin. We are cautious. I still want them to use condemns too.

OP here, as I said, neither my husband nor I were having sex in hs but even if we had been neither of our parents would have known. I did walk in on my 12 year old sister in our family room one day and my best friend got pregnant while her parents were upstairs. So I know kids are going to do whatever they’re going to do.
Again, we’re at the beginning of this so I’m just trying to learn from others. We have had, and will continue to have, conversations about consent, boundaries and safe sex over the coming years.
It is reaffirming to hear that our rules are pretty much the norm.