Your husband is WAY too concerned about whether two other ADULTS are having sex. They're probably having sex all the time, so I don't know what he thinks he's accomplishing by alienating his future son-in-law. He needs to climb down from his Patriarchy Throne and accept reality.

Nobody wants to sleep on a living room couch in a family home. It's awkward.

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible for you to talk to your DD and BF and request that it's important for you to have them at home and you would appreciate it if they won't let father's hung ups (due to his conservative upbringing or religious views) ruin a good time for you and her siblings.

Nope- talk to your DH if you want to talk anyone into changing their mind.

Your husband set a stupid rule and she, as an adult, is not required to go along with it. She is compromising and staying in a hotel.

Parents don't be stupid and continue to pretend that your adult, self-reliant offspring are not adults. Treat them like the adults they are.

Is it possible for you to talk to your DD and BF and request that it's important for you to have them at home and you would appreciate it if they won't let father's hung ups (due to his conservative upbringing or religious views) ruin a good time for you and her siblings.

*To be fair, daughter is making a compromise. If it bother your DH that she is spending money and not spending much time with the family then either he can let her decide where her BF sleeps or pay for a nearby hotel.

It's not the real issue where BF sleeps. I find it bothersome that your husband or daughter wouldn't accommodate each other's point of view.

Your husband and daughter are both right. He gets to make the rules for his house and she can decide if she wants to stay there or not. I have a great relationship with my parents but they are different from me and I don't agree with everything that they do. So when I visit if its short enough I'll stay with them. If its longer and I think I'm going to be uncomfortable then I stay at a hotel. Your husband has offered accommodation your daughter and her bf don't want to take you up on it. Your response should be "no problem can't wait to see you".
This is not that hard.

They will continue to stay at a hotel once married and have kids. You have set the distance with them for all future visits.

If dad is a bit of an AH then it will be a pleasant break for them to go back to the hotel at night, sleep in in the morning and then spend a bit less time with him at your house. That's a win win for dad and the happy couple.

Keep in mind that when visiting parents after having lived apart it's highly likely that adult child does not really want to maximize time at parent's home. They need their own adulting private time. Also 25 min is not that far away, NBD.

I don’t think there is a “right” or “wrong” on the sleeping arrangements.

DH and I had separate rooms when visiting his parents, right up until we were married. Even when we’d been engaged 6 months, wedding was in 3 months, and we’d been living together almost 2 years. They told DH that they understood we were adults but they just couldn’t bring themselves to endorse those choices. Silly IMHO, but that was their line.

My parents always had us stay in one room, even when we’d only been dating 6 months.

Where I think your DH DID go wrong is on his reaction to them getting a hotel. It’s ok for him to draw a line in your house (although ideally you and he would discuss it between yourselves and have an agreed-upon position, not just “his” rules). They can choose to follow those rules or go elsewhere. He can be disappointed in their choice to go elsewhere, but it’s really not appropriate to get mad about it.

At minimum you need to rearrange so he gets a room. Daughter doubles up with siblings or you and daughter in master and let DH sleep on sofa bed with while bf gets daughter's room.

The attempt to control backfired there. Knowing that you disapprove of their relationship sure is welcoming.

They are self-supporting grown-ups. They have the right to stay at a hotel. you’re not even allowing the boyfriend to sleep in a real bedroom. Who wants to sleep on a pullout couch in a den with no real door.

His rule is silly. Surely he knows they can share a bed whenever they want in NYC, right? She is a fully self supporting adult. I agree with the PPs that if you had an actual guest room near your daughter’s room, it would be a more reasonable request. But you really expect a 25 year old man to sleep on a couch behind glass walls?? That’s pretty horrible.

It’s your house and you’re allowed to make house rules. Your daughter is an adult and has found a solution - a hotel is a much better idea than sharing a house with a judgmental jerk for a dad!

They should stay in the same room. That's silly. I would also get a hotel.