Joint everything. But DH makes way, way more than me (like 30 times what I make - he's a biglaw partner). I know everything is kept in joint accounts and neither of us has a "personal" pot from which to spend, and we talk about every purchase we make (separately or together), 100% transparency, but I cannot help but feel that it is "his" money, so if I didn't agree with somethign he wanted to buy (second home, expensive flights, etc) I really cannot say no. He says all the time that it is our money, that he could not earn his share if not for me, etc. But it still feels off kilter.

We have everything separate, just communicate regularly about funds. We both work, started with similar salaries, now DH makes several times what I make. I put all the bills, he just sends money ask needed.

We have been (happily) married 15 years, and this works fine for us because we have similar spending habits and the same financial goals and values. I don’t think joint versus separate matters if there is trust.

We’ve been married a long time, similar income disparity and that is what we do, OP.

The only time it doesn’t work is if one of you is dishonest or starts hiding assets or debts. Outside of that, you all should be good.

If that does happen, the honest one takes over the money management more.

Different arrangements work (and don't work) for different people. If something works FOR BOTH OF YOU, then it is fine. There is no single, right way to do it.

We just have a joint checking and joint savings accounts so everything is totally mixed. 20+ years and two kids later, we haven't changed things.

It's a first time marriage for each of us, we both worked, lacked any family money, didn't have any kids coming into it - changing any of those factors might have changed our arrangement.

Anonymous wrote:We have one joint checking account, then we each kept one credit card account from pre-marriage. My card gets Amazon reward points and is used for household purchases. Husband also has a card. I don’t have a card for his because I don’t need it. We each have logins for both cards but we ask first since those are the cards we use to buy gifts for each other.

We don’t have to approve every purchase just larger ones. Like hey I want to get a new coat, it’s $200, you ok with that? And it’s usually yes but wait until payday or put it on the credit card, etc.

Another reason why I am so glad I am not married anymore. Financial autonomy.

It depends on the circumstances. I did not share my trust money with my husband though we used it for downpayments, etc. He hated that he couldn't control it. We are divorced now though.

Joint accounts for everything, we agreed early in to talk to each other if either one of us wanted to spend more than $1,000 on something. If we are buying big ticket items, we are usually doing it together anyway. Hasn't been an issue in 25+ years of marriage

Anonymous wrote:Why the separate accounts for personal spending? Do you both judge each other for purchases if you see them on an account statement but otherwise ignore?

I prefer it, because, for that money, there is no need to discuss with partner before spending it.

Separate accounts. We had joint at first, then changed it. We each pay for different things, like different utilities, roughly split equally based on our incomes. We did not get along when we had a joint account. DH is the type who watches every penny and questioned all my purchases. I am frugal but like to spend a bit more. We have been doing this for 20 years out of 32. It works for us. We discuss investments but also do most of this on our own too.

The problem is that if it's a joint account he sees it his responsibility, to control and worrying it. I think separate accounts alleviated his anxiety. That's just the way he is with money. In my case, I don't have to worry that he's a spendthrift because he isn't. I like the freedom I have to not have him looking at my account. I manage it and we trust each other.

Do what works for you. There is not a one-size-fits-all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have a joint checking and savings account, and we also have our own checking accounts. We give ourselves a certain amount of money each paycheck for personal spending and the rest is auto invested and goes to the joint checking/savings accounts. Joint accounts are used for household and couple expenses, personal accounts are used for hobbies, etc.

Is this a good way to do it? We are just starting out. I have a much higher income so it feels more fair to have joint accounts vs keeping everything separate.

Yep! This is exactly what we do. Personal spending should be well defined though. Like if you both go to dinner does one pay from personal spending? We do. This makes it easier when you have kids too. Also, there are no questions when DH buys a new racing bike or I buy those expensive boots. If I have the money in my account, I get them. And the added bonus is that at Christmas you can truly surprise your spouse!

We did this for several years when we were younger. DH came from a low income family and made me feel guilty for buying pretty much anything beyond basic living expenses. We had separate savings accounts and would put equal amounts in every month. We don't have them anymore - eventually he loosened up - but I think those accounts are part of what helped. He saw that we could pay for all living expenses out of the joint account, and then he saw the extra piling up in his own account and realized "hey, I can buy that road bike I always wanted." The added benefit was that I wasn't nagging him about if he really needed that high end fancy pants bike or if a cheaper model would be good enough

Don't let people make you feel bad about handling your finances in a way that fits your family the best. As long as both parties are happy, you're way ahead of the game.

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have a joint checking and savings account, and we also have our own checking accounts. We give ourselves a certain amount of money each paycheck for personal spending and the rest is auto invested and goes to the joint checking/savings accounts. Joint accounts are used for household and couple expenses, personal accounts are used for hobbies, etc.

Is this a good way to do it? We are just starting out. I have a much higher income so it feels more fair to have joint accounts vs keeping everything separate.

My husband and I have always done it this way as well, right from the start. And the amount that goes into our personal accounts is the same dollar amount (not percentage based like so many seem to advocate). Over the years I have earned way more, then we earned about the same, now he earns way more, and I can honestly say we have never once fought or even had a disagreement about money.

Happily married for almost 20 years FWIW.

We started out as you have things now, and I was the high earner. Then, DH lost his job, and we realized it was an artifice to have separate accounts. We were married--it's not as if I was going to let our house get foreclosed on because DH lost his job and the house was in his name. We just combined everything and re-titled the house jointly and haven't looked back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have a joint checking and savings account, and we also have our own checking accounts. We give ourselves a certain amount of money each paycheck for personal spending and the rest is auto invested and goes to the joint checking/savings accounts. Joint accounts are used for household and couple expenses, personal accounts are used for hobbies, etc.

Is this a good way to do it? We are just starting out. I have a much higher income so it feels more fair to have joint accounts vs keeping everything separate.

Yep! This is exactly what we do. Personal spending should be well defined though. Like if you both go to dinner does one pay from personal spending? We do. This makes it easier when you have kids too. Also, there are no questions when DH buys a new racing bike or I buy those expensive boots. If I have the money in my account, I get them. And the added bonus is that at Christmas you can truly surprise your spouse!

No and no again.

I’m glad this works for you.

However OP’s wife makes less is she a second class citizen? What if he brings in $500 k a year and she $100k. So what she can’t buy using those expensive boots previous poster bought?

Trust you either trust them fully or not

All money goes into joint accounts.

Plus if you don’t trust your partner why are you married?

In red states this will be even more of an issue moving forward.

Prenup different come into the marriage with more money sure but anything brought in during the marriage should be joint.

NP. It depends how you set it up. I make more than DH. We each keep $500 every month in our personal accounts. Everything else goes into the joint account. This means that I contribute much more, but we both have the same amount available for personal spending. It works well for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I have a joint checking and savings account, and we also have our own checking accounts. We give ourselves a certain amount of money each paycheck for personal spending and the rest is auto invested and goes to the joint checking/savings accounts. Joint accounts are used for household and couple expenses, personal accounts are used for hobbies, etc.

Is this a good way to do it? We are just starting out. I have a much higher income so it feels more fair to have joint accounts vs keeping everything separate.

Yep! This is exactly what we do. Personal spending should be well defined though. Like if you both go to dinner does one pay from personal spending? We do. This makes it easier when you have kids too. Also, there are no questions when DH buys a new racing bike or I buy those expensive boots. If I have the money in my account, I get them. And the added bonus is that at Christmas you can truly surprise your spouse!

No and no again.

I’m glad this works for you.

However OP’s wife makes less is she a second class citizen? What if he brings in $500 k a year and she $100k. So what she can’t buy using those expensive boots previous poster bought?

Trust you either trust them fully or not

All money goes into joint accounts.

Plus if you don’t trust your partner why are you married?

In red states this will be even more of an issue moving forward.

Prenup different come into the marriage with more money sure but anything brought in during the marriage should be joint.

We have one joint checking account, then we each kept one credit card account from pre-marriage. My card gets Amazon reward points and is used for household purchases. Husband also has a card. I don’t have a card for his because I don’t need it. We each have logins for both cards but we ask first since those are the cards we use to buy gifts for each other.

We don’t have to approve every purchase just larger ones. Like hey I want to get a new coat, it’s $200, you ok with that? And it’s usually yes but wait until payday or put it on the credit card, etc.