Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is on antidrepessants and anti anxiety meds. I'm on medical marijuana and microdose mushrooms. We live on separate wings of the house. Don't vacation together. Socialize together 1x a year max. Like this, it has finally become bearable.

Things we tried but don't do anymore because it was bad/not helpful: couples counseling, individual therapy, separation, religion

Can we be friends? Seriously, all the women here who are in marriages that sound like mine, I need a tribe. My single friends do not understand.

I’m a single person and I would love to join the tribe. I’ll sit quietly and listen - it will be balm for my sometimes lonely and regretful soul.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is on antidrepessants and anti anxiety meds. I'm on medical marijuana and microdose mushrooms. We live on separate wings of the house. Don't vacation together. Socialize together 1x a year max. Like this, it has finally become bearable.

Things we tried but don't do anymore because it was bad/not helpful: couples counseling, individual therapy, separation, religion

Can we be friends? Seriously, all the women here who are in marriages that sound like mine, I need a tribe. My single friends do not understand.

We can be friends!
My friends definitely don't understand why I don't divorce. Because right now I have 100% custody.
I forgot to add in that he's tried anger management classes and is a proud graduate of 3 courses :-|
And we don't ever drive anywhere together anymore. And he only drives himself. That's helped a lot because his anger unleashes while on the road.

DP

I’ll be in your tribe too.

My DH has completed half of an anger management class. Separation was a disaster. He harassed me throughout. We are back in the house and I enjoy the 100% custody. I do not mind having him around on holidays or whatever.

We are in couples therapy, and I hate it. I have mostly gotten him to cut out his threats (very escalated — think police, lawyers, court, restraining orders, public humiliation, divorce, on a weekly or biweekly basis) and false accusations, but occasionally they resurface in therapy. I thought he was mentally ill but since we started therapy he has dropped like 80% of the behavior so it must just be massive manipulation and maybe some untreated trauma plus a good dose of being an a**hole.

I recently had a vision though that helped. In it I realized he was not really my life partner. That I would meet someone else who was truthful and loving and normal. I felt a sense of joy I haven’t felt in a long time. Looking forward and moving forward towards that in my own life. Have several more years with kids at home, but that is OK. I have a lot to keep me busy and a lot I can do on my own to fulfill myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Constant belittling me and gaslighting. Nothing I did was good enough. I was working and paying all the bills. He did not work for 14 years, but refused to help at home. He told me if we divorced I would have to pay alimony for him. He passed 2 years ago. I am stuck with his debts that he had hidden from me.

I know my marriage is unhappy because I have more than a tinge of jealousy for this lady with the dead husband.

I totally get this! I often fantasize about being a widow...

Yes! Me too! I dream about having the house to myself, or downsizing, or dating! Oh, the peace and quiet! The sex with new men!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Constant belittling me and gaslighting. Nothing I did was good enough. I was working and paying all the bills. He did not work for 14 years, but refused to help at home. He told me if we divorced I would have to pay alimony for him. He passed 2 years ago. I am stuck with his debts that he had hidden from me.

I know my marriage is unhappy because I have more than a tinge of jealousy for this lady with the dead husband.

I totally get this! I often fantasize about being a widow...

Anonymous wrote:What made you unhappy in your marriage? How long did you stick it out?

I feel like I am chronically depressed in my marriage.

It was very lonely. Until the kids got older and I made hanging out with my gurlfriends a priority (different friends at least once a week). I wish my partner were a better friend, but it is what it is at this point

Anonymous wrote:Constant belittling me and gaslighting. Nothing I did was good enough. I was working and paying all the bills. He did not work for 14 years, but refused to help at home. He told me if we divorced I would have to pay alimony for him. He passed 2 years ago. I am stuck with his debts that he had hidden from me.

I know my marriage is unhappy because I have more than a tinge of jealousy for this lady with the dead husband.

Anonymous wrote:Constant belittling me and gaslighting. Nothing I did was good enough. I was working and paying all the bills. He did not work for 14 years, but refused to help at home. He told me if we divorced I would have to pay alimony for him. He passed 2 years ago. I am stuck with his debts that he had hidden from me.

Set yourself free. In most cases, you are not personally liable for your deceased spouse's debts.

Anonymous wrote:Constant belittling me and gaslighting. Nothing I did was good enough. I was working and paying all the bills. He did not work for 14 years, but refused to help at home. He told me if we divorced I would have to pay alimony for him. He passed 2 years ago. I am stuck with his debts that he had hidden from me.

I'm so sorry. It sounds awful. If he didn't work though, why was he able to take out money or abuse money to such a degree?

Constant belittling me and gaslighting. Nothing I did was good enough. I was working and paying all the bills. He did not work for 14 years, but refused to help at home. He told me if we divorced I would have to pay alimony for him. He passed 2 years ago. I am stuck with his debts that he had hidden from me.

I think we were all married to the same man. Controlling, critical, dismissive, emotionally abusive, disrespectful, misogynistic, substance abusers…I think this area is full of these types of men. They are often very successful professional. The material trappings are not worth it.
Op — just leave already. The staying for the kids is the worst excuse in the book. Don’t blame your lack of chutzpah on the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is on antidrepessants and anti anxiety meds. I'm on medical marijuana and microdose mushrooms. We live on separate wings of the house. Don't vacation together. Socialize together 1x a year max. Like this, it has finally become bearable.

Things we tried but don't do anymore because it was bad/not helpful: couples counseling, individual therapy, separation, religion

Can we be friends? Seriously, all the women here who are in marriages that sound like mine, I need a tribe. My single friends do not understand.

We can be friends!
My friends definitely don't understand why I don't divorce. Because right now I have 100% custody.
I forgot to add in that he's tried anger management classes and is a proud graduate of 3 courses :-|
And we don't ever drive anywhere together anymore. And he only drives himself. That's helped a lot because his anger unleashes while on the road.

Anonymous wrote:DH is on antidrepessants and anti anxiety meds. I'm on medical marijuana and microdose mushrooms. We live on separate wings of the house. Don't vacation together. Socialize together 1x a year max. Like this, it has finally become bearable.

Things we tried but don't do anymore because it was bad/not helpful: couples counseling, individual therapy, separation, religion

I’m so sorry and feel like this may be the path my husband and I are on

Anonymous wrote:DH is on antidrepessants and anti anxiety meds. I'm on medical marijuana and microdose mushrooms. We live on separate wings of the house. Don't vacation together. Socialize together 1x a year max. Like this, it has finally become bearable.

Things we tried but don't do anymore because it was bad/not helpful: couples counseling, individual therapy, separation, religion

Can we be friends? Seriously, all the women here who are in marriages that sound like mine, I need a tribe. My single friends do not understand.

Anonymous wrote:What made you unhappy in your marriage? How long did you stick it out?

I feel like I am chronically depressed in my marriage.

Then leave…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These all sound exactly like my DH. What is it with men and anger issues?

Normally, it's the wife who makes the husband angry. This example will sound stupid, but it's a perfect reflection of many issues.

Example: Why is it when a married couple driving somewhere the wife needs to give "direction" or "opinion" to the husband who's driving? Watch that car. Park here. See that car? Does the wife think if she wasn't in the car the husband wouldn't be able to drive? Then the husband gets irritated with the feedback since he's been driving 20-30 years and probably a better driver than the wife.

If you read into these common situations, you realize the wife is the reason the husband is angry. You don't see the husband angry when he's driving alone...

Oh surrreee.

I'm actually irritated with myself responding to this obvious troll who hangs out of this board. Ugh, why won't you just go away.