Anonymous
Post 12/18/2023 04:05     Subject: Re:What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
Anonymous wrote:If the kid is in school at the time, the school has to deal with it. If the kid is with the parent at the time, whoever finds the parent has to deal with it. Probably the worst scenario is if something happens to the parent at home, and the kid is a baby or toddler with no older siblings. Might be good to have a babysitter for emergencies you could text if you were starting not to feel well. Preschoolers can be taught to call 911 or walk to a neighbor's house. If your kids are older, figure out who their best friends are whose family they would feel comfortable with. Even if your family lives hours away or out of state, they could always drive or fly the next day to be with the child. Writing info on a card in your wallet is a good idea. Also be in daily touch with someone so that if they don't hear from you, they will know something is up.


The school doesn't deal with it after school ends. If no one comes and picks up a child after the parents and all emergency contacts are called and don't answer, then the police and/or social workers are called to pick up the child when the office closes at around 5 pm.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2023 00:58     Subject: What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
Anonymous wrote:When my sister died in a murder suicide, and her baby left unharmed on the couch, the police took her to an emergency foster home overnight until they could figure out who my sister was and who the next of kin was. My mom picked her up the following morning. This was in the early 80s.


My God—I am so sorry that this happened to your family. Sending you all good thoughts.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 23:16     Subject: What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Very very rare for a person with a young child to have a heart attack or stroke and usually people in the school would are up if no one else is available.

NP but really? Ok. A car accident and is unconscious, then. Hit by a car and unconscious. A serious fall and is being rushed to surgery. And in each of these scenarios, the children are with the mom.

How would the hospital staff know which school the kid goes to, immediately? They wouldn’t. And there isn’t time for that. Social services would be called and the child would be placed. Things would be figured out from there.


Presumably the children's emergency contacts would be called first. They could stay with a neighbor until family could arrive.

Dude. Wtf? Are you dense? Imagine this happens at the mall. Who the hell is going to know who their neighbors are?

This. Police do not randomly place children with neighbors. They do not know how long the parent will be incapacitated, nor do they know the relationship between parent and neighbor. You are wrong.


This happened to me and my neighbors offered to help. I was also given the option of taking my DC to the ER with me until a family member could be called. It was late. I decided to take my chances and stay home.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 20:26     Subject: What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
When I was in high school I used to volunteer at a shelter that was specifically for kids that needed short term foster care for reasons like this — eg a parent in the hospital or serving a short jail sentence with no family capable of providing care. A lot of teens would volunteer to play games with the kids and baby sit them. The clubs at my HS would volunteer to do things like take them to the zoo.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 20:21     Subject: Re:What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
Anonymous wrote:I was an emergency contact for a military family in my neighborhood whose kids were the same age as mine. The DH was deployed and the DW had a medical emergency. No one picked the kids up from after school care so I was called to get them.

The kids were worried/confused but fine coming to our house. I called the mom when we got home and hospital staff answered the phone. I didn't get details about her condition but assured them the kids were safe with us. A social worker later came to the house to speak with us and the kids. The social worker determined the kids were best served staying with us.

I informed the school counselors what was going on. We were later called by the DH and someone from military family services. We got more info about the DW and took the kids to see her. The kids stayed with us for 3 nights until their father got home. They stayed with him at night but came to our house after school for about 6 weeks. They also had the occasional night at our house.


This is such a heartwarming story. Please be on the news.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 20:12     Subject: Re:What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
If the kid is in school at the time, the school has to deal with it. If the kid is with the parent at the time, whoever finds the parent has to deal with it. Probably the worst scenario is if something happens to the parent at home, and the kid is a baby or toddler with no older siblings. Might be good to have a babysitter for emergencies you could text if you were starting not to feel well. Preschoolers can be taught to call 911 or walk to a neighbor's house. If your kids are older, figure out who their best friends are whose family they would feel comfortable with. Even if your family lives hours away or out of state, they could always drive or fly the next day to be with the child. Writing info on a card in your wallet is a good idea. Also be in daily touch with someone so that if they don't hear from you, they will know something is up.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 19:42     Subject: What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you all for helping me run over this scenario.

I have had people in my life experience catastrophic illness while being extremely healthy such as brain aneurysm driving home from work. Watching them heal thru therapies has really urged me to ensure I have a good plan as my family members who would be called are not financially fit by DCUM standards and would not be able to unexpectedly fly in if I am unable to access my account to provide those fundings.

I would worry too - is there any health implication or difficulty on returning a child to the parent if CPS temporarily places them in a foster home? Worries also as a minority mother. There are some quite awful scenarios that are well documented with CPS.

With the neighbor, of course things could be terrible as well if the person is an unknown abuser of some sort.

Thank you all though for your help. I come from an older family so thank you PP who raised age as a factor.

I’ll look more into those classmate schoolmate family possibilities.


When a kid goes into emergency care, typically there has to be a hearing within 72 to 96 hours (depending on day of the week and the state) to formalize the emergency order, then it is reviewed (should be, depends on how stacked up the particular system in) within a few weeks, during which time CPS has to make efforts to locate relatives, etc. It generally takes a few months or more for this to turn into a longer term foster care order. And actually a review of custody can usually be requested at any time, at least technically. So just going into emergency care doesn't necessarily mean the kid is pulled into a foster care black hole, BUT during that time a lot of investigation is done by people who don't know the family or relatives personally, issues that people can usually keep under wraps may surface in ways you don't expect or misinterpreted, so there's definitely chances things can really go south even for affluent middle class families.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 19:35     Subject: Re:What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
Someone from our state who is an elected office holder at the national level knew a young woman who was a single parent, friend of their son's. She was beaten to death by a boyfriend. They had babysat the child (age 3 at the time) and took him in, then they managed to get a court order to keep him as a foster child and eventually adopt. They definitely had some advantages in the legal system though.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 19:32     Subject: What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
Anonymous wrote:Are children put into temporary foster care?

Example - Someone lives alone with their toddler and elementary aged children in a different state from family and friends but has a heart attack or stroke and needs to be hospitalized. Where would their young children go? Would hospital staff stay with them or does social services place them immediately?



I think hospital social workers step in pretty quickly but if someone is not found immediately it would be emergency shelter care. Foster care is a different thing which requires a court order. Then if they haven't come up with arrangements there's be a court hearing. Terrible for the child though.

I knew a single mom who had a terrible stroke when he son was 16. He was a very mature kid who was just about to start senior year. They don't have emancipation in my state but social workers got involved, a friend of hers became her guardian and the kid could have moved in with her but was able to stay on his own. The mom never regained the ability to speak or move very much, lived in an adult group home for some years and then passed away from another stroke.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 19:28     Subject: Re:What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
If the parent or the child can speak - hopefully they can call a neighbor to be with the kids until family can arrive.
If neither the parent or kid can speak, I guess they gotta do what they gotta do to take care of the kid without any other info.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 19:26     Subject: What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
18:07 you're a good person.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 18:36     Subject: What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
When my sister died in a murder suicide, and her baby left unharmed on the couch, the police took her to an emergency foster home overnight until they could figure out who my sister was and who the next of kin was. My mom picked her up the following morning. This was in the early 80s.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 18:31     Subject: What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe this is a dumb question but why is the possibility of the child going into some kind of emergency foster care such a terrible option that everyone seeks to avoid it?

I get that it’s not ideal, but in my case all my friends are also working mothers and while they could maybe take one kid for a period of time, they wouldn’t have been able to take a baby and toddler, for instance. And my family of origin is dangerous and dysfunctional (alcoholics and violent).

I worried about this a lot when I had a baby and toddler and it was the height of COVID.

It seems like temporary foster care wouldn’t be the worst thing but people talk like it is. I just wondered why?

I don’t get it either. Definitely not ideal, but I fail to see how it’s any different than the underpaid daycare workers we willingly hand off our kids to every day.


Not everyone does that.
Perhaps the people who are concerned about their kids going into foster care don't.

Sanctimommy showed up!
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 18:13     Subject: What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
18:07 again. I wasn't really friends with the military family. We listed each other as emergency contacts because we were "friendly" and lived in the same neighborhood. We, absolutely, were happy to step up and help. It's what a community does.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2023 18:11     Subject: Re:What happens to the children when a parent is admitted to the hospital but no other friends and family live nearby?
Anonymous wrote:I was an emergency contact for a military family in my neighborhood whose kids were the same age as mine. The DH was deployed and the DW had a medical emergency. No one picked the kids up from after school care so I was called to get them.

The kids were worried/confused but fine coming to our house. I called the mom when we got home and hospital staff answered the phone. I didn't get details about her condition but assured them the kids were safe with us. A social worker later came to the house to speak with us and the kids. The social worker determined the kids were best served staying with us.

I informed the school counselors what was going on. We were later called by the DH and someone from military family services. We got more info about the DW and took the kids to see her. The kids stayed with us for 3 nights until their father got home. They stayed with him at night but came to our house after school for about 6 weeks. They also had the occasional night at our house.


Wow. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so glad you were there for that family!