Anonymous wrote:Teachers are not offended to receive gift cards - they like them. The gift cards don't connote pity or "I think you're the help". That is in your head, I guess the result of cultural differences. So if your true concern is that they are taking offense or mortified, worry no more. That just simply isn't true.

I genuinely like giving gifts to my kids' teachers. And I want to give gifts that the recipient wants. They want the gift card more than your personalized trinket gift.

+1
Well stated. The non-American is taking her lens and applying it. We're doing the best we can to explain it, but sometimes cultural differences are too much. America has a strong tipping culture and we are a grateful, welcoming, generous people.

At our school there is one foreign teacher, just amazing credentials, and I do get the vibe that our gift cards are a bit offensive! I have backed off even though it was completely appropriate and I did the exact same thing for him and his colleague. It's just this one guy, and it's that cultural thing. There are other teachers from the same country who have adapted (for lack of a better word) and they love the gift cards, so they've given in to our American culture of gratitude. We are careful to have our kids write specific notes of gratitude to accompany.

Gift card is different than cash and I guess evolved that it might be more appreciated by teachers. I get where you are coming from because we are abroad this year in a place that has no gift cards and I feel really weird giving cash. SO I figured out a food/treat gift for teachers, but I really missed the easy Target Gift card!

Teachers are not offended to receive gift cards - they like them. The gift cards don't connote pity or "I think you're the help". That is in your head, I guess the result of cultural differences. So if your true concern is that they are taking offense or mortified, worry no more. That just simply isn't true.

I genuinely like giving gifts to my kids' teachers. And I want to give gifts that the recipient wants. They want the gift card more than your personalized trinket gift.

Teacher Appreciation Week always makes me think of that show The Good Place (spoilers below if you haven't seen it).

The whole premise of that show is that the characters thing they are in heaven but they are actually in a simulation created by hell's demons (bad place employees) to torture them psychologically. So "the good place" is filled with stuff that seems like it should be great, but is poorly executed or just off enough that it actually torments the people who have been sent there.

That's what Teacher Appreciation is. It sounds great! Who doesn't want to appreciate teachers? But in execution, it's actually kind of miserable for everyone, including teachers, because it winds up being a strange interaction loaded with guilt, obligation, fear of offense, and ethical minefields. If you give a card without a gift card, do you seem cheap? If you give a Target gift card, will the teacher just use it on stuff for the classroom? Should you just buy something for the classroom instead? Is that self serving? If you give cash is it offensive? If you give anything, does it look like you are currying favor? If you give nothing, does it look like you don't care?

It's dumb and we should declare some kind of moratorium on it and replace it with something sensible, but I don't even know what that would be.

In the meantime,

Not all parents do this. I teach in a high poverty school district and I’ve gotten 1-2 gift cards in 12 yrs of teaching. Occasionally I get a gift of candy or cookies.

I used to teach overseas at international schools with wealthy parents who went all out for Christmas. I probably got nearly $1k in gifts one year.

Sounds like you just think you’re better than most Americans, and probably you are, but if you’re living here, you just need to accept that this is the tradition here and move on, regardless of whether you give something or not.

My mom was an elementary school teacher. Seeing how hard she worked and how little she got paid for it has always motivated me to give to my kids’ teachers.

Anonymous wrote:I'm American and I have no idea. We didn't do this when I grew up.

I think it's ridiculous to expect families to pony up for teachers, specials teachers, aftercare teachers, support staff each for Christmas, Teacher Appreciation Week, AND the end of the school year. I understand many teachers are underpaid, but both my spouse and I have worked at nonprofits and for the govt our entire careers and we don't get monetary bonuses. Ever.

Same. DH works for municipal government and I work for a nonprofit. He makes a little more than the average elementary teacher (he is a mechanical engineer), and I make less. I love our teachers and want them to feel appreciated, but I find the compulsory giving strange and it really seems to be more about parents (and really certain parents) proving something about their commitment to the school or their kids. It is weird.

Last year during teacher appreciation week, we sent in things on two days (a potted geranium plant on the "give flowers" day and a gift card for a nearby coffee shop on the "give gift cards" day) and my daughter told me that she felt bad at school because many other kids sent things in every day and we did not. I just.... what?

Eh, you sound cheap. No need to justify it.

Anonymous wrote:Just chalk it up to a cultural difference. It's pretty clear you aren't trying to understand so do what you want and let it go. If you give a gift card the teacher will not be offended or insulted. If you don't give a gift card, the teacher is not going to look at you any differently. It's fine.

I think I actually do understand and I think it comes from a bad place. You show that you are thankful by saying “thank you”, being respectful, supporting the teachers, writing a card and spending time choosing a gift or making it yourself. Not buying a gift card. We do it because everyone else does it and we just don’t think about it (my case), because we think they need our charity or because we feel they work for us.

My OBGYN delivered 2 of my 3 kids, was an amazing human and professional. He made sure to move things around so he could be the one performing my C section. He stitched my abdominal muscles without me asking him to so my belly would look flat after the 3rd pregnancy. When I went back for my visit I brought nice cupcakes and pictures of my kids to show my appreciation for all he did for me. I would have never thought of buying a $50 Amazon gift card…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private school teachers are notoriously underpaid. That's why some people do it

So it’s charity. The $500+ in gift cards they get will allow them to buy presents for their kids. I would be humiliated if I were a teacher and this is the reason parents give me gift cards.

So if your boss gives you $500 you would be humiliated? What a strange response!

But it not the boss giving $500 is it?
Any professional outside of teaching would be mortified if the people that are in their care were expected to give them gifts.
But teachers in the US have become so spoiled with gifts, they actually put out into the universe what shildren/people should gift them. It is so gross and narcissistic.

This is a weird attitude. Patients can give nurses gifts. Childcare workers and nursery school staff are given gifts. We give gifts to coaches.

I’m all for recognizing the people who teach and guide my children.

It's a token of appreciation. I'm so grateful to teachers and the work they do. I really worry in a few years time, absolutely no one will want to go into teaching.

Anything I can do to support them, I'm there.

Anonymous wrote:So don't! I promise you, absolutely no one is keeping score. I taught for many many years, and the majority of families didn't give or the room parent would organize one class wide gift and I had no idea who did/didn't contribute. Please don't give out of a sense of obligation.

I taught middle school and high school and most years I only got a handful of presents. The vast majority of those were from international families, actually. I made 25k a year plus lodging and food at the time (2010ish)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private school teachers are notoriously underpaid. That's why some people do it

So it’s charity. The $500+ in gift cards they get will allow them to buy presents for their kids. I would be humiliated if I were a teacher and this is the reason parents give me gift cards.

So if your boss gives you $500 you would be humiliated? What a strange response!

But it not the boss giving $500 is it?
Any professional outside of teaching would be mortified if the people that are in their care were expected to give them gifts.
But teachers in the US have become so spoiled with gifts, they actually put out into the universe what children/people should gift them. It is so gross and narcissistic.

I don't think you should slam every teacher. My spouse is a teacher and there is no expectation of gifts. Would you suggest that he return the gift card? The homemade fudge and note? Or what? Do you hate teachers? I don't think you would last one day teaching children. my spouse chose the profession because they wanted to teach and change someone's life.

what have you done?

Pay a ton in taxes to pay his wages and raised a responsible child.
He is not a saint or hero, just a person doing a job like the majority of adult humans.
My husband is a cop that keeps you and yours safe, what have you done?

Teachers do a bit more than “a job”. Let’s be honest here: we expect teachers in this country to give every ounce of themselves and expect very little back in return. We don’t pay them well. We don’t respect them. And we certainly don’t support them.

I am a teacher. I don’t expect gifts nor do I even really want them. I’m appreciative when gifts come because I’m a kind person, but I would prefer people to advocate for a more reasonable teacher workload.

And as for police? I’m married to one. He makes about twice what I do, and he is paid for overtime. Perhaps that’s how we can reward teachers. Overtime.

I do it because I think many teachers are underpaid and unappreciated in this country. And because I was a teacher and I know I was constantly spending my own money on school stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So don't! I promise you, absolutely no one is keeping score. I taught for many many years, and the majority of families didn't give or the room parent would organize one class wide gift and I had no idea who did/didn't contribute. Please don't give out of a sense of obligation.

That is not why I am asking. I am not complaining. I only seek to understand the reasons behind this American tradition.

America has a really strong tipping culture. Businesses underpay their staff, and consumers feel compelled to give extra compensation for their services.

Plenty of staff at businesses are appropriately compensated (15+ per hour) and still want a tip for pouring some drip coffee into a paper cup for me. Tipping culture has gotten out of control.