I put my divorcing friend on our family phone account and gave her a credit card (that she paid us with later once out from an aggressive narcissist). He would check her and gps tag her car, bag, etc.

He went beserk for a few weeks- blaming her for tearing apart the family, how could you do this, you’re a B. Her response was After you threatened divorce 50x this year to end any discussion we needed to have, year I took your advice. (To which he literally stood there shocked silent).

I also had my fireman friend at her house when she went back there for anything. He was like a bodyguard and the Big Brother thing seemed to work.

Is she in danger?

If she's being physically or emotionally abused I would consider, but just because he's immature and bad with money? No. She can figure this out on her own. She can file divorce papers herself. It doesn't sound like there's any assets.

I did exactly that. I found the attorney. Did the following things even though in a community property state:

1. I engaged and paid the attorney directly. I told my SIL there would be no fight over the few assets they had. He walked away with what was his and she walked away with what was hers. I told the attorney there would be no payment for this to get contentious. Her ex was an avid hunter and I told him there would be no fight over the rifles he acquired during marriage if he kept things calm and efficient. That seemed to work.

2. They had one bad financial asset—a truck they were upside down on badly. I offered to pay the overage of the truck loan if they sold it to a neutral third party. This would buy her out of the mistake. He couldn’t let his truck go, so he kept it.

3. She moved from a semi-rural area to our urban metro. Stayed with us for three months while she got on her feet.

4. We paid for some other stuff. Everything we paid for, we paid directly.

Anonymous wrote:I help pay for things that will help people out of bad situations and/ or to become self-sufficient. I helped a single-mom relative go to grad school to get a very practical and lucrative degree (nurse practitioner). I would help a single mom get a divorce. Single moms are at terrible risk of poverty.

Technically, single moms don't need divorce.

Help women before they make decision to become poor single moms. Give out condoms, morning after pills and common sense education.

Yes, if it helped them.

I help pay for things that will help people out of bad situations and/ or to become self-sufficient. I helped a single-mom relative go to grad school to get a very practical and lucrative degree (nurse practitioner). I would help a single mom get a divorce. Single moms are at terrible risk of poverty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We give a certain percentage of our income to charity every year so if its possible we can help up to a certain level. However, she is an adult and you aren't her parents so its her responsibility to sort it out, he is spendthrift, not a physical or mental threat to her.

As the STBXW of a spendthrift husband, I assure you that behavior is mentally threatening. You, clearly, don't understand the toll chronic financial instability takes and how it impacts kids as well.

Yes but there is no emergency so she should be able to figure it out. You don't have to carry all the burden of her picking the wrong man and then having kids with him after knowing him.

Are you completely helpless in setting up a seperate account and moving money?

Anonymous wrote:We give a certain percentage of our income to charity every year so if its possible we can help up to a certain level. However, she is an adult and you aren't her parents so its her responsibility to sort it out, he is spendthrift, not a physical or mental threat to her.

As the STBXW of a spendthrift husband, I assure you that behavior is mentally threatening. You, clearly, don't understand the toll chronic financial instability takes and how it impacts kids as well.

My sister is in a very similar situation and we are helping with lawyer fees (likely 5-7K max), but so far not bailing out of financial decisions that they made together (loan on expensive toy that neither currently wants).