Anonymous
Post 12/08/2023 09:54     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
My first instinct, yes. However, I have an obligation to protect my children over all others (in my opinion) so I'd have to be sure trouble would not follow my friend or relative in a way that impacts my kids.
Anonymous
Post 12/08/2023 09:22     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If they're in a gang - no.

Domestic violence victim - yes.


It is actually just as dangerous to harbor a DV victim. When they leave is the greatest chance for violence.


+1 DP here, this is why I'd give them money but they can't stay with me and my family.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2023 15:34     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Anonymous wrote:If they're in a gang - no.

Domestic violence victim - yes.


It is actually just as dangerous to harbor a DV victim. When they leave is the greatest chance for violence.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2023 15:28     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
My BIL had no criminal record and worked with children. He looked like a normal guy yet he was threatening my sister every day when she was trying to divorce him. Judge refused to keep him from visiting the children so guess when he attacked her? He bought a hunting knife and stabbed her to death in front of the kids. He said in court that he would have killed her best friend and her husband if they had also been there because he blamed them for influencing her to go through with the divorce.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2023 15:10     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Anonymous wrote:Our next door neighbors were involved in DV. She kept showing up at our door, so of course we helped. We ultimately moved out of fear. He became obsessed with us!and he owned many guns. It was strange and if we didn’t have kids I would have probably put up with the risk. She did ultimately leave him and he was charged and neither live there anymore.

I miss my old home and neighborhood.


Wow, sorry your kindness backfired.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2023 15:08     Subject: Re:Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Anonymous wrote:Of course I would. ⏩️ I know that I am in the minority on this and that many people will disagree with my thoughts on this, however I refuse to let fear take over my life.

I would commend someone for leaving their abusive situation as just by doing this it takes a ton of courage.
And restraining orders are not useless - they have helped many people move on with their lives and will continue to do so.

Victims have already been through the gamut emotionally, I would not want them to feel personally ostracized by me.


Restraining orders are useless when the perpetrator is determined to cause harm to the victim if they do not get what want they want.
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2023 15:01     Subject: Re:Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Totally depends on the situation and whether I have kids living in the home or not. Generally I would do anything in my power to help, yes- anything short of putting my kids at risk
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2023 14:56     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Threatened how? As in the Iranians have put out a fatwa on this person?
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2023 11:47     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Anonymous wrote:I’d pay for an extended-stay hotel. I am too protective of my kids. And PPs, restraining orders can be ineffective and it made sense that your friends were frightened. I would be too. But it would have nothing to do with blaming you for anything.


+1
Anonymous
Post 12/07/2023 11:39     Subject: Re:Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Of course I would. ⏩️ I know that I am in the minority on this and that many people will disagree with my thoughts on this, however I refuse to let fear take over my life.

I would commend someone for leaving their abusive situation as just by doing this it takes a ton of courage.
And restraining orders are not useless - they have helped many people move on with their lives and will continue to do so.

Victims have already been through the gamut emotionally, I would not want them to feel personally ostracized by me.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2023 13:22     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
No, I have enough problems in my own life than to take on somebody else's.

I would do what I could to help someone who was stepping up to deal with their issues. Not people who need or want to be taken care of, I don't think it helps them in the long run.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2023 07:47     Subject: Re:Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Anonymous wrote:If it was a victim of Domestic Violence - absolutely.

I really detest people who avoid victims of DV because they fear that their safety will be in jeopardy if they have anything to do w/the victim.

I remember when I was in a DV situation - I had actual friends who refused to even hang out w/me during that time which hurt me so much.

Mostly because it was a time when I really needed a support system and felt like they had let me down. 😞
I even had a restraining order in place against my ex but “friends” were still afraid.

The loneliness + isolation was just another way my abuser was able to gain control it seemed.

I hate victim blaming and shaming…..


Fear that being around a DV victim could place you in physical harm due is not victim blaming or shaming. While it’s understandable that this may have been hurtful, it’s also not unreasonable of your friends to be fearful.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2023 07:18     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Both? I would both take them in and be afraid if it was a situation like an abuser. For something like a gang or they’d been accused (but eg acquitted) of a crime that created danger it would depend more on the details. I have young kids and couldn’t see myself taking in anyone who might themselves hurt my kids. I live in an apartment building with multilayered security (not a great part of town) so I’d be less concerned about external danger the danger the person in trouble might bring depending on their situation.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2023 07:14     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Our next door neighbors were involved in DV. She kept showing up at our door, so of course we helped. We ultimately moved out of fear. He became obsessed with us!and he owned many guns. It was strange and if we didn’t have kids I would have probably put up with the risk. She did ultimately leave him and he was charged and neither live there anymore.

I miss my old home and neighborhood.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2023 02:42     Subject: Would you take in a friend or relative who’s life was being threatened in their hometown?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They need to go to a shelter asap. The police can refer them to one in their area.


Have you ever been inside a shelter, let alone been housed in one?


It would have kept my relative safe. Police recommended a secure shelter. She went to a friend's house instead that she thought he didn't know the address for. He followed her from the daycare, waited for his chance, broke in the house, wounded her friend's husband, and killed her in front of her young children. Restraining order was useless. She would have been alive in that shelter.