Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is an extremely odd disconnect between you as a competent human being and you affected in this way.

Not sure I believe it.

+1

I have relatives like this. OP is the wife, and her DH does fine, but nothing compared to the Joneses. I understand it, but I do not agree with it.

The difference between me and my relatives is this - we were raised the same, in the same affluent area, have the same expensive, refined taste. exposure, education and backgrounds - BUT DH and I paid for our own school, wedding, house, everything (literally, every last thing). Example: When I was having my babies in the hospital, we had to pay for help to watch our other children, because that was our option. Each of my friends, and relatives, including the relatives I mention, had free family help, no questions asked - especially when they were giving birth. [My MIL literally said if she could not come and go "visiting" from the hospital, when I was literally giving birth, then she would not "help" us at all. This was no surprise, because she has never helped us, and has even insulted us when we were down and out and even quite seriously sick, completely unprovoked, but I digress.]

One of us, DH or I (I won't specify which of us - but it would be shocking to those who know us) has been homeless before. OTOH, the relatives who want more and more are spoiled, their parents paid for everything, and they have literally never been without. Ever.

The difference is this: the relatives who want, want, want are never happy - it is all about money. I am guessing they dream about money. Nothing is ever enough. They literally have their hands out, have friends and family pay for stuff for them, and look for ways to "score" money - relatives who will die, rich friends, it makes me want to take a shower just typing this and knowing about it. They have been heard saying "if we just have (this) or (that)" in several (countless) circumstances - they then actually believe then they would be happy. But they got that "thing" (whatever it was, wedding, SFH, minivan, private school, job, a white kitchen, college, then a newer white kitchen....these are actual examples) - and they still were not happy, and it still was not enough. Each time. Ever.

The people I know who want more and more are never happy, and are rather spoiled. They say they are "grateful", but act completely ungrateful. The PP who stated to "go volunteer at a soup kitchen" hit the nail on the head. Volunteer for those less fortunate, and do not post about it on social media - do it for yourself and heal yourself from within. If you have never been without, you really have no idea, OP. You are in desperate need of growing up, and perspective. Since you asked.

Things will not make you happy, because there will always (always) be the next thing. The latest jewelry or whatever is not going to change how you feel. There is something inside that is missing, not outside. You need to find personal fulfillment from something other than material goods. Become a better person inside.

Why do you assume OP is not the primary breadwinner and her spouse the lower-earning SAHP?

They messed up in their OP.

Anonymous wrote:When I see people with designer items, I just think they are stupid. What a waste of money. My $50 bag is just as functional as your $800 bag.

Anonymous wrote:More a rant than anything else. I work really hard. I recently was promoted and am now making close to $300K on my own. My spouse is largely a stay at home parent but they make side income, but not a huge amount so the majority of our household income is my own. We live comfortably but I do not feel financially comfortable spending money on things like jewelry or designer bags/clothes, etc.

But after spending Thanksgiving with my siblings and their spouses, I can’t help feeling behind. All the women were decked out in recognizable designer jewelry and bags (think Cartier, Van Cleef, Goyard). They are all successful too and older but I felt like even though I’m doing well for myself, I have nothing to show for it.

I know I need to get over it. I know it’s the responsible thing to do not to waste money, but it makes me feel like I’ll never catch up to my siblings.

Anyone else btdt?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our income is more than three times yours land I don't wear designer stuff because ... I don't want to. I think it's gaudy to wear tons of jewelry and/or recognizable brands.

+1

Same. The show offs are usually in debt.

This.

Spending money does not equal having money. Of the three snobbiest people in my neighborhood ie very concerned about right car (mercedes, range rover, some expensive sports car, clothes, expensive vacations etc) 2 lost their homes to foreclosure and one almost did.

Anonymous wrote:More a rant than anything else. I work really hard. I recently was promoted and am now making close to $300K on my own. My spouse is largely a stay at home parent but they make side income, but not a huge amount so the majority of our household income is my own. We live comfortably but I do not feel financially comfortable spending money on things like jewelry or designer bags/clothes, etc.

But after spending Thanksgiving with my siblings and their spouses, I can’t help feeling behind. All the women were decked out in recognizable designer jewelry and bags (think Cartier, Van Cleef, Goyard). They are all successful too and older but I felt like even though I’m doing well for myself, I have nothing to show for it.

I know I need to get over it. I know it’s the responsible thing to do not to waste money, but it makes me feel like I’ll never catch up to my siblings.

Anyone else btdt?

Anonymous wrote:More a rant than anything else. I work really hard. I recently was promoted and am now making close to $300K on my own. My spouse is largely a stay at home parent but they make side income, but not a huge amount so the majority of our household income is my own. We live comfortably but I do not feel financially comfortable spending money on things like jewelry or designer bags/clothes, etc.

But after spending Thanksgiving with my siblings and their spouses, I can’t help feeling behind. All the women were decked out in recognizable designer jewelry and bags (think Cartier, Van Cleef, Goyard). They are all successful too and older but I felt like even though I’m doing well for myself, I have nothing to show for it.

I know I need to get over it. I know it’s the responsible thing to do not to waste money, but it makes me feel like I’ll never catch up to my siblings.

Anyone else btdt?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our income is more than three times yours land I don't wear designer stuff because ... I don't want to. I think it's gaudy to wear tons of jewelry and/or recognizable brands.

+1

Same. The show offs are usually in debt.

Anonymous wrote:“I feel like I don’t have much to show for it”

You’re earning more than 99% of ppl. That’s enough. You don’t need a bag with a certain logo on it to prove to people that you’re successful. You admire their bags while they probably admire who you are

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our income is more than three times yours and I don't wear designer stuff because ... I don't want to. I think it's gaudy to wear tons of jewelry and/or recognizable brands.

+1

Same. The show offs are usually in debt.

+1000
We have a new Mercedes - and we are in a lot of debt.

I don’t think this is necessarily true. We have several nice cars. DH likes cars and watches. I’m not going into debt to buy a Chanel bag.

Anonymous wrote:I stopped carrying a bag because I think it’s silly to compare blobs of leather. If others want to use bags as a way show their wealth and class, I have no issue with it.

No bag = freedom to me.

My sister tells me every time we speak how they have no money but she drives an expensive SUV and owns two homes.

A client of mine said they have no money and they have two houses and a full-time maid. I have stopped paying attention to this because you never know how much people REALLY have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is an extremely odd disconnect between you as a competent human being and you affected in this way.

Not sure I believe it.

+1

I have relatives like this. OP is the wife, and her DH does fine, but nothing compared to the Joneses. I understand it, but I do not agree with it.

The difference between me and my relatives is this - we were raised the same, in the same affluent area, have the same expensive, refined taste. exposure, education and backgrounds - BUT DH and I paid for our own school, wedding, house, everything (literally, every last thing). Example: When I was having my babies in the hospital, we had to pay for help to watch our other children, because that was our option. Each of my friends, and relatives, including the relatives I mention, had free family help, no questions asked - especially when they were giving birth. [My MIL literally said if she could not come and go "visiting" from the hospital, when I was literally giving birth, then she would not "help" us at all. This was no surprise, because she has never helped us, and has even insulted us when we were down and out and even quite seriously sick, completely unprovoked, but I digress.]

One of us, DH or I (I won't specify which of us - but it would be shocking to those who know us) has been homeless before. OTOH, the relatives who want more and more are spoiled, their parents paid for everything, and they have literally never been without. Ever.

The difference is this: the relatives who want, want, want are never happy - it is all about money. I am guessing they dream about money. Nothing is ever enough. They literally have their hands out, have friends and family pay for stuff for them, and look for ways to "score" money - relatives who will die, rich friends, it makes me want to take a shower just typing this and knowing about it. They have been heard saying "if we just have (this) or (that)" in several (countless) circumstances - they then actually believe then they would be happy. But they got that "thing" (whatever it was, wedding, SFH, minivan, private school, job, a white kitchen, college, then a newer white kitchen....these are actual examples) - and they still were not happy, and it still was not enough. Each time. Ever.

The people I know who want more and more are never happy, and are rather spoiled. They say they are "grateful", but act completely ungrateful. The PP who stated to "go volunteer at a soup kitchen" hit the nail on the head. Volunteer for those less fortunate, and do not post about it on social media - do it for yourself and heal yourself from within. If you have never been without, you really have no idea, OP. You are in desperate need of growing up, and perspective. Since you asked.

Things will not make you happy, because there will always (always) be the next thing. The latest jewelry or whatever is not going to change how you feel. There is something inside that is missing, not outside. You need to find personal fulfillment from something other than material goods. Become a better person inside.

Why do you assume OP is not the primary breadwinner and her spouse the lower-earning SAHP?

Anonymous wrote:OP how did you recognize those brands? We have high HHI and I wouldn’t know them or particularly care. House yes. Jewelry no.