Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 22:54     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I agree you should be asking for half. Or 100% of what you’re entitled to, and don’t settle for less. This guy has bled you dry. You’re both entitled to a fresh start. I would not get contentious but he should follow the letter of the law — with no kids there is a formula in these cases. Just use it and move on.

Do NOT settle for less because you feel guilty. You do not owe him. The opposite. He broke his vow by refusing to get sober. He is the one who is not keeping his commitments.


OP is living about her means. He did not bleed her dry. 50-50.


But he has forced OP into living above her means if they are in a $1.2m condo. She wouldn't be living above "her means" if she were on her own with an income unfer $100k. She married a person making significantly more and I'm sure he wasn't willing to live in a place that she could afford half of with her means alone. So when one spouse is significantly poorer, marrying someone with more money does end up costing them a lot because they end up paying a higher proportion of the meager income to their joint expenses. There is no way for the OP to not live above her income in a scenario like this if they live in anything more expensive than what 2 $100k incomes could afford.


This is a perverse way of looking at being married to a wealthy spouse but what is true is that her income while married would have been close to nil bc it as being taxed as a second income at the highest rate.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 22:52     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You’re not going to get much if any alimony and it sounds like there is not a lot accumulated to divide. You’re really in trouble on that salary if you have kids. From a purely mercenary perspective I’d have held on longer bc you are in for a tough time financially.


If she's working, why should she get alimony with no kids, etc.
be she likely lost her opportunity to marry someone who would want them who isn’t an alcoholic.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 22:39     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Please stop negotiating against yourself. Go pay to consult with a lawyer and find out what you are legally entitled to. Walk into medication with actual legal knowledge — not a bunch of advice from the internet.


Nice Freudian slip!


DP - true, but the PP is 100% correct.

OP, I certainly don't advocate trying to "take him for all that he's worth," but I 100% agree that you shouldn't be negotiating against yourself here. You're understandably upset about your marriage and you're tired and don't want to fight anymore. But you're 38 and have a long life ahead of you. At least understand what you are entitled to before you make any moves to take less.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 21:38     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I agree you should be asking for half. Or 100% of what you’re entitled to, and don’t settle for less. This guy has bled you dry. You’re both entitled to a fresh start. I would not get contentious but he should follow the letter of the law — with no kids there is a formula in these cases. Just use it and move on.

Do NOT settle for less because you feel guilty. You do not owe him. The opposite. He broke his vow by refusing to get sober. He is the one who is not keeping his commitments.


OP is living about her means. He did not bleed her dry. 50-50.


But he has forced OP into living above her means if they are in a $1.2m condo. She wouldn't be living above "her means" if she were on her own with an income unfer $100k. She married a person making significantly more and I'm sure he wasn't willing to live in a place that she could afford half of with her means alone. So when one spouse is significantly poorer, marrying someone with more money does end up costing them a lot because they end up paying a higher proportion of the meager income to their joint expenses. There is no way for the OP to not live above her income in a scenario like this if they live in anything more expensive than what 2 $100k incomes could afford.


Nice fantasy land you should write supernatural fiction.

Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 21:03     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I agree you should be asking for half. Or 100% of what you’re entitled to, and don’t settle for less. This guy has bled you dry. You’re both entitled to a fresh start. I would not get contentious but he should follow the letter of the law — with no kids there is a formula in these cases. Just use it and move on.

Do NOT settle for less because you feel guilty. You do not owe him. The opposite. He broke his vow by refusing to get sober. He is the one who is not keeping his commitments.


OP is living about her means. He did not bleed her dry. 50-50.


But he has forced OP into living above her means if they are in a $1.2m condo. She wouldn't be living above "her means" if she were on her own with an income unfer $100k. She married a person making significantly more and I'm sure he wasn't willing to live in a place that she could afford half of with her means alone. So when one spouse is significantly poorer, marrying someone with more money does end up costing them a lot because they end up paying a higher proportion of the meager income to their joint expenses. There is no way for the OP to not live above her income in a scenario like this if they live in anything more expensive than what 2 $100k incomes could afford.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 21:03     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You should get what you contributed, that’s fair.


It doesn't work that way because marriage is a contract and marital property is owned jointly, no matter who worked for pay to accumulate it.

OP, you need a lawyer and you should walk away with half.


Completely wrong legally. What was acquired individually PRIOR to the marriage stays with that individual.
What was jointly acquired after the marriage is up for 50% consideration.
Many greedy marriage partners think that they are unreasonably entitled to half and then they find out they are sadly mistaken..


Yes, that is what I said. What is acquired during the marriage is "marital property." I did not make any reference to what was acquired individually prior to the marriage.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 20:53     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry babe, 33-38 is prime time. He gotta pay for that. Mariah called this an “inconvenience fee” basically for wasting her time


I'm sorry babe, the law will allow him to keep all of his possessions that he acquired prior to the marriage.
Toodle-loo.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 20:53     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:You’re not going to get much if any alimony and it sounds like there is not a lot accumulated to divide. You’re really in trouble on that salary if you have kids. From a purely mercenary perspective I’d have held on longer bc you are in for a tough time financially.


She has a few years of fertility left and it might be better for her to cut her losses and find a sober husband
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 20:46     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
I’m sorry babe, 33-38 is prime time. He gotta pay for that. Mariah called this an “inconvenience fee” basically for wasting her time
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 20:43     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:You’re not going to get much if any alimony and it sounds like there is not a lot accumulated to divide. You’re really in trouble on that salary if you have kids. From a purely mercenary perspective I’d have held on longer bc you are in for a tough time financially.


If she's working, why should she get alimony with no kids, etc.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 20:42     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:Stop focusing on what is "fair" and start focusing on what you are legally entitled to, which is probably half of your marital assets (anything earned during marriage and any premarital assets or inheritances or gifts that were comingled).

You wasted your youth on this loser. Get as much money as you can, get what you re legally entitled to, without spending too much on lawyer fees.

I think you need to consult a lawyer.


This.

OP, going to a lawyer does not preclude mediation. You should go get an hour consult with a good one. Costs a few hundred. They will walk you through the law and how it applies to each asset. You go to mediation with this info. If he doesn’t agree, don’t say anything. Have your lawyer serve him with the divorce papers. He can have his lawyer tell him that this is all he deserves if he wants.

You need to be firm and have boundaries — it will be over sooner.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 20:42     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:I agree you should be asking for half. Or 100% of what you’re entitled to, and don’t settle for less. This guy has bled you dry. You’re both entitled to a fresh start. I would not get contentious but he should follow the letter of the law — with no kids there is a formula in these cases. Just use it and move on.

Do NOT settle for less because you feel guilty. You do not owe him. The opposite. He broke his vow by refusing to get sober. He is the one who is not keeping his commitments.


OP is living about her means. He did not bleed her dry. 50-50.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 20:42     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
Anonymous wrote:You get half of any money he didn’t keep in a separate, non-commingled account.


wtf will people STOP repeating this. DC, MD, and VA are equitable distribution states. That means the courts divide marital assets based on fairness, not 50-50. Community property states do 50-50. And if it is marital property (ie earned during the marriage) it doesnt matter if it was in a joint or individual account. It’s still marital property subject to division.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 20:39     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
You get half of any money he didn’t keep in a separate, non-commingled account.
Anonymous
Post 11/30/2023 20:38     Subject: What is fair in this divorce?
I agree you should be asking for half. Or 100% of what you’re entitled to, and don’t settle for less. This guy has bled you dry. You’re both entitled to a fresh start. I would not get contentious but he should follow the letter of the law — with no kids there is a formula in these cases. Just use it and move on.

Do NOT settle for less because you feel guilty. You do not owe him. The opposite. He broke his vow by refusing to get sober. He is the one who is not keeping his commitments.