Anonymous
11/30/2023 13:37
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Step 1. Leave it to DH to manage his family's gifts, he grew up with the tradition, afterall.
Step 2. When DH balks at this ridiculous chore, you two draft a group email simply stating that you are buying gofts differently this year and don't expect gifts in return. Some pps had nice, simple examples. Not the longwinded one above.
Step 3. When the blowback hits from his side of the family, make the choice: A) Still attend but do the previsit pep talk for each other that this may be uncomfortable around certain family members who oppose change, but together you will stay strong and try to enjoy yourselves. B) Skip part or all of the daylong event and make a new tradition for your nuclear family.
Step 2. When DH balks at this ridiculous chore, you two draft a group email simply stating that you are buying gofts differently this year and don't expect gifts in return. Some pps had nice, simple examples. Not the longwinded one above.
Step 3. When the blowback hits from his side of the family, make the choice: A) Still attend but do the previsit pep talk for each other that this may be uncomfortable around certain family members who oppose change, but together you will stay strong and try to enjoy yourselves. B) Skip part or all of the daylong event and make a new tradition for your nuclear family.
Anonymous
11/30/2023 13:23
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Anonymous wrote:I'd stop enabling this madness. Go to the Bahamas for Xmas.
Seriously!
Anonymous
11/30/2023 13:22
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Make donations in all their names to the elephant sanctuary (or what have you).
Anonymous
11/30/2023 13:22
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Anonymous wrote:The in-laws still gift gifts for every member of the family. This includes non-married partners which amounts to 20 people showing up expecting gifts.
Not just a single gift per-person but some family members get at least 10 pieces per person. They always say they're going to only do Secret Santa for the adults but it just amounts to me showing up with just my secret Santa gift(s) (and gifts for kids.) All day is spent watching everyone open up their gifts one by one, so I'd say it's pretty important to them.
Well last year my mother in-laws boyfriend (of 1 year) got upset that he only got 1 gift from me last year. He ended up gifting every couple a robot vacuum ($350+?) It makes me super hesitant about gifting this year, any advice?
*My 1 gift was not as expensive as the robot vacuum, and was his secret Santa gift. He only put 2 gifts on his Christmas list! Aside from the secret Santa we also did a stocking exchange which is more gifts.*
Their message is loud and clear. They don't want to do Secret Santa. YOu cannot be the only one. Tell DH he's now in charge of in-law gifts.
Anonymous
11/30/2023 13:21
Subject: Re:I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Anonymous wrote:I would have your DH send MIL and co. a message now (would've been even better if it were earlier) saying: "we are not comfortable with the way the gift exchange went last year. We will participate in a secret Santa gift exchange where we get one gift for the person whose name we draw for secret Santa. And we will get one gift for each kid in the family as well. That's it. If this means that we are not receiving as many gifts as a result, we totally understand and support that. We would like to celebrate with you and spend time together at the holidays but we will no longer participate in this massive gift exchange of multiple gifts for each person. Thank you for understanding."
oh,yeah, send that! BOOM! Immediately circulated to the entire family. And then OP comes back here to cry.
Anonymous
11/30/2023 13:03
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'd stop enabling this madness. Go to the Bahamas for Xmas.
heck that'd probably be cheaper@!!
Yes, but it also might be cold there.
Anonymous
11/30/2023 12:47
Subject: Re:I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
I would have your DH send MIL and co. a message now (would've been even better if it were earlier) saying: "we are not comfortable with the way the gift exchange went last year. We will participate in a secret Santa gift exchange where we get one gift for the person whose name we draw for secret Santa. And we will get one gift for each kid in the family as well. That's it. If this means that we are not receiving as many gifts as a result, we totally understand and support that. We would like to celebrate with you and spend time together at the holidays but we will no longer participate in this massive gift exchange of multiple gifts for each person. Thank you for understanding."
Anonymous
11/30/2023 12:24
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Anonymous wrote:The in-laws still gift gifts for every member of the family. This includes non-married partners which amounts to 20 people showing up expecting gifts.
This right here is why it's nice to use the verb "give."
Nothing that follows, in the OP or the responses, makes me want to give anyone anything, however.
Anonymous
11/30/2023 11:28
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Anonymous wrote:It's all performative excessive consumerism. I'm so glad I don't celebrate Christmas.
+1
Anonymous
11/30/2023 11:14
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
It's all performative excessive consumerism. I'm so glad I don't celebrate Christmas.
Anonymous
11/30/2023 10:55
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We only do gifts for the kids in my family
Adults don’t need gifts
At what age do you stop? When they graduate high school? Or college? Or get married?
It adds up, especially if you have your own kids in college, and the other parents (same age) are all retired, and their kids are out of their houses.
We petered out once my siblings were married and then definitely once there was grandkids born. There's still a little gift exchanging between the adults, but not much. I don't buy my siblings presents, and only occasionally my parents when I see something they might like. I do not get them anything just to check a box. If I do, it's consumable like wine or delicious treats or fancy kitchen salt/oils.
Anonymous
11/30/2023 10:52
Subject: Re:I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Anonymous wrote:I said “H buys for his family, I buy for mine”
Same for thank you notes.
Exactly.
Or: "We are opting out of the gift giving this year. Do not feel obligated to give us gifts as we are not buying any other adults gifts".
My DH was much more on board with paring way down on gift giving once I told him I was not shopping for his family anymore. I stopped caring what we give them, he can spend what he wants (within reason of course) but that I am not managing, wrapping, or contributing mentally to ANY of that. I am a grown up and I can buy what I want, so can they. Why are we all swapping multiple gifts?
Anonymous
11/30/2023 10:49
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
My family is like this, minus the yelling.
I still hate it.
They can have whatever expectations they want, you are not obliged to comply.
Do whatever seems appropriate to you, nothing more, and do not apologize.
I still hate it.
They can have whatever expectations they want, you are not obliged to comply.
Do whatever seems appropriate to you, nothing more, and do not apologize.
Anonymous
11/30/2023 10:33
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Anonymous wrote:We only do gifts for the kids in my family
Adults don’t need gifts
At what age do you stop? When they graduate high school? Or college? Or get married?
It adds up, especially if you have your own kids in college, and the other parents (same age) are all retired, and their kids are out of their houses.
Anonymous
11/30/2023 10:32
Subject: I got yelled at for not buying enough gifts.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would skip out on this Christmas celebration.
This is the only sane answer. Why participate in this charade?
It’s a good time to see everyone together, we thought. But last Christmas we spent %90 of the time opening gifts, kids fell asleep while opening gifts , and we got to do nothing else.
So we’ll find a different time to travel.
Wait, you have to travel to take part in this BS? H&ll to the NO.