I'm glad you're reconsidering medication, OP! Keep in mind that a cocktail of meds might be the answer. That can dull some of the side effects around appetite. Often a combo includes a stimulant for inattention (Adderall, Ritalin) plus a mildly sedating drug for hyperactivity (Intuniv). Stimulants can mess with appetite and sleep, but the Intuniv balances that a bit. You'll have to experiment for a bit and it can take some time to find the right combo. But these meds work.

Speaking as someone with ADHD, it's like being stuck in mud. You try harder and it just spins your wheels and makes you frustrated. Thinking that you're stupid takes a huge toll on your life and makes you less motivated to work on the right things. The medication turns everything into flat road and I can actually move. I don't love that I need these drugs. But I wouldn't decline insulin if I developed diabetes, so why not address this medical condition?

Thanks so much again everyone. I will disappear to square away dr appointments. I will come back to update but it may take some extensive amount of time. I think my own personal crisis moment is resolved though and I have a plan with your help.

Have a beautiful and peaceful holiday season.❤️

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks so much. I read every single post.
And I learned something from each one or found support to just be more patient. It seemed impossible earlier. I will schedule a Dr to discuss meds (I actually tried to identify a doctor and schedule before but the ones that I liked were booked out for many months ahead. So eventually I kept postponing hoping we can manage without meds and avoid side effects as well.)

Thanks so much everyone.

That is great, sounds like progress! Mom of ADHD son here and the drugs don't affect his appetite at all. But the doctor can really work with you on managing the side effects, and also determining which is the greater risk.

Yes, it is a progress… I feel so much more at ease… I think we had series of repeat hard days and my thinking frame was not working right… I have a separate discussion (ringing in ears) on health forum —- all the stress over my baby and how I’m not able to help basically ran me down, plus, to cope, I was running long distance pushing my body to the extreme physically as a coping mechanism for grief that does not go away…ugh… looks like I keep unloading issues here. Anyways, trying meds is the right path. Husband agrees.

I never considered cultural coaching - thought of myself as westernized and DH is not an immigrant. Time is limited, so I can only do so many things at a time, and if I can do couching than I would pick effective public speaking as this is something now required by work, and I have medical anxiety about it — I get panick attacks….

I wanted to share something about a good day yesterday - finally. My tween found some website and was razor focused to find out ‘what can I buy for you mom? A purse? A wallet? What do you need, mom? So again, something came up at school. He got very fascinated…. It was cute even as he wanted to buy brand product for cheap. Well, we had to explain that supporting fake brand products is not a good thing 😌 — not sure he understands it yet… and that’s the same kid which would not play with ‘fake legos’ when he traveled overseas lol.

Anonymous wrote:OP I am so so glad you are reconsidering the meds. They really are an essential tool for many people.

Yeah — we just kept postponing as grades were always fine, and 504 accommodations were helpful. Now, first year of middle school is a totally different ballgame. We are proud he adapted and no issues with socializing in a new huge school but managing hw load seems to be that factor, which screens he needs some help/change.

I always blame myself for that eating issue as I was alone with him when he was a baby due to jobs situation. I did not introduce solids at the appropriate time, and he then would just spit out when I started at the age of 8m and that was too late. He was spitting out all those baby foods, and just accepted 1 kind — Cheerios…. And whatever was a similar crunchy texture and taste. So every new food introduction was a struggle ever since.

I had to be a sneaky chef and sneak in things somehow…

When we almost signed to some stay-away nutrition program where they teach the child to try new things, Covid hit. Things got better with eating disorder somehow - encouragement and just simple maturing worked. He still won’t at any mixed foods like sandwiches or salads or soups. It’s separate eating approach. He will eat chicken first which should not touch the rice, then the rice. And these two he started like at the age of 3 (only agreed to eat crunchy skin at first) and 5 (neighbor offered sticky rice ball and he miraculously ate it)…. So anyway — food is usually a joy, but here it was different and I remember every major ‘food breakthrough’ in the family.

Oh pediatricians never looked at as issue, as he was not underweight, just at the lower boundary of normal weight range.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks so much. I read every single post.
And I learned something from each one or found support to just be more patient. It seemed impossible earlier. I will schedule a Dr to discuss meds (I actually tried to identify a doctor and schedule before but the ones that I liked were booked out for many months ahead. So eventually I kept postponing hoping we can manage without meds and avoid side effects as well.)

Thanks so much everyone.

That is great, sounds like progress! Mom of ADHD son here and the drugs don't affect his appetite at all. But the doctor can really work with you on managing the side effects, and also determining which is the greater risk.

I would definitely medicate before I sent off to military school. At the very least, get an evaluation for depression and adhd. These are medical issues that need to be addressed

OP I am so so glad you are reconsidering the meds. They really are an essential tool for many people.

Anonymous wrote:So glad this forum exists. So helpful. Grateful for you - kind strangers.

Thank you for being such a good listener. This is something none of us expected to deal with, and I think a lot of us would like to see parents find better ways of dealing with it than were available when we were growing up.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:In addition to medicating this kid for his health issue (ADHD) and working to figure out the calorie issue — have you had your child evaluated by an expert for ARFID?? If your kid has an actual food related disorder, you need expertise on treating this as well.

But please don’t ignore meds for ADHD!! You are tying both hands behind this kid’s back and then saying “well, you cannot swim so I’m shipping you off to boarding school.”

I wonder if you could find a therapist for yourself that specializes in cultural issues? Striking a balance between the culture you were raised in and being realistic with your child who is being raised in an entirely different culture is a topic you and your husband need to explore.

Let me add in case you are not aware — ADHD and ARFID are known comorbidities.

My sibling went for just a summer. It helped with grades and structure. No ill feelings...and now a successful adult with great family relationships.

In addition to medicating this kid for his health issue (ADHD) and working to figure out the calorie issue — have you had your child evaluated by an expert for ARFID?? If your kid has an actual food related disorder, you need expertise on treating this as well.

But please don’t ignore meds for ADHD!! You are tying both hands behind this kid’s back and then saying “well, you cannot swim so I’m shipping you off to boarding school.”

I wonder if you could find a therapist for yourself that specializes in cultural issues? Striking a balance between the culture you were raised in and being realistic with your child who is being raised in an entirely different culture is a topic you and your husband need to explore.

So glad this forum exists. So helpful. Grateful for you - kind strangers.

OP here. Thanks so much. I read every single post.
And I learned something from each one or found support to just be more patient. It seemed impossible earlier. I will schedule a Dr to discuss meds (I actually tried to identify a doctor and schedule before but the ones that I liked were booked out for many months ahead. So eventually I kept postponing hoping we can manage without meds and avoid side effects as well.)

Thanks so much everyone.

Mom of adhd, underweight child. We do a dose in the morning after breakfast and a dose after lunch so that it doesn't interfere with appetite.

Untreated adhd has many risks- including self medicating with drugs. I think your son being small is the least of your concerns

Also I want to add I get weight loss is a concern but folks with unmedicated ADHD are at higher risk for car accidents, criminal behavior and suicide. Infact, men were at a 4.7 percent increased risk, and women at a 4.9-fold increased risk when unmedicated.

You can always do a trial of meds and see if things improve and see whether you experience significant weight loss. But for us the benefits far outweighed the risk.