Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what passive and permission parenting looks like. OPs kids is a liar and manipulator and apparently has been for awhile and OP is still letting her bring a car to campus. Keep pressing OP and I bet your daughter is the type to name some guy not even involved so that you keep believing her lie.

You can just shut up. You have no idea how I parented her, glassbowl.

She doesn't currently have a car on campus. She wants one next year. I had said I would consider it because it would actually be convenient for ME for her to have one. But this incident is giving me pause.

And yet your kid lies enough for you to doubt her story about being roofied.

You don't have teenagers, do you? You probably have a toddler or two and think you know everything?

You are welcome to take a seat and not participate in the rest of this thread. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:I would wait to see how the rest of the year goes before deciding one way or another about the car. I think it is entirely possible she was roofied. But it’s also possible, perhaps more likely, that she got super drunk and/or took drugs.

You don’t know what really happened and it doesn’t sound like you’re ever going to find out. But if you decide now to take the car, you’re only punishing her for going to the hospital. And you definitely want to encourage her to get medical help when needed! Maybe it was a wake up call and she will get great grades and have no more issues. It’s not even December yet, and kids away from home for the first time do stupid things. If she makes other bad decisions, gets bad grades, or just generally doesn’t seem mature enough for the car, you can make that call at the end of the year. But I wouldn’t tie it to the hospital trip.

For about the 525th time, she doesn't currently have a car. This is about me assessing whether to allow her to have one next year.

Anonymous wrote:You can’t get an explanation of benefits? She’s on your insurance and you would need to submit that for HSA reimbursement. I don’t think her being an adult makes a difference for that.

No, you can't get an EOB for another adult.

Eventually, I suppose they may mail one to her here at the house and i could open it. But online it says "patient view only."

HIPPA and all that.

Yes, I could ask her to waive it. But given her hostility around asking for details about the police report, I'm guessing she will refuse. I'm not there yet.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand your mindset at all. She was in trouble and she went for medical help. That's good. Pay the $120 and then try to have open and honest conversations with her.

Stop trying to play detective or looking for lies.

She's shown an amazing lack of judgment. - np

Your daughter is fine, and the copay is 100 bucks. Pay it and move on. Jesus Christ.

I would wait to see how the rest of the year goes before deciding one way or another about the car. I think it is entirely possible she was roofied. But it’s also possible, perhaps more likely, that she got super drunk and/or took drugs.

You don’t know what really happened and it doesn’t sound like you’re ever going to find out. But if you decide now to take the car, you’re only punishing her for going to the hospital. And you definitely want to encourage her to get medical help when needed! Maybe it was a wake up call and she will get great grades and have no more issues. It’s not even December yet, and kids away from home for the first time do stupid things. If she makes other bad decisions, gets bad grades, or just generally doesn’t seem mature enough for the car, you can make that call at the end of the year. But I wouldn’t tie it to the hospital trip.

You can’t get an explanation of benefits? She’s on your insurance and you would need to submit that for HSA reimbursement. I don’t think her being an adult makes a difference for that.

Anonymous wrote:I was in a sorority in college and saw a lot of alcohol poisoning unfortunately. If she had the wits to go to the hospital, please do not punish her. Maybe punish her for not telling you sooner, but not for seeking help. You want her to seek help when she needs it.

It was drilled into us by so many chapter advisors and national leaders - if you think someone might need help, get help. Do not hesitate to seek medical help because you might get in trouble. Do not drive drunk to take someone to the ER because you are worried about the cost. Do not ever delay, lie, or try to cover up what happened. This didn’t mean there would be no consequences- just that we should never let consequences stand in the way of doing the right thing to keep someone safe and alive.
You don’t want her to hesitate next time - although now that she knows you will flip about the bill and grill her, she may hesitate anyway.

Yup. This. All This.

Anonymous wrote:Op, if you take the car over this, why would she ever tell you the truth about anything? You’ve taught her that she needs to lie to avoid punishment.

For like the 10th time, she doesn't currently have a car. This is about her having a car next year. This is about her JUDGMENT. It's not about "punishment." Right now I'm seriously questioning whether it's a good idea to let her have a car. She's going to be living off campus a good 5 or 6 miles from school and the parties. If, in fact, this is something else other than roofies, I'm reticent to allow her to have a car if there's any chance she might show poor judgment with it and alcohol. No, I didn't think that would be the case until this incident.

I'd like to believe this is what she says it is. But she's really not behaving like a victim of crime. Who downplays being violated like that?

I was roofied once and the hospital dx alcohol poisoning without ever taking my blood alcohol level. They treated me like shit and let me walk out of there with no purse, no memory, and still completely f-ed up. No idea if I was assaulted. It's upsetting just thinking back to it, and she could be legitimately processing some trauma. I wish I would have known enough to get a lawyer and sued the hospital- they have a responsibility to “screen and stabilize” and they did neither.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what passive and permission parenting looks like. OPs kids is a liar and manipulator and apparently has been for awhile and OP is still letting her bring a car to campus. Keep pressing OP and I bet your daughter is the type to name some guy not even involved so that you keep believing her lie.

You can just shut up. You have no idea how I parented her, glassbowl.

She doesn't currently have a car on campus. She wants one next year. I had said I would consider it because it would actually be convenient for ME for her to have one. But this incident is giving me pause.

And yet your kid lies enough for you to doubt her story about being roofied.

Anonymous wrote:Rohypnol looks very much like being drunk-- makes me think you are a troll if you'd post that without even checking that.

I was roofied in college. I had only had one drink - I was about halfway through it - and all of a sudden the most calming sensation came over me. It was like I had been awake for 36 hours and was finally being told I was allowed to sleep. It felt impossible to keep my eyes open and it started clicking in my head that something was wrong. My friend I was with said I turned to her and said "this is poison, someone put poison in it" and then I passed out. Thankfully, my friend had her boyfriend come and they took me to the ER. I made all kinds of crazy videos in the ER once I woke up. My friend said it was like an extreme version of the videos you used to see of people after getting their wisdom teeth out. I watched them back and they were nonsense and I acted like I was high af. When I was discharged, I thought it was still the same night because it was dark when we left. No, it was the next night, a full 27 hours later. I had zero concept of time and I had terrible brain fog for a day or so after.

Op, if you take the car over this, why would she ever tell you the truth about anything? You’ve taught her that she needs to lie to avoid punishment.

I was in a sorority in college and saw a lot of alcohol poisoning unfortunately. If she had the wits to go to the hospital, please do not punish her. Maybe punish her for not telling you sooner, but not for seeking help. You want her to seek help when she needs it.

It was drilled into us by so many chapter advisors and national leaders - if you think someone might need help, get help. Do not hesitate to seek medical help because you might get in trouble. Do not drive drunk to take someone to the ER because you are worried about the cost. Do not ever delay, lie, or try to cover up what happened. This didn’t mean there would be no consequences- just that we should never let consequences stand in the way of doing the right thing to keep someone safe and alive.
You don’t want her to hesitate next time - although now that she knows you will flip about the bill and grill her, she may hesitate anyway.

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry your are dealing with this. She is safe and okay right now. Pay the bill. No decision needs to be made about the car for September of next year now. Try to engage with her over Christmas break on how she is really doing and see if that can lead into a conversation about what really happened. I would drop it until then -- no need to be the source of drama and strife for her and a reason she doesn't focus on studying for finals. Good luck.

OP here. Valid. Thanks.