Mom of 14yo DS here. His allowance ($20/week) is tied to his expected chores (empty trash cans inside and take trash in/out on pick up days and clean room (to my standards on daily basis). I pay him for anything extra I ask to do, ie whole house vacuum or mulch spreading. He is entitled to say "no" to extra requests. For my DS money motivation works best also treating him like a grown up. I respect his time and trust him to actually do what I ask by the deadline (5pm/bed time/whatever).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is wild to me. My kids just do their chores; there is no negotiation. The 19yo even resumes when he comes home from college.

This.

And I don’t pay children to help around the house. It is expected that everyone pitches in. We all live here, so we all work to keep our household running.

So neither of you has anything to contribute since the whole situation is “wild” to you. Got it.

You should try it since what you have going on isn’t working.

13 and 15 here- I have do declare no screens and do all your chores (depends on status of the house, could be just laundry or could be full all floors, rooms, dishes, ect.) they cannot remember to do it on their own which is annoying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 11 to 16 and do chores. They do their own laundry, clean their bathroom, clear the table, and do a weekly full house clean (change sheets, dust, mop, clean mirrors/glass, take out trash, put away groceries).

I think we are successful because I did it with them for many years and made it fun (they picked music and set timers). Now, it's a routine. They know that no electronics or outings with friends happen until chores are done. They know that they will run out of socks if they don't do laundry.

Another thing I think that helps is that I taught them to do a little everyday. Growing up we spent Saturday morning cleaning and Saturday evening getting our hair washed and braided. I didn't want my kids to spend Saturday like that, so they spread chores out over the week most of the time.

Where are you from? Little House on the Prairie?

OMG you're so clueless. I imagine the PP is black. You need some non-white friends.

That sounds like a chore for the non-white acquaintances

When we tell a kid to do something, the only acceptable response is "okay" or "I already did" and if the former, to go do it. They can ask if they can do it after something they're in the middle of, but if it's playing the answer is always no. If it's "Can I set the table after finishing this math problem?" we'll almost always say yes.

The college kids do not have "chores." They are adults when they are home, and know to act like it.

Our boys are 18 and 15 we had the same struggles as you 0P but sometime around late middle school we change the language instead of calling it “chores” we told the oldest that he is in charge of taking out the trash and recycling every Monday he “owned” it it was his job to do every single trash day until he left for college unless he was sick in bed. Now that he’s in college our youngest owns that job. Everyone contributes to the household. I think “ownership” is something we learn at work- don’t do it half-ass; take it all on 100%. We have a few other things like this that the boys do like unloading the dishes I haven’t done those things in over 5 years. They also do their own laundry, cleanup their rooms and help put away their clothes for the winter/summer seasons or when it’s time to give give away or throw away items that no longer fit. Just don’t beat yourself up about it, we still have cleaners that come every 2 weeks, so we’re not perfect, but we are teaching them. If they can take ownership of 3-4 big things, you will set them up for success. It also keeps you out of feeling resentful that you’re doing everything .

My kids are 18 (college) and 13. They don't have "chores", as in set tasks that is theirs and theirs alone. I didn't either in my parents' house.

However, when I ask them to help me with something, they ALWAYS do it. I think it's because I ask nicely, thank them when they've done it, and because I didn't push anything on them as a "chore".

They take care of our 4 pets, cook certain meals, dust, vacuum, mop, do some laundry, and even rarely scrub the bathroom, as well as do occasional yardwork, take care of their rooms.

Belt

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 11 to 16 and do chores. They do their own laundry, clean their bathroom, clear the table, and do a weekly full house clean (change sheets, dust, mop, clean mirrors/glass, take out trash, put away groceries).

I think we are successful because I did it with them for many years and made it fun (they picked music and set timers). Now, it's a routine. They know that no electronics or outings with friends happen until chores are done. They know that they will run out of socks if they don't do laundry.

Another thing I think that helps is that I taught them to do a little everyday. Growing up we spent Saturday morning cleaning and Saturday evening getting our hair washed and braided. I didn't want my kids to spend Saturday like that, so they spread chores out over the week most of the time.

Where are you from? Little House on the Prairie?

OMG you're so clueless. I imagine the PP is black. You need some non-white friends.

Here to commiserate with you. Mine were fine when younger and okay when we’d do a daily 5 minute pick up, but we fell out of that habit. Now I need to get a system going and enforce the consequences. I thought they’d be helpful today bc they want to decorate for Christmas, but they’re not cleaning their rooms, so no decorating is happening.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is wild to me. My kids just do their chores; there is no negotiation. The 19yo even resumes when he comes home from college.

This.

And I don’t pay children to help around the house. It is expected that everyone pitches in. We all live here, so we all work to keep our household running.

So neither of you has anything to contribute since the whole situation is “wild” to you. Got it.

My kid doesn’t get any fun stuff until his homework and chores are done. No phone. No computer. No WiFi. No hanging with friends. Nothing. When he’s doing chores, I am working or also doing chores which helps immensely. We set regular times for chores and they just get done without policing or arguing.

I pay my 6 year old to fold laundry. We go buy Pokémon cards when she’s done. It’s a fun little thing to do. But then again, I’m a fan of wages for housework (look it up).

My 13 year old feeds cat dinner, scoops litter, loads laundry and folds it, puts away dishes and take out trash and recycling. He can also keep his room reasonably clean. For his age, wifi access motivates him extremely well. He also gets an allowance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is wild to me. My kids just do their chores; there is no negotiation. The 19yo even resumes when he comes home from college.

This.

And I don’t pay children to help around the house. It is expected that everyone pitches in. We all live here, so we all work to keep our household running.

So neither of you has anything to contribute since the whole situation is “wild” to you. Got it.

I just turn off the wifi every morning. Chores are done before it’s turned on. You’ve got to circumvent the argument.

Weekly chores (like laundry, rooms, bathrooms, etc) must be done by Saturday at noon. They can do them at any time, but must be done at some point in the 7 days leading up to Saturday at noon. If they aren’t, their phones/iPads are gone until Tuesday morning. There is zero negotiation on this. I give a two hour warning at 19 on Saturday. That’s it.

Kids are 11 and 13