Anonymous wrote:Oh my gosh. I would say send a card, because I wouldn’t want to have to endure the awkwardness of a phone call, and a card requires just a few minutes of your time - once it’s in the mailbox, you can put all of it out of your mind.you do t deserve more than that.

OP, has your sister grown up and matured? Do you observe kindness in her adult self? I do t think you owe her a thing. Mail the card and move on. Your sister knows what they did.

+1 card instead of a phone call. You don't want to accidentally say the wrong thing/have the wrong tone by accident.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a tough call. You call your sister as you are planning to do, and express how sorry you are for her loss. No need to attend the funeral.

Op claims her sister abused her.

Op claims her relationship with her sister is “polite.” It’s “polite” to call your sister when her boyfriend dies.

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a tough call. You call your sister as you are planning to do, and express how sorry you are for her loss. No need to attend the funeral.

Op claims her sister abused her.

This isn’t a tough call. You call your sister as you are planning to do, and express how sorry you are for her loss. No need to attend the funeral.

^meant - she doesn’t deserve more than that (your sister).

Oh my gosh. I would say send a card, because I wouldn’t want to have to endure the awkwardness of a phone call, and a card requires just a few minutes of your time - once it’s in the mailbox, you can put all of it out of your mind.you do t deserve more than that.

OP, has your sister grown up and matured? Do you observe kindness in her adult self? I do t think you owe her a thing. Mail the card and move on. Your sister knows what they did.

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, op-just say I’m sorry to hear about Bob and hope you are well. You are talking about things that happened almost 50 years ago and now the man’s dead. I think it’s time for you to move on from poor baby ill treated little sister role in your mind.

I haven't thought about that abuse for decades, actually. When I heard they were together, it all came up. Intellectually, I was aware that they did cruel things to me. Emotionally, I felt hurt and wanted to avoid seeing either of them. These last few years, I've simply avoided them and haven't said a word about the abuse. I am writing about it now because he died and I know I have to acknowledge that to my sister. I posted the question because I have complicated feelings about his death and her loss.
To answer some questions: she babysat me after school. To keep me quiet, they threatened me. The threats included destroying a beloved toy (I was 8) and death. I never spoke of it until I heard they were back together and I told my spouse. For those who think I'm holding on to ancient history, I'm not...it has been unearthed and I'm examining it now as an adult.