Anonymous
11/23/2023 10:51
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, they understand that their manic/bipolar mom will sooner or later engage in "splitting" and suddenly the current FWB/knight in shining armor will be seen by mom as 100% bad and persona non grata. This may coincide with mom getting bored of the current situationship and coming across a new guy who tickles her fancy.
Only 9 months and you want to coerce them into accepting your shag of the moment as a full fledged family and household member? Calling THEM "selfish"? Please OP this is a "you" problem not a "them" problem. Get back on your meds.
+1000. OP the fact that you even have to ask us what’s going on with your own 14 and 16 YO girls is horrifying.
They have parents who can’t keep a marriage together, a father who has dropped out of their lives and a mother who, after only 9 months of dating, is immaturely acting like she’s met Prince Charming and expects them to be excited about your sex life.
You need some serious therapy OP before you and your x cause lasting damage to them.
Bizarre to me how so many people on DCUM say if you’re not engaged to someone after a year, move on, but here we have someone who’s been dating 9 months, and somehow in this situation that’s a paltry amount of time.
That advice (move on after a year) applies to young women who want children. OP has other responsibilities of her own making that are far more important.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 10:47
Subject: Re:Kids are being rude to BF
Let him back away. When one of your girls asks about him tell her it’s because you have been rude and insulting and you should never treat anyone like that. Tell her that you really like the guy and that you are going to continue to see him. 14 and 16 year old girls can be pains in the butt even in a happy family as mine were but they grew out of it.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 10:36
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Your kids need to be polite to your boyfriend when he is around, as they need to be to all adults.
But they are old enough to stay home alone while you go out on dates or go over to your boyfriend's house. Maybe try to cut him hanging out at your house to one night a week for now. Also, maybe tell them you won't live together full time until the youngest graduates from high school, if you think you can keep that promise.
But they are old enough to stay home alone while you go out on dates or go over to your boyfriend's house. Maybe try to cut him hanging out at your house to one night a week for now. Also, maybe tell them you won't live together full time until the youngest graduates from high school, if you think you can keep that promise.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 10:14
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Can your boyfriend not afford to take you out of the house on dates? Why is he hanging at your house 3 nights a week if he has his own children? Does he not have to parent his children?
You need to get out of the house with your boyfriend even if it is to a budget restaurant one night, movie another, his place the third.
My best friend's parents divorced at the same ages of your kids. My best friend and her sisters hated the Mom's new guy. He seemed pretty harmless to me but pretty much was very dorky. The Mom and new boyfriend played bridge around 3 nights a week at Mom's house and also had dinner 3 nights a week at Mom's house. The kids hated the boyfriend and hated him intruding on their home and their space and really hated having him around.
You need to get out of the house with your boyfriend even if it is to a budget restaurant one night, movie another, his place the third.
My best friend's parents divorced at the same ages of your kids. My best friend and her sisters hated the Mom's new guy. He seemed pretty harmless to me but pretty much was very dorky. The Mom and new boyfriend played bridge around 3 nights a week at Mom's house and also had dinner 3 nights a week at Mom's house. The kids hated the boyfriend and hated him intruding on their home and their space and really hated having him around.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 10:09
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
You and your girls have been in your own little family bubble and now a new person is being introduced and they resent it. Part of it is as simple as that and the rest of it is probably a lot more complicated and has to do with their ages, their father, how they feel emotionally about their mother attaching to a new man, etc.
It's natural for your boyfriend to feel hurt, but he's gotta be the adult here and take on the burden of making them comfortable if the relationship is to go long term.
It's natural for your boyfriend to feel hurt, but he's gotta be the adult here and take on the burden of making them comfortable if the relationship is to go long term.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 10:07
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Have you dated other men post divorce? Generally it is recommended that you date a lot of men casually before you go full strength into a relationship.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 10:06
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:You are so close to having them out of the house most of the time in college. I'd have your BF step back until they graduate. +1 to spending time together when the kids are in school or doing date night. My teens barely want to hang out with me. You can spend time with him on dates/on weekends, etc. Once they are adults, I think it is fine to do what you want.
This. Wait 3-4 years until the youngest graduates from high school.
In the meantime have your boyfriend take you out to movies, dinner, dancing, his place a couple of times a week.
I would not like it if Mom had some guy around the house 3 nights a week and I was a teenager.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 10:03
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, they understand that their manic/bipolar mom will sooner or later engage in "splitting" and suddenly the current FWB/knight in shining armor will be seen by mom as 100% bad and persona non grata. This may coincide with mom getting bored of the current situationship and coming across a new guy who tickles her fancy.
Only 9 months and you want to coerce them into accepting your shag of the moment as a full fledged family and household member? Calling THEM "selfish"? Please OP this is a "you" problem not a "them" problem. Get back on your meds.
+1000. OP the fact that you even have to ask us what’s going on with your own 14 and 16 YO girls is horrifying.
They have parents who can’t keep a marriage together, a father who has dropped out of their lives and a mother who, after only 9 months of dating, is immaturely acting like she’s met Prince Charming and expects them to be excited about your sex life.
You need some serious therapy OP before you and your x cause lasting damage to them.
Bizarre to me how so many people on DCUM say if you’re not engaged to someone after a year, move on, but here we have someone who’s been dating 9 months, and somehow in this situation that’s a paltry amount of time.
Don’t be obtuse. When you have teenaged kids the timeline changes, duh!!!
Why?
Not PP but will answer the obvious. It changes because they are your priority and they leave in few years so why complicate things when you can make it easy for yourself, them and new person.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 10:03
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
If he's a family man with kids of his own, how does he have three nights a week to hang around your house? Shouldn't he be parenting his own kids?
If he doesn't have 50/50, ask why, and what does that say about him?
I think probably your girls are skeptical of your ability to choose men.
If he doesn't have 50/50, ask why, and what does that say about him?
I think probably your girls are skeptical of your ability to choose men.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 09:56
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, they understand that their manic/bipolar mom will sooner or later engage in "splitting" and suddenly the current FWB/knight in shining armor will be seen by mom as 100% bad and persona non grata. This may coincide with mom getting bored of the current situationship and coming across a new guy who tickles her fancy.
Only 9 months and you want to coerce them into accepting your shag of the moment as a full fledged family and household member? Calling THEM "selfish"? Please OP this is a "you" problem not a "them" problem. Get back on your meds.
+1000. OP the fact that you even have to ask us what’s going on with your own 14 and 16 YO girls is horrifying.
They have parents who can’t keep a marriage together, a father who has dropped out of their lives and a mother who, after only 9 months of dating, is immaturely acting like she’s met Prince Charming and expects them to be excited about your sex life.
You need some serious therapy OP before you and your x cause lasting damage to them.
Bizarre to me how so many people on DCUM say if you’re not engaged to someone after a year, move on, but here we have someone who’s been dating 9 months, and somehow in this situation that’s a paltry amount of time.
Don’t be obtuse. When you have teenaged kids the timeline changes, duh!!!
Why?
Anonymous
11/23/2023 09:55
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
If he has such a good job, is he going to pay for their college tuition? Because if you marry him, his income will count and they won't get as much aid.
Are you planning to ditch them on the holidays or force them to spend time with their step-extended-family (aka strangers they DGAF about)? Yay, you're so in love, why can't they see that this is all sunshine and rainbows! Seriously think for two seconds.
Are you planning to ditch them on the holidays or force them to spend time with their step-extended-family (aka strangers they DGAF about)? Yay, you're so in love, why can't they see that this is all sunshine and rainbows! Seriously think for two seconds.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 09:52
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
OP, I can tell by how you're writing that you haven't really thought this through. You "see a future with him", well that's all happiness and roses isn't it? What about the specifics here? Does your "future with him" involve making your daughters move in with him and his kids? Changing schools? Not being eligible for college financial aid? Surely you can understand why this is unappealing to them. Try really, really hard to think for like 30 seconds about what a "future with him" actually means for their day-to-day lives.
You are harming your relationship with your children, potentially forever, because you can't open your eyes to these very real issues. They probably feel like you're trying to fix your own life by swapping in Mr. New Husband, but it isn't a fresh start for them and it never will be.
You are harming your relationship with your children, potentially forever, because you can't open your eyes to these very real issues. They probably feel like you're trying to fix your own life by swapping in Mr. New Husband, but it isn't a fresh start for them and it never will be.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 09:49
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
They may feel loyal to their father or weird about being forced to confront your sexuality when they are developing your own.
Either way. I can see it feeling weird if he acts like he lives in “their” house.
It may trigger feelings that he will be in their .”family” from now on, and they had no say.
Good you have them in therapy.
Can you get a read from that person regarding how to handle?
They are almost out if your house. Prioritize them for a little longer.
They will always be your children. The jury is still out whether he will be in the picture in two years.
Either way. I can see it feeling weird if he acts like he lives in “their” house.
It may trigger feelings that he will be in their .”family” from now on, and they had no say.
Good you have them in therapy.
Can you get a read from that person regarding how to handle?
They are almost out if your house. Prioritize them for a little longer.
They will always be your children. The jury is still out whether he will be in the picture in two years.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 09:44
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:I’ve been divorced for 2 1/2 years now. I have full custody of my two teenage (14, 16) girls. Dad is a deadbeat and only sees them a few times a year. Dating has been a challenge. I finally met someone that I’m head over heels in love with and my kids are being kind of rude. They barely acknowledge him. We’ve been dating for 9 months now and I see a future with him. Given how serious we are and the fact that I get no break, he comes over a few times a week and helps me with my house, eats dinner, etc. Come to find out, my kids feel uncomfortable (not in a creepy way) with him around so much. I was somewhat shocked to find this out. He is such a good person, he’s very normal, he’s a family man, has kids of his own, a great job, lots of friends and hobbies. This has definitely complicated our relationship. He volunteered to step back from coming over, but I think he was honestly a little hurt. I have my kids in therapy bc there is some obvious unresolved feelings around my divorce that hasn’t been processed. Any thoughts on what might be going on here? Did I introduce him too soon to my kids and they weren’t ready for it? I feel like I’ve done my work and waited til I felt strongly about someone before introducing him to my kids. I know they are teenagers and by default somewhat selfish, but I haven’t been this happy with someone in a long time.
Well you, you, you. What you want, what you want. What about what *they* want, and what's best for them? I'm shocked that you're "shocked"-- they're traumatized because their father has abandoned them, and now you're trying to force this man into their home and their lives. Can't you give them some privacy?
Therapy is not a vending machine where you put time and money in at the top and a teenager who likes your boyfriend comes out the bottom.
Nine months is nowhere near enough to act like you're getting married. You are acting like a foolish teenager, and it's you who is selfish, not them. They're acting cold because they know it's too soon and that you're acting like a foolish schoolgirl. They want to slow things down and you should want that too.
Anonymous
11/23/2023 09:42
Subject: Kids are being rude to BF
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, they understand that their manic/bipolar mom will sooner or later engage in "splitting" and suddenly the current FWB/knight in shining armor will be seen by mom as 100% bad and persona non grata. This may coincide with mom getting bored of the current situationship and coming across a new guy who tickles her fancy.
Only 9 months and you want to coerce them into accepting your shag of the moment as a full fledged family and household member? Calling THEM "selfish"? Please OP this is a "you" problem not a "them" problem. Get back on your meds.
+1000. OP the fact that you even have to ask us what’s going on with your own 14 and 16 YO girls is horrifying.
They have parents who can’t keep a marriage together, a father who has dropped out of their lives and a mother who, after only 9 months of dating, is immaturely acting like she’s met Prince Charming and expects them to be excited about your sex life.
You need some serious therapy OP before you and your x cause lasting damage to them.
Bizarre to me how so many people on DCUM say if you’re not engaged to someone after a year, move on, but here we have someone who’s been dating 9 months, and somehow in this situation that’s a paltry amount of time.
Don’t be obtuse. When you have teenaged kids the timeline changes, duh!!!