You’ll probably be dead by the time grandkids arrive so you really don’t need to worry about it.

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to pay for the wedding at all, regardless of your age. If your child wants to get married, it will happen with or without your help.

However, you said it’s about your youngest kid. If you do pay for the older kids weddings, please make sure to set aside a comparable amount for the youngest.

+1

This part is true. Favoritism just tarnishes your legacy OP.

You don’t have to pay for the wedding at all, regardless of your age. If your child wants to get married, it will happen with or without your help.

However, you said it’s about your youngest kid. If you do pay for the older kids weddings, please make sure to set aside a comparable amount for the youngest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you are not. It’s not 1950.

I plan to help but not pay for the whole wedding. I also don’t plan to meddle in their decision to get married and when. They go together.

What does 1950 have to do with anything?

DP here. In the 1950's the bride's parents would pay for the wedding as part of the dowry (pawning off the bride on the groom). Nowadays, most brides and grooms marry in their late 20's, not younger (as was the latter in the 1950's) - so, the couple who is marrying is expected t pay for their own wedding in current time - especially because weddings are now more lavish social media affairs, with more guests ($$$$) than traditionally in the past.

Op, if you don't want to, don't. I actually find it odd though --- if you had the money --- that it wouldn't bring you joy. Live joyless if you want.

I am the person who didn't have a wedding because my parents attach strings to gifts. I would probably have my own easier strings. I would help pay for a simple low key wedding for both my girl and boy, but not some fancy over the top thing. I would also give a gift toward either down payment or furniture. I have seen too many people have these huge over the top weddings and they admit they didn't enjoy it. I don't want to help pay for something that will just bring drama and stress.

Anonymous wrote:No offense but can’t you afford to throw an even fancier wedding the older you are? Versus parents whose kids married at 25 and they were 50? Those people were still saving for college and paying on their own mortgages.

Right! I had kids in my 20's, and a late in life blessing at 43. DD had a lovely, but not fancy or expensive, wedding when I was 51-thank you pandemic for causing them to put off the wedding a year because it gave me more time to save!

By the time late life kid marries, I can take out whatever I want from my TSP no penalties-I won't worry about it. That being said, expensive weddings are not a thing in my family so I'm probably talking much less money than others here.

The midlife crisis subgroup used to be one of the nicest. Frankly this seems like a troll post just designed to stir debate. Is there even a wedding to be discussed OP?

No offense but can’t you afford to throw an even fancier wedding the older you are? Versus parents whose kids married at 25 and they were 50? Those people were still saving for college and paying on their own mortgages.

We are not wealthy but are saving for college and for wedding/down payment help. It’s not going to a a huge amount but we would like to be able to offer some help. I’m not sure why this would be tied to the age when they get married, you either are able to save to help your kids with things like this or you aren’t.

Anonymous wrote:I had my youngest at 38. We have a ‘marriage fund’ for all DC. They can decide to use it for a wedding or a down payment on a house or something else. They know about it and it will be given at the time of their wedding or after 33 if they chose to do something else with that $. It will not be an enormous amount of $ but the cost of a reasonable wedding.

What if they want a house before age 33?

Anonymous wrote:For us older parents. I had my last kid 45.

If my kid gets married say 32 am I really expected at 77 to pay daughters wedding, throw baby showers and all that normal younger parent stuff.

I mean I will be in 80s when my kid has kids

Have you considered dying at 72 and leaving an inheritance to cover the wedding?

Anonymous wrote:No, you are not. It’s not 1950.

I plan to help but not pay for the whole wedding. I also don’t plan to meddle in their decision to get married and when. They go together.

What does 1950 have to do with anything?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why your kid needs to be punished for *your* age when they get married.

It's only punishment if you view having your wedding paid for as an entitlement. OP - if you can't afford to pay for a wedding in your retirement, then you don't have to. It would be foolish to spend the funds on a wedding.

I agree with you that paying for a wedding is a nice to have. However, go re-read the OP. She hates her child and is obvious about it.

I don’t get that at all from the post. And plenty of people have no intention of paying for weddings - me included and I’m crazy about my kids. I just don’t value weddings enough to commit financial resources to them. My kids are all aware.

How much did your wedding cost?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why your kid needs to be punished for *your* age when they get married.

It's only punishment if you view having your wedding paid for as an entitlement. OP - if you can't afford to pay for a wedding in your retirement, then you don't have to. It would be foolish to spend the funds on a wedding.

I agree with you that paying for a wedding is a nice to have. However, go re-read the OP. She hates her child and is obvious about it.

I don’t get that at all from the post. And plenty of people have no intention of paying for weddings - me included and I’m crazy about my kids. I just don’t value weddings enough to commit financial resources to them. My kids are all aware.