Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be real. Please don’t be real.

This.

Between DH and I, we have 6 degrees. And 2 kids in college. And yet DH's siblings who didn't go to college didn't reach out when their first child was applying. Nor did we expect them too. We would ask questions, "how is it going? this time of year can be stressful!" and left it at that. My brother is a MD, but I don't call asking him for advice for every ailment.

How'd that work out for them? Where did the kid go, how much debt has he or she taken on?

Your kids would have been happy to help their middle class cousins. What lovelies. Too bad they are they aren’t older because I’m sure Penn would have given more aid if your DS had devoted his essay to such important charity work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So tell us what mistakes they made.

Did not apply for any outside scholarships. 4.0 GPA but submitted good not great test scores when she should not have. Did not know about app fee waivers. Did not know she is technically a under-represented minority. Did not apply to any T25s when they have the most financial aid and their family is MC. Essays were dime a dozen cliche. She is deeply involved in a really, really hook-ish activity but she did not mention it at all because she was embarrassed. They think the automatic tuition discounts regional non-selective universities are offering them are amazing scholarships only offered to her. They are letting the mailers they random receive drive their interest.

Every essay is cliche except for the ones that are trying too hard. The sad part is how many kids who don't realize that the best and most expensive schools are usually the cheapest for middle class families.

Anonymous wrote:So tell us what mistakes they made.

Did not apply for any outside scholarships. 4.0 GPA but submitted good not great test scores when she should not have. Did not know about app fee waivers. Did not know she is technically a under-represented minority. Did not apply to any T25s when they have the most financial aid and their family is MC. Essays were dime a dozen cliche. She is deeply involved in a really, really hook-ish activity but she did not mention it at all because she was embarrassed. They think the automatic tuition discounts regional non-selective universities are offering them are amazing scholarships only offered to her. They are letting the mailers they random receive drive their interest.

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be real. Please don’t be real.

This.

Between DH and I, we have 6 degrees. And 2 kids in college. And yet DH's siblings who didn't go to college didn't reach out when their first child was applying. Nor did we expect them too. We would ask questions, "how is it going? this time of year can be stressful!" and left it at that. My brother is a MD, but I don't call asking him for advice for every ailment.

Anonymous wrote:So, I have a different take on this thread. I'm helping a family where the HHI is $40K. Their student qualifies for a full ride (minus $2-5K) at every school they are considering. The family had NO IDEA this was true until I showed them how the NPC worked, walked them through the CSS, etc. Now the student can apply to many more schools. I am doing this as volunteer work, but it might apply to OP's family, too. Sometimes people don't know what they don't know and it can disadvantage their kids needlessly.

It can be even more destructive than this. Some parents arrogantly think they know what they're doing in admissions, when they haven't a clue. They are easy marks who think a $30K "scholarship" offered to their kid to make a regional private college "only" $29K a year out of pocket is a steal. Same for regional public universities who give every out-of-state applicants a "scholarship" to make the tuition closer to in-state costs. Many gullible families have no idea this is just a discount offered to everyone.

The comedic relief one gets here observing equivalently tone-deaf shrews attacking each other is really priceless.

How dare you express such narcissistic, pseudo-intellectual views of your family?!

Now, see here! Watch me express how horrible you are by going on a narcissistic, pseudo-intellectual bender of my own, where I fulfill my public duty by judging you based on two paragraphs, and then flog / dress you down for expressing something no less cringe-y than what I have to say in response!

So tell us what mistakes they made.

Anonymous wrote:For everyone offended by OPs attitude, you may not get it. A lot of people think that applying to any college is the same; it isn’t. A successful application to George Mason can be ripped out in moments, but not one for a highly selective school. Successfully applying to a highly selective school takes advanced planning and careful application work. Most average families have no clue about this. That’s why they keep going to the same schools and repeating the same patterns of their parents. Half the job of doing better in life is to expand your worldview to know what is possible and how to achieve it.

I have heard more than a handful of clueless parents brag about those automatic "scholarships" to noncompetitive colleges, as if anyone at low tier colleges plays sticker price. Apparently that hustle works on gullible parents. It's like going to TJ Maxx or Nordstrom Rack and bragging you got something for half off the sticker price.

Gosh, OP - I really can’t imagine why your brother hasn’t come to you, hat in hand, on bended knee, to plead for your “sophistication” and wise counsel! What an ignorant rube he must be.

So, I have a different take on this thread. I'm helping a family where the HHI is $40K. Their student qualifies for a full ride (minus $2-5K) at every school they are considering. The family had NO IDEA this was true until I showed them how the NPC worked, walked them through the CSS, etc. Now the student can apply to many more schools. I am doing this as volunteer work, but it might apply to OP's family, too. Sometimes people don't know what they don't know and it can disadvantage their kids needlessly.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like you’ve posted this before?

I think she has. Ugh!

I'd just offer assistance to my niece if she has any questions and remind her that her cousins recently went through the process.

Hmmm... I MYOB when it comes to my "less sophisticated" family members. You should also STFU, IMHO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For everyone offended by OPs attitude, you may not get it. A lot of people think that applying to any college is the same; it isn’t. A successful application to George Mason can be ripped out in moments, but not one for a highly selective school. Successfully applying to a highly selective school takes advanced planning and careful application work. Most average families have no clue about this. That’s why they keep going to the same schools and repeating the same patterns of their parents. Half the job of doing better in life is to expand your worldview to know what is possible and how to achieve it.

Thank you for snob-splaining elite college admission to a forum full of people who are in fact very knowledgeable about elite college admission. I can’t even with the “plebes and poors just need to expand their worldview”/ let them eat cake attitude. You need to talk down this forum. Most us do get it. We just also think OP has a terrible attitude toward relatives they consider lesser than. And that OP doesn’t need to talk down or patronizing explain things to her “blue collar” relatives. Having less money doesn’t make them idiots. Any advice worth getting meets people where they are. It never seems to dawn on OP (or you) that different people have have different priorities. And if OP does need to stop, reflect, and accep that a “good” outcome can be measured in a myriad of different way.

Both of you are obnoxious because you think you know what is best for everyone else, and have no clue that other people have different priorities than you and your family. And that not everyone wants to be you or your kids.

— signed UMC DMV whose kids did very well in college admissions by DCUM standards. But, who would never presume to wander around telling other people how to live their lives.

This. I've offered to answer any questions BIL/SIL as their son starts college apps since they didn't go to college (DH was first in family) but I also fully recognize that the most likely path is he'll go to ODU and live at home, just like DH did. Or success could mean certificate or apprentice programs through their community college. I would be a bit more assertive about suggesting they take a shot at highly selective schools if I knew he had the kind of stellar academic profile that makes that conversation even worth having but he doesn't (and neither did my kids!). Yeah, merit aid is great and we definitely learned a lot about that and used it for DD to go to the small private she wanted. But, for the most part, merit aid is for affluent, but not very-affluent families, who can pay the $40-$50K for their kids to go away to college.

Of course, those "blue collar" families may also be affluent. My wealthiest relative is an electrician who has built up a very successful electrical contracting company. And one of my nephews does well with his own auto repair business (community college certification, no 4-year college). So you don't always know what is going on and class differences can be hard to navigate between siblings.