Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is having a hard time accepting this rule. He's a rising sophomore and somehow thinks that he can just get a blank check for school. My wife seems to want to side with him. This is going to be a rough Thanksgiving!
This came up because his grades have been slipping. I reminded him of our deal and he now thinks I'm trying to "control" him.
Are parents really just writing a blank check for their kids? Am I so out of touch to have standards?

Agree with the over 3.0 rule. Kid can pay for their own college later, when they are a year or two or three years older, after working a menial job and figuring out the literal value of college.

What menial job can he work at for 2-3 years and earn the $100k needed for a college degree?!

Anonymous wrote:My son is having a hard time accepting this rule. He's a rising sophomore and somehow thinks that he can just get a blank check for school. My wife seems to want to side with him. This is going to be a rough Thanksgiving!
This came up because his grades have been slipping. I reminded him of our deal and he now thinks I'm trying to "control" him.
Are parents really just writing a blank check for their kids? Am I so out of touch to have standards?

Agree with the over 3.0 rule. Kid can pay for their own college later, when they are a year or two or three years older, after working a menial job and figuring out the literal value of college.

Anonymous wrote:I told my son the same thing. Given how expensive college is, it's entirely reasonable. However I'm prepared to advise him on scheduling classes (not too many, or too difficult all at once), and trouble-shooting any issues that come up, since he has ADHD and ASD and sometimes missed the forest for the trees.

Whoa power down the chopper

Anonymous wrote:My son is having a hard time accepting this rule. He's a rising sophomore and somehow thinks that he can just get a blank check for school. My wife seems to want to side with him. This is going to be a rough Thanksgiving!
This came up because his grades have been slipping. I reminded him of our deal and he now thinks I'm trying to "control" him.
Are parents really just writing a blank check for their kids? Am I so out of touch to have standards?

"Standards" is a tough definition for me when you send a kid to college. Yes, we had standards for US/HS grades. We also set limits on how long they could stay out at night with their friends. For us, those rules went out the window when our kid went to college this year as a Freshman. They have the freedom to make their own decisions (and we hope we taught them the correct values).

I'm sure, as parents we all want the best for our kids. I am sure you want the same. Please don't punish them for finding their way. I'm sure you will be proud after he graduates and has a stellar job.

My view might not be popular to you or other posters, but college was a difficult time for me in the first couple years. My grades were not up to par. However, I learned a ton about life and having to advocate for myself.

Allow your son some time to find out who he is and wants to be. Give him some time to meet new friends

I graduated with a 2.5. Horrible GPA. I was never asked about my GPA when applying to jobs. I found a high paying job here in DC. I guess it worked out so well that I can reply to posts on DCUMs.

Anonymous wrote:My son is having a hard time accepting this rule. He's a rising sophomore and somehow thinks that he can just get a blank check for school. My wife seems to want to side with him. This is going to be a rough Thanksgiving!
This came up because his grades have been slipping. I reminded him of our deal and he now thinks I'm trying to "control" him.
Are parents really just writing a blank check for their kids? Am I so out of touch to have standards?

Why? The degree is the same whether he gets a 2.0, a 3.0 or a 4.0. This seems arbitrary on your part.

What do they call a doctor who got Cs in medical school? (The answer is: “Doctor.”)

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel your pain. We're paying 65k out of pocket per year and my son seems to think that it's perfectly fine to half ass it.
I've told him he has one semester to get his act together or we stop paying and he has to find an alternative.
The fact is college is expensive. It's a huge sacrifice for me. I've denied myself many things to give my son this privilege he is not allowed to waste the opportunity.
Just make sure that there isn't a good reason for his recent decline. But if it turns out that he's just slacking off then rain hellfire down on his ass!

It’s your money and surprise you are trying to control him! Money is power, isn’t he learning that at the school? Anyway you will spend your money on whatever you want and the customer is always right. If the customer doesn’t want to pay for a D average then don’t.

Maybe you should focus on the practical rather than the emotional/confrontational. He should realize that he needs to maintain a 3.0 to be considered for internships, jobs, and grad school. If he slips one semester, not the end of the world, but he should try to maintain his GPA overall.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My son has already had his chance its why he's a rising sophomore in a fall semester. He started college last year had some trouble took some time off. We've paid for tutoring, therapy and all other kinds of support. The GPA requirement was to ensure that he wouldn't just try to skate by. Truthfully I'd be happy if just graduated.
Now he's making the same mistakes again! I'm not up for this nonsense anymore. His classes are fairly easy, this is a matter of taking his work seriously. I want the best for him, but I also can't throw my money away. We're not wealthy people, this is a huge expense for us.

If he is in therapy (or needs to be), then be very careful with the “tough love” (or love with strings attached ) approach.

If you would just be happy for him to graduate, then don’t cut off funds at a B GPA.

Perhaps you are in denial about what he is capable of (not intellectually but psychologically or emotionally). Consider that, even though it may make you sad.

I was smart in HS and then went to a good college and became average. I was overwhelmed and went from being almost straight As to having a lot of Bs and even a C. My mom didn't say anything, but my final GpA was 3.15 so I did ok in the end.

I did work harder than a lot of my college friends and maybe that's why my mom didn't push. I don't know how I would have done with an ultimatum.

What's his GPA, OP? (Maybe I missed it?)

This approach is not what will cause him to develop maturity. Time, listening to peers, and trying to get internships are what help develop the maturity to get good grades. Wait till he gets nothing this summer due to low-ish grades. A year from now he might be an entirely different kid. (I am completely serious.)

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My son has already had his chance its why he's a rising sophomore in a fall semester. He started college last year had some trouble took some time off. We've paid for tutoring, therapy and all other kinds of support. The GPA requirement was to ensure that he wouldn't just try to skate by. Truthfully I'd be happy if just graduated.
Now he's making the same mistakes again! I'm not up for this nonsense anymore. His classes are fairly easy, this is a matter of taking his work seriously. I want the best for him, but I also can't throw my money away. We're not wealthy people, this is a huge expense for us.

Okay, then play it out:
You stop paying. Kid can’t afford it, so he drops out.
Where is he living? With you? Or can he afford to pay his own rent and living expenses? I highly doubt he could do that if you live here in metro DC.
What kind of job is he getting?
Health insurance? Phone?
Does he have a car?

All I’m saying is that if you are saying you’re going to go nuclear, be ready for the other side.

Sounds like there is more going on here. That said, I had one crappy semester when I got 3 Cs in college. I still couldn’t even tell you why. My parents threatened to bring me home if I had any more semesters like that. I never did.

Sometimes it is just bad luck and circumstances. I graduated with honors in the end.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My son has already had his chance its why he's a rising sophomore in a fall semester. He started college last year had some trouble took some time off. We've paid for tutoring, therapy and all other kinds of support. The GPA requirement was to ensure that he wouldn't just try to skate by. Truthfully I'd be happy if just graduated.
Now he's making the same mistakes again! I'm not up for this nonsense anymore. His classes are fairly easy, this is a matter of taking his work seriously. I want the best for him, but I also can't throw my money away. We're not wealthy people, this is a huge expense for us.

You’ve gotten good advice about getting to the root cause, and it sounds like you did so on your own in the past as well. So maybe this is all he can do. Our ds stayed about a 2.8/3.0. Made deans list once. BUT, he graduated in 4 yrs, did two summer internships, and was fully employed at a very good starting salary within 8 weeks of graduating. For us, we knew he could have maybe done a smidge better ( has some issues) but overall that was all he was going to do. We felt getting a college degree was the most important goal for him. He’s quite likable but not an academic rock star- we knew the degree was more “ check the box”. That’s for him. Our other dc are very gifted academically and so they have different goals.

He’s happy, he’s employed, lives with roommates, saving money. All in all we feel successfully launched. I’d focus on the issues and support where you can so that he at least graduates. Never heard it until this site but people on here often say “ C’s get degrees”!

Anonymous wrote:My son is having a hard time accepting this rule. He's a rising sophomore and somehow thinks that he can just get a blank check for school. My wife seems to want to side with him. This is going to be a rough Thanksgiving!
This came up because his grades have been slipping. I reminded him of our deal and he now thinks I'm trying to "control" him.
Are parents really just writing a blank check for their kids? Am I so out of touch to have standards?

You are trying to control him. Good luck when her gets married and drops you for his wife’s family. This is what happened to my mom.