So many people too excited to call you names and not even acknowledge that three sets of parents in this scenario were just so rude!!! What is the world coming to.

Yes they all may have had something going on (…such as getting their sons together separately!!!! Hello!!!), but that doesn’t invalidate your feelings. Don’t give the rude parents a taste of their own medicine or whatever you said, you just do you and act according to the example you would like to set for your son if he knew about all this. You know the rude parents will never notice, or won’t care since they’re obviously easygoing about RSVPing themselves. RSVP, get your kid there and back within the appointed times, get an appropriate present but no overspending, don’t let your kid be fawning or ridiculous about his friendship. But also have compassion for your kid, he’s trying to make friends at a new school, don’t make it harder for him with behind the scenes drama coming from you.

In the meantime, know that it’s perfectly valid to have clocked that other kid’s parents’ rudeness, since it tells you that you might not want to hang out with them too much, since your styles are so different. You don’t need to do them any favors, just be cordial.

Anonymous wrote:Op i agree with others and it looks like people are unanimous, you’re overreacting. I’m not saying it wasn’t a total jerk move to have two kids hang separately and not attend the party. It definitely is. But since his parents may have been a big part of it and also because these relationships can be long, kids grow up, etc., you have to let your kid lead here. Kids honestly unfortunately do jerk stuff all the time and friendships go up and down.

One of my best friends from childhood who I am still close with at 33, snubbed me one time in 7th grade in a way that made both my grandmother and mother also feel snubbed because they had sewed something for her for the event (at her request/our plan together). It was totally a jerk move! But she was 12 and didn’t even really realize what she was doing, not fully at least. We ended up close again later and as I said our friendship stands today. My mom and grandma have honestly never fully forgiven her lol! They at least still definitely remember it. But I have zero feelings about it - it was preteen stuff.

Let them work it out. Parents do sound clueless though! (If not actual jerks but not enough info to know!)

A few people from my preteen years tried to friend on facebook and instagram. I still hold a grudge 30 years later. lol I remember them as unkind and bad friends. I don’t want them as part of my lives. Their instagrams look fine and they look like nice people.

Op i agree with others and it looks like people are unanimous, you’re overreacting. I’m not saying it wasn’t a total jerk move to have two kids hang separately and not attend the party. It definitely is. But since his parents may have been a big part of it and also because these relationships can be long, kids grow up, etc., you have to let your kid lead here. Kids honestly unfortunately do jerk stuff all the time and friendships go up and down.

One of my best friends from childhood who I am still close with at 33, snubbed me one time in 7th grade in a way that made both my grandmother and mother also feel snubbed because they had sewed something for her for the event (at her request/our plan together). It was totally a jerk move! But she was 12 and didn’t even really realize what she was doing, not fully at least. We ended up close again later and as I said our friendship stands today. My mom and grandma have honestly never fully forgiven her lol! They at least still definitely remember it. But I have zero feelings about it - it was preteen stuff.

Let them work it out. Parents do sound clueless though! (If not actual jerks but not enough info to know!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS 11 moved schools last year. For his first bday in the new school (after a full school year) I invited 5-6 boys he indicated as close friends to paintball, through the parents. On the day, something like 2 kids were on time, 2 kids sharing a ride were an hour late and 2 kids were a no show, one had not replied to the invite at all and we found out later they hung out together that day. DS was sad about the whole thing, but we did the best we could under the circumstances, followed by a talk about maybe branching out to other boys.

This year, the no reply no show boy has a bday coming up, and DS is eager to go. I dont want him to and think he shouldnt go because the parents were so rude/clueless and the kid also never apologized or acknowledged.

Am I overreacting? Should I leave it at not inviting this kid again, but let my son go to his party? I dont have the stomach to buy a gift, take the time to take and pick up my kid. Partly I want the family to know what it is like to have no response and no show - though I doubt they care much.

You are like me, I never forget and would consider the rudeness the next time as well. I think people show you who they are and well the parents are rude and so you have to decide if you want your kid going to the rude kid's party or not. I'm not petty but I just don't forget and definitely take into consideration these circumstances.

On the other hand being older I do realize now that people are dealing with circumstances much greater than a birthday party snub as suggested in previous posts so I just try to make the best decisions I can at the time.

I’m the pp who said I used to be like OP back when my kids were younger. I also always remember those who flaked or are rude or inconsiderate. My kids are older now and as long as the kid is a nice kid and good friend of my kid, I don’t hold it against the child. Some parents are busy. Some don’t make parties or kid friends a priority. Some are super successful. Some are losers. Some are just inconsiderate.

I have gone through patches where I’m unavailable due to pregnancy, parent health issues, travel. I am just responsive. Not everyone is. If my DH was a mom, he would be a terrible communicator and bad planner and RSVPer. He would not know there was a party and not know another kid and parent were waiting. He wouldn’t even know he offended anyone. I’m sure there are female versions of him. He wouldn’t even be apologetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS 11 moved schools last year. For his first bday in the new school (after a full school year) I invited 5-6 boys he indicated as close friends to paintball, through the parents. On the day, something like 2 kids were on time, 2 kids sharing a ride were an hour late and 2 kids were a no show, one had not replied to the invite at all and we found out later they hung out together that day. DS was sad about the whole thing, but we did the best we could under the circumstances, followed by a talk about maybe branching out to other boys.

This year, the no reply no show boy has a bday coming up, and DS is eager to go. I dont want him to and think he shouldnt go because the parents were so rude/clueless and the kid also never apologized or acknowledged.

Am I overreacting? Should I leave it at not inviting this kid again, but let my son go to his party? I dont have the stomach to buy a gift, take the time to take and pick up my kid. Partly I want the family to know what it is like to have no response and no show - though I doubt they care much.

You are like me, I never forget and would consider the rudeness the next time as well. I think people show you who they are and well the parents are rude and so you have to decide if you want your kid going to the rude kid's party or not. I'm not petty but I just don't forget and definitely take into consideration these circumstances.

On the other hand being older I do realize now that people are dealing with circumstances much greater than a birthday party snub as suggested in previous posts so I just try to make the best decisions I can at the time.

Anonymous wrote:DS 11 moved schools last year. For his first bday in the new school (after a full school year) I invited 5-6 boys he indicated as close friends to paintball, through the parents. On the day, something like 2 kids were on time, 2 kids sharing a ride were an hour late and 2 kids were a no show, one had not replied to the invite at all and we found out later they hung out together that day. DS was sad about the whole thing, but we did the best we could under the circumstances, followed by a talk about maybe branching out to other boys.

This year, the no reply no show boy has a bday coming up, and DS is eager to go. I dont want him to and think he shouldnt go because the parents were so rude/clueless and the kid also never apologized or acknowledged.

Am I overreacting? Should I leave it at not inviting this kid again, but let my son go to his party? I dont have the stomach to buy a gift, take the time to take and pick up my kid. Partly I want the family to know what it is like to have no response and no show - though I doubt they care much.

You are like me, I never forget and would consider the rudeness the next time as well. I think people show you who they are and well the parents are rude and so you have to decide if you want your kid going to the rude kid's party or not. I'm not petty but I just don't forget and definitely take into consideration these circumstances.

I have learned it usually is not you or your kid. Logistics are often hard for my family but we prioritize birthday parties. Paintball is literally the furthest and inconvenient party for a family logistic perspective. Depending on where your child’s birthday falls, it can be a good day or poor day depending on sports and holidays.

I used to get all bent out of shape like OP. That was when I was a newish mom. I got over it by kindergarten. My oldest is now 14. I remember being insulted and took it personally for myself and my son. Two moms were so rude. I later found out one mom had cancer and other mom was divorcing. Divorcing mom flaked and her son was a very good friend of mine. Around age 6, she started being very friendly to me and acted like our boys were BFFs. I remember sending Dh to take our son to the other boy’s party because I was still butt hurt the way OP is. I later realized she had gone through a divorce. I still didn’t care for her as an adult friend but boys were friends. This was when my kids were 4/5 years old! I’m surprised OP is still feeling this way when kids are older.

Wowza!
You are tripping!

Anonymous wrote:

Let him go. Cheap out on the gift.

For a present, I suggest An Ant Farm. The boy will think it's cool and his Mother won't.

I am generally team rise above and behave well no matter what others do… but I kind of love this! 😂 Although if the family is as rich as OP says, it’s the nanny not the mom who will have to deal with it probably.

Grow up, OP.

I do not consider not RSVPing a no show. Not RSVPing yes is by default a no.

Paintball venues are especially far and inconvenient. If the parents don’t know you, I could see them not going.

I don’t think you invited enough kids last year.

I did a paintball party for my kid for his 11th birthday and we invited 40 boys. We had some kids who couldn’t come last minute, one no show, someone come without RSVPing. One mom asked if her other son could join.

I have 3 kids and there are always people who are flaky, are sick, come last minute. It always works out.

My daughter used to be friends with a very famous person’s child. She came to our parties but our kids were close. She rarely came to school events or other parties even if she was always invited.

I would not take it personally.

Anonymous wrote:

Let him go. Cheap out on the gift.

For a present, I suggest An Ant Farm. The boy will think it's cool and his Mother won't.

Yes!

Anonymous wrote:You seem really judgey and unpleasant, OP. Maybe with Karen tendencies. There are inconsiderate ppl, rich and poor. That you think that it is a factor in explaining their behavior says more about u than them. Please don’t pass ur biases to ur kids or

This. You sound insufferable. You spent a whole year thinking about this? Get a life. You say you don’t want to be associated with these people and you want your kid to move on from this friend group, but you have been obsessed with them. There is no way you can have a grudge a year later on an 11-year-old kid. LOL!! It says a lot about you.

Anonymous wrote:I actually think no show no reply is more polite then accepting an invitation and then not showing up.

+1

Maybe they saw the invite and couldn’t make it for whatever reason, but forgot to rsvp no. Or the parents just flaked on rsvp-ing because they had a lot going on in life. You just never know what they were dealing with a year ago. Don’t punish the kid or your son for adult etiquette issues and it’s not worth the grudge. Presumably your son is friends w/ this kid if he’s been invited and it sounds like he really wants to go, so you should honor that if you can. Even if this kid ends up not being a great friend in the long run, this is a life lesson your kid has to figure out on his own.