Anonymous wrote:To the three-category poster, I have a question:

You wrote that category (1) is "Do I want to sleep with her? Yes/No." Then you said "If it is yes to (1), they will sleep with you." Is that really your experience? If so, you must be incredibly charming and attractive.

Less than all of the people I want to sleep with also want to sleep with me, and I won't sleep with all of the people who want to sleep with me. Mismatches seem common in the dating world.

I’m the PP poster. Yes, it is really my experience. If a man is yes to (1), it follows that he will sleep with me—if I want him to. You have to understand which of the 3 categories you are in with the man you are with. Your own categories are irrelevant to his.

I think my current partner started off in your #4 group and now we're at #6 after dating 8 months. It takes time.

Anonymous wrote:
Sounds exhausting.
I just think: "Do I see myself living for years with this person?"
I don't think: "Hmm, maybe there's someone better. Let me keep looking forever."

This is why you're still single.

+1. It doesn’t need to be this complicated. The metric that should matter is 6 or can you see yourself with the person long term. If no, move on. If yes, tell them after a few dates you would like to try being exclusive. This categorization and hand wringing is crazy.

You see 6. They see 3. Sorry, tough out there.

To the three-category poster, I have a question:

You wrote that category (1) is "Do I want to sleep with her? Yes/No." Then you said "If it is yes to (1), they will sleep with you." Is that really your experience? If so, you must be incredibly charming and attractive.

Less than all of the people I want to sleep with also want to sleep with me, and I won't sleep with all of the people who want to sleep with me. Mismatches seem common in the dating world.

Anonymous wrote:OP you have too many categories. And you are missing that men have far fewer categories.
They are:

1) Do I want to sleep with her? Yes/No.

2) Is she so hot that I can’t hear what she’s saying? Yes/No.

3) Do I feel emotionally connected to her through shared vulnerability or at least helping her during her own vulnerability?

If it is yes to (1), they will sleep with you.
If yes to (1) & (2), they will want a relationship with you (not necessarily a committed one).
If yes to all 3 (and sometimes to (1) & (2) alone), they will feel emotionally involved and disappointed/hurt if you do not follow through with a commitment.

This is good! What if it’s 1 and 3? I think most good matches are in that category (OP’s category 5, and maybe 4?)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have too many categories. And you are missing that men have far fewer categories.
They are:

1) Do I want to sleep with her? Yes/No.

2) Is she so hot that I can’t hear what she’s saying? Yes/No.

3) Do I feel emotionally connected to her through shared vulnerability or at least helping her during her own vulnerability?

If it is yes to (1), they will sleep with you.
If yes to (1) & (2), they will want a relationship with you (not necessarily a committed one).
If yes to all 3 (and sometimes to (1) & (2) alone), they will feel emotionally involved and disappointed/hurt if you do not follow through with a commitment.

I don’t understand (2). So hot they can’t hear what I’m saying? I’m cute, or pretty, but nobody’s going to think I’m so hot they can’t hear what I’m saying, and if they did, that would be just weird and creepy.

I’m a woman and I have felt this with exactly three men in my life. Once I started the coffee maker without the carafe being in place just because the guy was at my house and we were chatting. Another time (another guy), we were intimate and afterwards he asked me why I was so quiet; I told him because my brain completely shuts down when I’m with him, which was true. There is a song about not being able to feel your face—it’s like that. And the third time we didn’t get very far because we’d go out for coffee and I’d turn into a spaced out fan girl, and he probably thought I was an idiot. I’m guessing misogyny has roots in the fact that men feel this strongly about women much more often, rendering them unable to function.

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this are the reason I am extra nice to my wife, do housework, and hope to never date again.

Amen

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have too many categories. And you are missing that men have far fewer categories.
They are:

1) Do I want to sleep with her? Yes/No.

2) Is she so hot that I can’t hear what she’s saying? Yes/No.

3) Do I feel emotionally connected to her through shared vulnerability or at least helping her during her own vulnerability?

If it is yes to (1), they will sleep with you.
If yes to (1) & (2), they will want a relationship with you (not necessarily a committed one).
If yes to all 3 (and sometimes to (1) & (2) alone), they will feel emotionally involved and disappointed/hurt if you do not follow through with a commitment.

I don’t understand (2). So hot they can’t hear what I’m saying? I’m cute, or pretty, but nobody’s going to think I’m so hot they can’t hear what I’m saying, and if they did, that would be just weird and creepy.

Ask a man.

Anonymous wrote:OP you have too many categories. And you are missing that men have far fewer categories.
They are:

1) Do I want to sleep with her? Yes/No.

2) Is she so hot that I can’t hear what she’s saying? Yes/No.

3) Do I feel emotionally connected to her through shared vulnerability or at least helping her during her own vulnerability?

If it is yes to (1), they will sleep with you.
If yes to (1) & (2), they will want a relationship with you (not necessarily a committed one).
If yes to all 3 (and sometimes to (1) & (2) alone), they will feel emotionally involved and disappointed/hurt if you do not follow through with a commitment.

I don’t understand (2). So hot they can’t hear what I’m saying? I’m cute, or pretty, but nobody’s going to think I’m so hot they can’t hear what I’m saying, and if they did, that would be just weird and creepy.

OP you have too many categories. And you are missing that men have far fewer categories.
They are:

1) Do I want to sleep with her? Yes/No.

2) Is she so hot that I can’t hear what she’s saying? Yes/No.

3) Do I feel emotionally connected to her through shared vulnerability or at least helping her during her own vulnerability?

If it is yes to (1), they will sleep with you.
If yes to (1) & (2), they will want a relationship with you (not necessarily a committed one).
If yes to all 3 (and sometimes to (1) & (2) alone), they will feel emotionally involved and disappointed/hurt if you do not follow through with a commitment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all don't ever just let life happen? Y'all don't ever stop thinking you are more important than you are, and just take it in, without the pretense?

No wonder y'all still single.

I didn’t have OP’s categories, but I married category 6 and it would not have occurred to me to settle for less.

What makes you think your category 6 husband isn't going to sleep with somebody else, just like OP's dates ?

Well, to be honest, just because someone is attractive to you doesn’t mean they are attractive to everyone else. He’s bald and has an expanding dad bod like most men his age but I see the man I was attracted to the first time I met him, and I hope that’s how he sees me too.