Anonymous
Post 11/16/2023 09:55     Subject: Re:rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a similarly aged child who is fixated on a particular university although we’ve never visited nor do we have any connection to it. He uses his plans for future application to motivate all of his middle school work and performance.

I am in full support of having goals and personal standards, but I do not feed into this by planning visits or discussing colleges.

Instead, I praise efforts, hard work and resilience. I also infuse into conversation when he brings up the college, the fact that he has lots of time to think about where he would like to attend college and what he wants to study. I also frequently remind him that there is more than one path to success and to allow himself grace and flexibility.

In my child’s case, he has a lot of self-imposed pressure and I want to ensure that I am helping him to create a release valve for all of this.


OP here. This is EXACTLY how she is, which is why I don't want to feed into it.

On the other hand, I kinda of wonder if I can play dumb and maybe run her by this specific colleges as well as others to get her thinking more outside the box. I can see that backfiring, though.


I was her. Definitely visit many colleges at this age! I saw Harvard on a vacation when I was in elementary school. The only other college I saw all the way through college acceptances was our local state college. I obsessed over Harvard because it symbolized “college” to me. So naive!

I ended up going to Yale, but I think I would have had an easier and healthier middle school and high school life and made better college choices if I’d seen a variety of colleges and understood the options. I turned down a few excellent SLACs, applied to and got into the wrong Ivys for my needs and personality, and never even considered state flagships that would have been way better fits just because I didn’t know what they were like. Now we take my child to every college we’re ever near.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2023 09:35     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Actually, a specific college - we've started summer vacation planning, and she's asked if we can include a visit in our plans. Our location is always flexible, and she knows it, so "that's not nearby" isn't an excuse, because we can make it nearby. I think it's silly to visit colleges at her age, though. Any advice on how to say no without her moping all next summer when we don't cave and do it?
You are the parent you don't need an excuse. Maybe she'll be moping around, it's not the end of the world, she'll get over it. And why would you cave because your kid is moping around? I dont mean to sound rude, but you are making yourself sound like a pushover as a parent.


Because we don't believe in dragging kids around somewhere they hate. That's not pleasant for US.
Did you mean to reply to me? I didn't mention anything about OP dragging her kid around somewhere she didn't want to be. OP asked for advice on how to break it to her kid that she did not plan on taking her to visit the college. That's what my post is about. I don't even agree with OP, I'd take my kid to see the school, whats the big deal. But it sounded like OP had her mind made up and wanted to know how to break it to her kid.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2023 09:33     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Actually, a specific college - we've started summer vacation planning, and she's asked if we can include a visit in our plans. Our location is always flexible, and she knows it, so "that's not nearby" isn't an excuse, because we can make it nearby. I think it's silly to visit colleges at her age, though. Any advice on how to say no without her moping all next summer when we don't cave and do it?
You are the parent you don't need an excuse. Maybe she'll be moping around, it's not the end of the world, she'll get over it. And why would you cave because your kid is moping around? I dont mean to sound rude, but you are making yourself sound like a pushover as a parent.


Because we don't believe in dragging kids around somewhere they hate. That's not pleasant for US.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2023 09:31     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Anonymous wrote:Actually, a specific college - we've started summer vacation planning, and she's asked if we can include a visit in our plans. Our location is always flexible, and she knows it, so "that's not nearby" isn't an excuse, because we can make it nearby. I think it's silly to visit colleges at her age, though. Any advice on how to say no without her moping all next summer when we don't cave and do it?
You are the parent you don't need an excuse. Maybe she'll be moping around, it's not the end of the world, she'll get over it. And why would you cave because your kid is moping around? I dont mean to sound rude, but you are making yourself sound like a pushover as a parent.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2023 08:48     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What's the harm?


It can hurt her socially. When she’s talking in the carpool in 6th grade repeatedly about her visit to UVA, Harvard or whatever college and the other kids are rolling their eyes. This happened more than once with DD’s group of kids she knew.

There is no reason to do this before 6th grade.


Talking repeatedly about something is another issue. Well-adjusted kids know to mention it once if asked about their summer, then to drop it. And your DD should not be rolling her eyes at kids who don't have a good handle on social interactions - what a horrible little child.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 14:04     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
14:02 again and there no harm in going to something at the college. Like a sports game, play or any event. But don’t specifically go to tour the college.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 14:02     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Anonymous wrote:What's the harm?


It can hurt her socially. When she’s talking in the carpool in 6th grade repeatedly about her visit to UVA, Harvard or whatever college and the other kids are rolling their eyes. This happened more than once with DD’s group of kids she knew.

There is no reason to do this before 6th grade.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 13:56     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Anonymous wrote:We were in Colorado Springs and toured the Academy with our 9 year old. It was pretty cool!

But it is far. Maybe see if they have a virtual tour?


We want to combine it with our summer trip. Far is ok.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 13:56     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
We were in Colorado Springs and toured the Academy with our 9 year old. It was pretty cool!

But it is far. Maybe see if they have a virtual tour?
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 13:50     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
What’s the harm? Not an official visit. Just walk around the campus, maybe eat lunch there. My kid is into sports so wants to see the stadiums.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 13:07     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
PP wouldn’t make it an official visit
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 13:06     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Why not? Not sure what the problem is. I would make it an official visit because that is absurd but I’d take her to walk around and see it. My dad used to take us to the Navel Academy all the time.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 13:05     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Anonymous wrote:What's the big deal? Go visit the school.

My DH visited Stanford around that age and decided that was the school for him. He applied to two schools and got in. Gave him something to strive for. But still, this doesn't have to be that deep or a big deal. Go, visit, discuss, move on.


+1. And after seeing it's the US Air Force Academy, in a great location for a vacation, why the heck not?
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 12:56     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, any chance you'll share the school? This is school dependent in my opinion. She wants to visit Harvard and you're happy to go to Boston? Sure, spend a day in Cambridge (and in this case, add on another school or two - MIT, Tufts, BC, etc.) She wants to visit Cornell? If you're happy spending times in the Finger Lakes, than sure. But, if it's a place far away from anywhere you'd go otherwise then no. Make it breezy. And I wouldn't worry too much about her fixating on a school. Things will likely change over the years, and if they don't, you can start helping her expand her mindset later down the line.


Air Force Academy. Definitely not opposed to visiting Colorado Springs (we're outdoorsy), but I admit we've never considered vacationing there.


That is interesting. I do think there might be some value to exploring early what a military academy really looks like and feels like. But, I would not fly a 6th grader to Colorado solely for this purpose. I would be like “let’s go visit the naval academy first.”


This is a good point that I am definitely not ready to think about.

She's shown no interest in the Naval Academy, and again - this would be combined with a family vacation, so we do need to go somewhere. So I don't know. When you put it that way, maybe a Colorado ranch vacation next summer is in the cards.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2023 12:45     Subject: rising 6th grader asking to visit colleges
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, any chance you'll share the school? This is school dependent in my opinion. She wants to visit Harvard and you're happy to go to Boston? Sure, spend a day in Cambridge (and in this case, add on another school or two - MIT, Tufts, BC, etc.) She wants to visit Cornell? If you're happy spending times in the Finger Lakes, than sure. But, if it's a place far away from anywhere you'd go otherwise then no. Make it breezy. And I wouldn't worry too much about her fixating on a school. Things will likely change over the years, and if they don't, you can start helping her expand her mindset later down the line.


Air Force Academy. Definitely not opposed to visiting Colorado Springs (we're outdoorsy), but I admit we've never considered vacationing there.


If you are in the DMV do a tourist tour of the Naval Academy. We did that with my 10 year old DS because he was so curious (Top Gun played a role here!). I also asked for "books for college" when I was 4, so I don't think it's that crazy. But for a service academy it's a good idea to at least have an idea of that in your head in late middle school, there are a lot of factors at play to get in.