My DS age 8 is on screens from time he gets home until dinner, which is 1 to 1.5 hr on most nights. He gets home around 4:45 and is exhausted. After dinner, we have family time (he reads or plays, usually nearby, while I clean kitchen, and then we typically have some nonscreen hangout time with him to play a card game or the like). Some week days he plays with neighborhood kids, but not most. Bus gets home fairly late. Once a week he has a sports practice.

We do no screens in the morning, when he has more energy, and he usually has free time to entertain himself (drawing, reading). But in the evening ... screens are part of the routine.

My main recommendation is to just have strong routines/rules. I don't mind some screen time, but I am extremely annoyed by the constant asking for screens. Said, as someone who let some general routines/rules slide recently and have definitely been seeing the negative outcomes (constant asking, whining that they don't know what to do without screens).

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else not care about screentime that much? I watched a ton of TV after school as a kid and I think I’m just fine. My kids all have friends, participate in sports/extracurriculars, and are doing well in school. We go on vacations, visit relatives, go to parks and museums and restaurants and they never ask for screens in those situations (so it’s clear they are capable of happily functioning without them). If they’re tired after a long day at school and they want to spend a couple of hours playing Minecraft… personally I don’t think it’s a big deal. But the more I read this board the more I wonder how much of an outlier I am…

I don't think you're an outlier - DCUM is a very specific sample and also that people exaggerate or outright lie about things they perceive socially undesirable (e.g., unlimited screen time).

Our rule is they have to have their rooms clean and have done any necessary afterschool activities (unpacking lunch, homework, etc.) before they can have any screens. In our house, that screentime often looks like two kids watching something together, or all three playing a video game with dad, etc. Like you, PP, our kids have sports and extracurriculars, friends, are doing well in school. We have weeknight family dinners and DH and I walk our boys to school every morning. We don't do screens in restaurants or get-togethers with other families. Kids need downtime and if that's sometimes on a screen, NBD to us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oldest is starting K next year. When do you find time to… hang out? Play/relax as a family?

Spending the entire day apart then rushing to do everything from 4-7:30/8:00 sounds horrible!

No judgment, but a real question! Is there no family time when kids head to elementary?

The family time becomes more about quality than quantity

I also had the no screen during the week rule when my kids were in ES and I miss it! Definitely do that. So much harder with teens. Weekends are chock full of family time and weeknights we have dinner together every night unless we can't. One parent walks the dog with one kid and one parent washes the dishes with the other. So they're definitely a lot of kid-parent relationships, not necessarily "everyone all together at once" which is ok! Like a pp said; this is a part of them growing up and developing separately from you.

You say that like it’s normal, when in other countries they spend a lot of time together as a family. And they’re much better off for it.

Of course kids should have their own thing. But these rushed days with little to no family time that isn’t also spent completing tasks around the house or driving?

The American way of life is so sad sometimes.

Just like we all brush off active shooter drills. “It’s just a part of life. Get used to it.”

Just sad.