Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

When people love one another, they will move mountains.

DH focused his entire career search to where I wanted to go. I got a new job to follow DH later. Then we moved again with kids. Now I’m a SAHM.

My BIL recently met someone great from California and he lives on the east coast. They both seemed to think it couldn’t work because both started recent jobs. I thought this was such an easy fix as both of them are extremely bright and could get jobs easily. Instead they gave up due to logistics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

14 years here and have moved on but never forgotten.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That intense chemistry fades, OP. It has to, or we would all walk around in that drugged up state. Maybe you'd get 3 years max where it was that good, but then you have to work hard at growing it into companionate love.

Believe me, I am addicted to that intense chemistry. I've had it with a few boyfriends. It's amazing and makes life so incredible. But it always always always fades with time.

+100

My husband and I had it bad—-crazy! Felt like losing a limb when we weren’t together. “Get a room” teasing. While it can spark up again 25 years later—-that new chemistry is something else. It’s not sustainable day in day out. It evolves to a warm ember.

Anonymous wrote:That intense chemistry fades, OP. It has to, or we would all walk around in that drugged up state. Maybe you'd get 3 years max where it was that good, but then you have to work hard at growing it into companionate love.

Believe me, I am addicted to that intense chemistry. I've had it with a few boyfriends. It's amazing and makes life so incredible. But it always always always fades with time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.

OP you don’t love each other. People who love each other find a way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.

Trust me OP — if he had just dumped you it would be worse. Why wouldn’t you have lingering feelings after being dumped? I’ve been dumped a couple of times (once very recently), and it’s brutal. Exactly because I had feelings, and then all my hopes were dashed. It’s called heartbreak. So please explain how being dumped sets you free from lingering feelings, because if you could bottle that elixir, you will become very wealthy. And I’m left with my lingering feelings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

That’s all BS. You are both choosing to break up for valid reasons. You are prioritizing other things over your relationship. Which is fine. But own it, accept it, and move on. But even if you did stay together, amazing chemistry fades with time.

Well no, we didn't really choose it. That's kind of the point. Not sure why people on DCUM have some kind of a narrative they always insist on and then try to bludgeon/twist the arm of the OP until they agree to go along with it. Maybe an intellectual inability to conceptualize that others have different lived experiences?

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.