My MIL makes a show of offering to help right when everything is pretty much done. I used to be so mad about it, but now I find it hilarious. But they never stay more than two nights so it's not a big deal.

My mom is local, but she's sometimes TOO helpful, if that makes any sense. She fusses and can't relax and gets in the way. Again, this was frustrating when my kids were younger, but it's easier now that I'm getting more sleep

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in a note when you visit. No way am no I cleaning someone else’s guest room.

That's funny. I have a large vacation home where my kids come to stay often. If they visit when I am there, I spend hours cleaning and childproofing for grandkids, I do all of the laundry for towels, bedding, etc. I do all of the grocery shopping, cooking or pay for all meals. I finally got frustrated that they treated me and my house like a free hotel. I ask them to make the beds with clean sheets before they leave, to empty their trash and to hang up their towels to dry. If staying in a hotel is preferable, knock yourself out.

The moral of the story is that family members should communicate.

A beach house is different than someone visiting their parents’ home in rural Pennsylvania whatever for the holidays, and you know it. Don’t act cute. We get it, you needed us to know you have a beach house.

Uh, this is an anonymous board. She would have a beach house whether or not you know about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in a note when you visit. No way am no I cleaning someone else’s guest room.

That's funny. I have a large vacation home where my kids come to stay often. If they visit when I am there, I spend hours cleaning and childproofing for grandkids, I do all of the laundry for towels, bedding, etc. I do all of the grocery shopping, cooking or pay for all meals. I finally got frustrated that they treated me and my house like a free hotel. I ask them to make the beds with clean sheets before they leave, to empty their trash and to hang up their towels to dry. If staying in a hotel is preferable, knock yourself out.

The moral of the story is that family members should communicate.

You did a crummy job raising your children if you had to lay down the law once they were adults in order for them to be good house guests. Sick flex on the beach house, though.

I don’t want help, I want to be left alone. If I’m being the scullery maid, leave me alone to it. No, I don’t want to “sit and chat”, I want to escape to the kitchen.

I always let my house guests know that the first evening they are guests and I don’t expect them to help. I tell them that after the first night, I consider them family and happily accept help. Most do take the hint and pitch in, some more helpfully than others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YES! I love hosting big dinners and never clean them up. Guests do it.

I should say I plan, cook, serve...but don't clean.

Why don’t you help clean too? That’s so strange to me. I would rather the host didn’t have me over if I was expected to do the cleaning while they sit around

You expect to be served a fully holiday meal while contributing nothing? In my family and close friend groups, we help.

No I help the host so that’s why I would be turned off if he/she did nothing to help cleanup. If it’s too much for you, then don’t invite people over to your home for a meal

Um, good guests don’t help because “it’s too much for the host,” they help because being entertained in someone’s home is different from dining in a restaurant, and staying under a friend’s roof is different from staying in a hotel. I’ve been the guest of a university president, just the family, and I helped clear the table, and also helped to bring in coffee. I’m surprised that anyone would think sitting around like a bump on a log is the norm. I’m so embarrassed for you.

Sorry you misunderstood what I was trying to say. I don’t help because it’s too much for the host, I help to be courteous and a good friend/ guest. I would be really annoyed though if the host just sat around like a ‘bump on a log’ as that PP is doing, thinking she doesn’t have to lift a finger to help clean up since she did the cooking and grocery shopping herself

If it’s too much for her (or him) to handle contributing to cleaning up after her own party, then perhaps she shouldn’t have a party in the first place.

Get it, now?

If we’re talking a holiday meal like Thanksgiving, I cannot imagine not insisting that my parents, my aunt/uncle, or DH’s sister and her husband totally relax after dinner while DH and I helped, along with siblings/cousins/kids old enough to help, whomever was around. Of course the PP sits at ease after cooking, cleaning, shopping, preparing and serving a full holiday meal. In my family, anyone who has the primary duty of host of course takes a break while the rest of us clean. Many hands make light work, and it goes fast. And yes, we all rotate hosting. I can’t imagine being a guest at a Thanksgiving meal and being OK with the host cleaning unless they actively insisted on doing so/preferred doing so.

DP here. As a host, I prefer doing the prep, cooking and cleaning in one feel swoop, and relazing when it is not my time to host. Then, it makes sense to rotate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in a note when you visit. No way am no I cleaning someone else’s guest room.

That's funny. I have a large vacation home where my kids come to stay often. If they visit when I am there, I spend hours cleaning and childproofing for grandkids, I do all of the laundry for towels, bedding, etc. I do all of the grocery shopping, cooking or pay for all meals. I finally got frustrated that they treated me and my house like a free hotel. I ask them to make the beds with clean sheets before they leave, to empty their trash and to hang up their towels to dry. If staying in a hotel is preferable, knock yourself out.

The moral of the story is that family members should communicate.

In our vacation house, if you use it for free, you clean it. I am not subsidizing your free vacation any more than a (really nice) place to stay. I am not paying the cleaners to pick up after you. Be grateful, and do your part, don't be rude or lazy, or you won't be asked back. Bring your own linens, because I am not paying for your linen service. Do your own laundry, follow house rules, and take your stuff with you when you leave. Not a lot to ask for a free vacation.

Rentals are completely different, because the cleaning is built in to the weekly rental fee, so do whatever you want.

Yes, family members should communicate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YES! I love hosting big dinners and never clean them up. Guests do it.

I should say I plan, cook, serve...but don't clean.

Why don’t you help clean too? That’s so strange to me. I would rather the host didn’t have me over if I was expected to do the cleaning while they sit around

You expect to be served a fully holiday meal while contributing nothing? In my family and close friend groups, we help.

No I help the host so that’s why I would be turned off if he/she did nothing to help cleanup. If it’s too much for you, then don’t invite people over to your home for a meal

Um, good guests don’t help because “it’s too much for the host,” they help because being entertained in someone’s home is different from dining in a restaurant, and staying under a friend’s roof is different from staying in a hotel. I’ve been the guest of a university president, just the family, and I helped clear the table, and also helped to bring in coffee. I’m surprised that anyone would think sitting around like a bump on a log is the norm. I’m so embarrassed for you.

Sorry you misunderstood what I was trying to say. I don’t help because it’s too much for the host, I help to be courteous and a good friend/ guest. I would be really annoyed though if the host just sat around like a ‘bump on a log’ as that PP is doing, thinking she doesn’t have to lift a finger to help clean up since she did the cooking and grocery shopping herself

If it’s too much for her (or him) to handle contributing to cleaning up after her own party, then perhaps she shouldn’t have a party in the first place.

Get it, now?

If we’re talking a holiday meal like Thanksgiving, I cannot imagine not insisting that my parents, my aunt/uncle, or DH’s sister and her husband totally relax after dinner while DH and I helped, along with siblings/cousins/kids old enough to help, whomever was around. Of course the PP sits at ease after cooking, cleaning, shopping, preparing and serving a full holiday meal. In my family, anyone who has the primary duty of host of course takes a break while the rest of us clean. Many hands make light work, and it goes fast. And yes, we all rotate hosting. I can’t imagine being a guest at a Thanksgiving meal and being OK with the host cleaning unless they actively insisted on doing so/preferred doing so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in a note when you visit. No way am no I cleaning someone else’s guest room.

That's funny. I have a large vacation home where my kids come to stay often. If they visit when I am there, I spend hours cleaning and childproofing for grandkids, I do all of the laundry for towels, bedding, etc. I do all of the grocery shopping, cooking or pay for all meals. I finally got frustrated that they treated me and my house like a free hotel. I ask them to make the beds with clean sheets before they leave, to empty their trash and to hang up their towels to dry. If staying in a hotel is preferable, knock yourself out.

The moral of the story is that family members should communicate.

A beach house is different than someone visiting their parents’ home in rural Pennsylvania whatever for the holidays, and you know it. Don’t act cute. We get it, you needed us to know you have a beach house.

DP. Wut? I empathize with pp and it has nothing to do with a beach house. When I was married, XSIL and XBIL used to show up for major holidays and announce they believe guests should never have to do anything like cooking or cleaning. Oh, and great news, they have a week off to stay with us, and can they bring their puppy.

There went our entire vacation. XDH and I both worked full time, and this killed us. Until I made XDH tell them to shorten their stays to 3 days.

They probably pegged you as a future ex and moved accordingly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YES! I love hosting big dinners and never clean them up. Guests do it.

I should say I plan, cook, serve...but don't clean.

Why don’t you help clean too? That’s so strange to me. I would rather the host didn’t have me over if I was expected to do the cleaning while they sit around

You expect to be served a fully holiday meal while contributing nothing? In my family and close friend groups, we help.

No I help the host so that’s why I would be turned off if he/she did nothing to help cleanup. If it’s too much for you, then don’t invite people over to your home for a meal

Um, good guests don’t help because “it’s too much for the host,” they help because being entertained in someone’s home is different from dining in a restaurant, and staying under a friend’s roof is different from staying in a hotel. I’ve been the guest of a university president, just the family, and I helped clear the table, and also helped to bring in coffee. I’m surprised that anyone would think sitting around like a bump on a log is the norm. I’m so embarrassed for you.

Sorry you misunderstood what I was trying to say. I don’t help because it’s too much for the host, I help to be courteous and a good friend/ guest. I would be really annoyed though if the host just sat around like a ‘bump on a log’ as that PP is doing, thinking she doesn’t have to lift a finger to help clean up since she did the cooking and grocery shopping herself

If it’s too much for her (or him) to handle contributing to cleaning up after her own party, then perhaps she shouldn’t have a party in the first place.

Get it, now?

My parameters are this: guests stay over no more than (3) days, max, same when we stay with someone (ie: not a hotel).

Guests are guests when they are at my house - no work requested from them, and we provide a clean place to stay, always. We have stayed in some truly spacious homes, and it is obvious that the guests quarters (yup) were not tended to - sheets had not been changed, bathroom had not been cleaned - kind of gross, and unfortunately, memorable.

For holiday dinners, if we host, we do not have the guests clean up, maybe help us serve, but that is all. No one knows where we keep anything, and that is just awkward. People do help clear the table, but that is it. We do clean up when we are hosted, regardless of who (family or high profile individual) is hosting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in a note when you visit. No way am no I cleaning someone else’s guest room.

That's funny. I have a large vacation home where my kids come to stay often. If they visit when I am there, I spend hours cleaning and childproofing for grandkids, I do all of the laundry for towels, bedding, etc. I do all of the grocery shopping, cooking or pay for all meals. I finally got frustrated that they treated me and my house like a free hotel. I ask them to make the beds with clean sheets before they leave, to empty their trash and to hang up their towels to dry. If staying in a hotel is preferable, knock yourself out.

The moral of the story is that family members should communicate.

A beach house is different than someone visiting their parents’ home in rural Pennsylvania whatever for the holidays, and you know it. Don’t act cute. We get it, you needed us to know you have a beach house.

DP. Wut? I empathize with pp and it has nothing to do with a beach house. When I was married, XSIL and XBIL used to show up for major holidays and announce they believe guests should never have to do anything like cooking or cleaning. Oh, and great news, they have a week off to stay with us, and can they bring their puppy.

There went our entire vacation. XDH and I both worked full time, and this killed us. Until I made XDH tell them to shorten their stays to 3 days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay in a note when you visit. No way am no I cleaning someone else’s guest room.

That's funny. I have a large vacation home where my kids come to stay often. If they visit when I am there, I spend hours cleaning and childproofing for grandkids, I do all of the laundry for towels, bedding, etc. I do all of the grocery shopping, cooking or pay for all meals. I finally got frustrated that they treated me and my house like a free hotel. I ask them to make the beds with clean sheets before they leave, to empty their trash and to hang up their towels to dry. If staying in a hotel is preferable, knock yourself out.

The moral of the story is that family members should communicate.

A beach house is different than someone visiting their parents’ home in rural Pennsylvania whatever for the holidays, and you know it. Don’t act cute. We get it, you needed us to know you have a beach house.

Anonymous wrote:Stay in a note when you visit. No way am no I cleaning someone else’s guest room.

That's funny. I have a large vacation home where my kids come to stay often. If they visit when I am there, I spend hours cleaning and childproofing for grandkids, I do all of the laundry for towels, bedding, etc. I do all of the grocery shopping, cooking or pay for all meals. I finally got frustrated that they treated me and my house like a free hotel. I ask them to make the beds with clean sheets before they leave, to empty their trash and to hang up their towels to dry. If staying in a hotel is preferable, knock yourself out.

The moral of the story is that family members should communicate.

Op, make sure the expectations you speak of are accurate.