What a bizarre post, it's early November and this has not been on my radar AT ALL. My kids are new to their school and they have friends and are happy, and their teachers say they're thriving both academically and socially, so why on earth would I even be thinking about whose birthday party they've been invited or not invited to this year?

Anonymous wrote:Why is there so much angst on this board about birthday parties and playdates? So much social comparison going on, and for what? So you can feel bad? I guarantee your child isn’t worrying about this. So much insecurity among the parents on this board.

I agree. This is all coming from the parents. Last year, my daughter was one of two girls in her class that wasn't invited to another girl's party. Her two best friends were invited, and she happened to be looking at my phone as I scrolled through instagram and saw the girl's mom's post with the picture of all the kids, so she knew about it and she knew she was the only one in her friend group not invited. I asked her if she was okay with it and she said "well, I'm not really friends with her anyway, so it makes sense that she wouldn't invite me" and was done with it. It rolled right off her back. Another mom might have freaked out and been like "Oh no, I can't believe she didn't invite you? Who do you think she is? Blah blah" and invited her child to feel anxious about it, but I just let it go because I didn't want to make big deal out of it.

We don't have a class directory yet either. Our school doesn't even do a school directory. It has a reputation for being very cliquey and now I know why.

I send in cupcakes for my kids’ birthdays at school, and we don’t have birthday parties (we just celebrate as a family). So I don’t think there’s necessarily a correlation between a birthday being celebrated at school, and a weekend birthday party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there so much angst on this board about birthday parties and playdates? So much social comparison going on, and for what? So you can feel bad? I guarantee your child isn’t worrying about this. So much insecurity among the parents on this board.

I do think sometimes the kids are worrying about it, but I still agree with you. I actually think the less you worry about it as a parent, and just show your kid that you love them and support them regardless of their level of popularity, and that you have confidence in them whether they get invited to a bunch of parties or not, is MUCH more important for their social development.

I hope my kid has lots of great friends in their life. But I also hope that in the future, when they are not invited to something, they have the confidence to think "oh well, their loss" and not to become stressed out over it.

+100

Anonymous wrote:1st grade is when we started having smaller parties for our kids (who are now 12 and 14). 3-4 friends for a sleepover or to the movies and out for pizza afterwards, etc.

This is much more common starting in 3rd or 4th grade.

Agree with other posters that it’s likely other parents don’t have your contact information.

If you school doesn’t do a student/parent directory you could try:
1. Starting a WhatsApp group for the class - ask the teacher to forward information/invite to join to the class
2. Inviting kids to play dates as others have suggested
3. Organize a class play date at a playground (again ask teacher to forward). That way at least people would have your contact info.

My DCs have early school year birthdays. For the past several years I’ve used the school directory and various school/aftercare WhatsApp groups to get contact info for the invites. If someone’s contact info wasn’t I one of those sources - unfortunately that kid didn’t get invited.

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised, are all-class parties really over already after one year? I also have a first grader and it seemed like last year almost half the class had an all class party. This year I think he has been to 2 parties, but I know there were more birthdays than that.

I have a current first grader and two older kids. I can’t think of any all class parties for my older kids in elementary. I did mostly all boys in class plus others. I didn’t keep track if the parties they got invited to were all boys or just friends but it wasn’t all class. My boys had no girl friends in all of elementary. The only girl party we got invited to was from the mom I was friends with.

This year, we have already been invited to several all class parties but last year there was only one all class party.

Anonymous wrote:It's November 1st. Kids have been in school for 2.5 months. Calm the f* down. Start hosting playdates. Join sports teams. Get to know other families. Geez!!!

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can ask for a class list. That is silly.

Privacy issues.

God, this is so different from when I was growing up. I had a directory of every student at my entire elementary school, with their address and phone number.

My 1st grader is pretty shy, and I'm not particularly social with the other parents either. He's been invited to 3 parties, 2 were all class. I'm sure he has been left out of others. Those 3 were his friends from last year. I'm actually planning his December party now, and it's tough to do all class or even all boys...the venue is limited, I have a budget, and in our grade, people bring siblings even if you ask them not to. I am going to prioritize his friends, people he's had playdates with (at our place or theirs), and reciprocate bday invites.

It's November 1st. Kids have been in school for 2.5 months. Calm the f* down. Start hosting playdates. Join sports teams. Get to know other families. Geez!!!

Anonymous wrote:Why is there so much angst on this board about birthday parties and playdates? So much social comparison going on, and for what? So you can feel bad? I guarantee your child isn’t worrying about this. So much insecurity among the parents on this board.

I do think sometimes the kids are worrying about it, but I still agree with you. I actually think the less you worry about it as a parent, and just show your kid that you love them and support them regardless of their level of popularity, and that you have confidence in them whether they get invited to a bunch of parties or not, is MUCH more important for their social development.

I hope my kid has lots of great friends in their life. But I also hope that in the future, when they are not invited to something, they have the confidence to think "oh well, their loss" and not to become stressed out over it.

My oldest (boy) is in 3rd grade. So far this year there has been one all-class party. Girls are having girl-only parties at this age and some kids only invite their good friends or even family-only if they have a lot of cousins. I'm not worried because I volunteer often at school and I can see that my kid is happy and well-liked.
One mom blew me off for a playdate but my kid told me the other kid was grounded for having bad grades and I guess the mom didn't want to tell me that.
At conferences be sure to ask the teacher about your kid's friendships and if he/she seems lonely what kid might make a good friend.