Anonymous
Post 11/06/2023 06:40     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Wow this is the most cringe worthy post I may have ever read. I cannot believe OP even wrote this. What a long post with an unexpected ending.

It would leave such a bad taste in my mouth to get this for a suggestion at a funeral. Wow.

In my culture, people give cash to help pay for the funeral.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2023 09:40     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You won't get enough money to make it worthwhile


THIS. OP, I am so sorry about your mother and the financial situation you’ve all had to endure the last few years. That being said, I say this next part kindly, please under no circumstances as for donations for your children’s college fund in lieu of donations.

Typically the donations are in lieu of flowers. Most people will not give donations, and those that do it will be like $50 here or there. Maybe you will get a few hundred, total (if that). It will not be a substantial amount of money for anything. Please do not, even in your grief, do this.


This. -PP who suggested saying nothing about flowers or charity in the obit
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2023 09:35     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:You have to pick a charity. It's basically in lieu of flowers -- a dead tradition.


Simple. You just don’t say anything about flowers or charity in the obit. That’s it. Some people may leave cards, some may put money in them. Some may leave flowers.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 18:48     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Op- based on the responses here, I would say don’t do it. BUT I see no difference between charity and what you suggest. Nor do I see any difference between a go fund me for medical or funeral expenses. I am not quite American or European as I am the first gen born here. I would ask for flowers and if you want to send out a go fund me for college in your mothers name in 6 months telling the story to relatives/friends, why not?

I mean what is health insurance except a huge go fund me that isn’t popularity based?

Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 16:46     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:What do people have against flowers? I love flowers and don't think of them as wasteful. In Europe they aren't. I dislike charities exploiting old people with their constant cable TV ads and then benefiting from tgeur death. Put nothing about $$ or donations or flowers. It's not a law.


Post your address so people can direct mourners to send you flowers they don't want.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 16:18     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
In my culture we don't send flowers. We either plant trees in memory of the loved one or send food to the grieving family.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 14:54     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:OP has her answer. You hags can stop piling on now with your smug, superior judgments. K?


Where do you get smug from? I actually didn’t answer because I couldn’t find the right tone but feel people have been very nice about it and tried to explain why it is a no. Maybe with all the grief op just didn’t see it as clear as others.

Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 11:21     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
OP has her answer. You hags can stop piling on now with your smug, superior judgments. K?
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 09:06     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What do people have against flowers? I love flowers and don't think of them as wasteful. In Europe they aren't. I dislike charities exploiting old people with their constant cable TV ads and then benefiting from tgeur death. Put nothing about $$ or donations or flowers. It's not a law.


I was the first poster to express surprise at this charity push, and I am European as well. Maybe there is a cultural difference here. No funeral I have ever attended or been associated with ever requested donations to charity in lieu of flowers. Flowers are thought of as a good thing, to beautify the event, and it would be shocking to tell people what to do with their money. A lot of people would find that rude.

Interesting difference.

This has been going on for decades in the US. Very, very common, and not considered rude.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 08:41     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:What do people have against flowers? I love flowers and don't think of them as wasteful. In Europe they aren't. I dislike charities exploiting old people with their constant cable TV ads and then benefiting from tgeur death. Put nothing about $$ or donations or flowers. It's not a law.


I was the first poster to express surprise at this charity push, and I am European as well. Maybe there is a cultural difference here. No funeral I have ever attended or been associated with ever requested donations to charity in lieu of flowers. Flowers are thought of as a good thing, to beautify the event, and it would be shocking to tell people what to do with their money. A lot of people would find that rude.

Interesting difference.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 08:34     Subject: Re:Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, no, no, no - don't do this.

The only time I have seen this was a family where the dad died in a freak accident. He was the bread winner, mom worked a very part time job and volunteered a lot at church and in the community. Their two kids were upper elementary. The obit asked for contributions to a scholarship fund for the kids. Don't think they got a lot -- the mom downsized to a much smaller house shortly after and got a full time job.


I have seen this quite a bit. And it’s fine. This is parents dying while their kids are still young. There was a DUI that killed a dad recently in my city and there was a lot of support. It was horrific.

Op’s situation is a grandma dying and not leaving enough money for college. A lot of people do not receive any inheritance at all.


+1. I’m so sorry about your mom. Many people would like to leave an inheritance for their grandchildren or children but cannot for reasons similar to your mom. Unless your mom had young kids who would need immediate support like the pp’s mentioned, you should only ask for donations to a charity. It doesn’t matter if she wasn’t affiliated with a charity. You can request donations to a cause that is important to your family or to a charity that supports the illness your mom has.

In any event, this is a rare consensus. Sorry again.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 08:29     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
Anonymous wrote:What do people have against flowers? I love flowers and don't think of them as wasteful. In Europe they aren't. I dislike charities exploiting old people with their constant cable TV ads and then benefiting from tgeur death. Put nothing about $$ or donations or flowers. It's not a law.

Often, the deceased has a charity that they support and request it. Otherwise, the family doesn't want twenty bouquets of funereal flowers that will die and they'll have to dispose of, and they find it more meaningful to direct that impulse to a charity that the deceased cared about or that relates to the cause of death (American Cancer Society, for example). Flowers are beautiful. They are also work for the family.
Anonymous
Post 11/03/2023 08:20     Subject: Charity vs grandchild
What do people have against flowers? I love flowers and don't think of them as wasteful. In Europe they aren't. I dislike charities exploiting old people with their constant cable TV ads and then benefiting from tgeur death. Put nothing about $$ or donations or flowers. It's not a law.