Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 13:29     Subject: Re:Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:My sister! Her husband and son died in a car crash in 2017. She was left with my 22 month old niece. For about a year she tried to make it work in her/our hometown but she realized she would never get out from under the story. Our family is large and the accident had some criminal charges with another well known family and just anywhere she went or did the story followed her. She decided before putting my niece in preschool she was gonna completely start over. So she moved to a random city (literally just picked a medium size city 4 states over) and changed her last name and distanced herself from all of us for about 3 years. (We still communicated and saw eachother for Xmas but it was drastic as we all use to see eachother a few times a week). For her it was the only way she could make it. She needed to grieve in peace and just had to completely change everything about herself. She changed her hair, her personal style, everything. It was almost like that version of her died and she buried her and ran. It’s odd now because her new husband and youngest daughter know almost nothing about “her old life”. Even her oldest daughter, it’s more like a story she knows vs something she remembers. It’s hard for my mom and other siblings but we know it was the only way. For a long time we couldn’t really even visit her much. She would say “the black cloud follows you all and I am trying to breath.” It was incredibly difficult for everyone.


My relative did the same after her husband died when her DC was a newborn. She could not get away from the tragic story. So she moved across the country, remarried and became a completely new person, new career, husband, friends, goals, everything.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 13:23     Subject: Re:Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I want to do this, but take my DH and kid with me. I just want to start over somewhere new. I hate where I live and the people I live around, and I think the stress of being here is literally making me sick.

+1
Me too! Except I don't hate the people, just hate the familiarity and I want a little anonymity. I know being here is bad for me but I have to stick it out for a while. I also am not sure where a good place to go would be.


Everyone, the answer is NYC! I will be returning, it's where I came from. You will absolutely love it. We can all be friends!

Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 12:37     Subject: Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I did. People say you can’t run away from yourself, but you can. I was 29, living in Chicago struggling to make it in the arts and profoundly depressed. I didn’t like the people around me and didn’t like myself. I applied to Tulane Law on a whim because I’d been obsessed with New Orleans for years after reading Ann Rice novels. I thought if I moved there for something “respectable” like law school people wouldn’t think I was crazy. I randomly ended up loving law school and Mew Orleans and life changed drastically and totally improved.


Ha! I also went to Tulane Law and it totally changed my life too but it was more the city (New Orleans) than the school. Living there changes you forever and nothing ever compares. It's by no means a perfect city but you fall in love with the place.


+1


So that makes 3 of us? Love it. As the folks in my class say ... the cult of Tulane Law is strong.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 12:30     Subject: Re:Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My work colleague did - requested a transfer to a new office my firm was opening in Chicago. To make this happen she divorced her abusive husband and left her three troubled teenage sons on the East Coast. Moved to Chicago with only her clothes and a bed in her early 40s - a few years later she met and married the love of her life, and almost 30 years later, they are still married and very much in love.


Those poor children.


Flipside is that she could have stayed and there was no change in outcome for the sons. Sometimes things are so bad there is nothing you can do to fix it.



You take your kids with you. You don't leave them with an abusive husband.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 12:29     Subject: Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I did. People say you can’t run away from yourself, but you can. I was 29, living in Chicago struggling to make it in the arts and profoundly depressed. I didn’t like the people around me and didn’t like myself. I applied to Tulane Law on a whim because I’d been obsessed with New Orleans for years after reading Ann Rice novels. I thought if I moved there for something “respectable” like law school people wouldn’t think I was crazy. I randomly ended up loving law school and Mew Orleans and life changed drastically and totally improved.


Ha! I also went to Tulane Law and it totally changed my life too but it was more the city (New Orleans) than the school. Living there changes you forever and nothing ever compares. It's by no means a perfect city but you fall in love with the place.


+1
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 12:29     Subject: Re:Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My work colleague did - requested a transfer to a new office my firm was opening in Chicago. To make this happen she divorced her abusive husband and left her three troubled teenage sons on the East Coast. Moved to Chicago with only her clothes and a bed in her early 40s - a few years later she met and married the love of her life, and almost 30 years later, they are still married and very much in love.


Those poor children.


Flipside is that she could have stayed and there was no change in outcome for the sons. Sometimes things are so bad there is nothing you can do to fix it.

Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 12:19     Subject: Re:Has anyone started a completely new life?
My uncle did this, in the ... 60's, I think. His mother was very abusive and violent and he just ... ran away from home. His brother joined the army to get away. The one who ran away was completely no contact for years. The family even hired a private investigator to try to find him, to no avail. It was much easier to stay hidden in the 60's and 70's.

After over a decade, the uncle resurfaced. At that point his mother had died (coincidence? I think not), and he'd moved to California, married someone non-Jewish, and had two kids and a job and gone to college, etc. To this day he lives in CA, but is back to being very close with his brother - the couples go on cruises and other vacations together and stuff, and the cousins are close.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 12:00     Subject: Re:Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My work colleague did - requested a transfer to a new office my firm was opening in Chicago. To make this happen she divorced her abusive husband and left her three troubled teenage sons on the East Coast. Moved to Chicago with only her clothes and a bed in her early 40s - a few years later she met and married the love of her life, and almost 30 years later, they are still married and very much in love.
That makes me sad.


+ 1 million. I can't imagine doing that to my kids.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 11:56     Subject: Re:Has anyone started a completely new life?

I did it temporarily. The New Orleans posts earlier in this thread have really vividly brought up memories of that period, because I went on a one-month business trip to New Orleans and didn't leave for nearly six months after meeting someone with whom I basically was an entirely new person. I'm not saying I was a better person or a happier one, but definitely a different person with different priorities from the one who arrived there. Not all "starting a completely new life" stories are about someone intentionally running away to become their best self and fulfill a planned dream; sometimes it's a matter of letting someone or something hijack you. I don't regret the life and career detour because the experience was intense and unique, and it caused me to reboot a lot about myself when I returned to my "old life." But thinking about it today after seeing this thread, I can only say, be careful what you wish for.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 11:42     Subject: Has anyone started a completely new life?
I fantasize about moving away from the US. But my elderly parents are here and we have a very close relationship and they are very close to my kids. I can never imagine leaving them, but I really detest the way life in the US is going...
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 07:54     Subject: Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:My exDH did this. Went completely awol, ditched all old longtime friends and family, hung with younger crowd, started dressing completely different, flying around the world to music festivals, partying, out every night etc. almost no contact with me or kids.


Is his name Robert?

Because we know a guy named Robert who seemingly has a midlife crisis very early: reverted to teenage behavior, transferred to another office location far from his wife and young children, and lives a completely different life with no responsibility.

So weird.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 00:20     Subject: Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:My exDH did this. Went completely awol, ditched all old longtime friends and family, hung with younger crowd, started dressing completely different, flying around the world to music festivals, partying, out every night etc. almost no contact with me or kids.


Mackenzie Bezos?
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2023 00:08     Subject: Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:I did. People say you can’t run away from yourself, but you can. I was 29, living in Chicago struggling to make it in the arts and profoundly depressed. I didn’t like the people around me and didn’t like myself. I applied to Tulane Law on a whim because I’d been obsessed with New Orleans for years after reading Ann Rice novels. I thought if I moved there for something “respectable” like law school people wouldn’t think I was crazy. I randomly ended up loving law school and Mew Orleans and life changed drastically and totally improved.


Ha! I also went to Tulane Law and it totally changed my life too but it was more the city (New Orleans) than the school. Living there changes you forever and nothing ever compares. It's by no means a perfect city but you fall in love with the place.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2023 23:20     Subject: Has anyone started a completely new life?
I’m gonna do it soon. I’m still trying to decide where to go. I will work in retail or admin and try to have a simple life. I don’t want much. Just enough to survive. I don’t really have friends or family so I’m really starting from scratch. Leaving an abusive spouse, kids are launched for the most part. I’m broke but I’m healthy and gonna try and stay healthy and stress free as best I can.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2023 23:08     Subject: Re:Has anyone started a completely new life?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I want to do this, but take my DH and kid with me. I just want to start over somewhere new. I hate where I live and the people I live around, and I think the stress of being here is literally making me sick.

+1
Me too! Except I don't hate the people, just hate the familiarity and I want a little anonymity. I know being here is bad for me but I have to stick it out for a while. I also am not sure where a good place to go would be.


PP here. I wish we could hang out and commiserate. I actually think a lot of the people around me are miserable but if you express any negativity about this place, people freak out and get very defensive, so I've learned to pretend I like it. But that defensiveness indicates to me that a lot of people are secretly quite unhappy and just don't want to admit it out loud.

I have a place picked out though. I've come up with a few ideas, but recently settled on one that feels really right. I've started looking at real estate there and recently my DH and I set a savings target so that when we are finally free to move, we should have enough between savings and proceeds from sale of our home here to buy in cash or with a very small mortgage. That will give us a lot of freedom in terms of how we set up our life.

Now I'm trying to figure out a way for us to do a couple trips there in the next year, then hopefully increase frequency of visits until we finally move. Hoping to acclimate DC to it there as much as we can, maybe even get some friendships going, so it's not an abrupt move.

Also just hoping that working toward this goal will help the time stuck here go faster. It won't be a sudden move with a brand new life, but it will hopefully get the momentum moving in that direction.