Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 10:16     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.


I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.


We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.


You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..


I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?


I am the pp who said my kid could get into the same non ivy college from public school. I do not plan to send my kids to public university. The poster after me wanted public university. I was saying that I don’t think my child’s college acceptances would necessarily be better from private.

DH and I both went to public high schools, T25 colleges and ivy grad schools. Fortunately we can easily afford to full pay private for elementary, high school, college and grad school. Our kids are very different with different personalities and needs.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 10:13     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:We can just barely afford private school for our children, and it's worth every penny and every sacrifice.

You obviously have no idea of how horrid our public schools have become.


As long as you are not part of the group that complains about the cost. I don't know why anyone thinks I am an empathetic ear to those complaints.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 10:02     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
We can just barely afford private school for our children, and it's worth every penny and every sacrifice.

You obviously have no idea of how horrid our public schools have become.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 09:58     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We like the luxury of private. We prioritize it over a big house, cars etc. We like our kid more than we like material things.

This describes our exact mindset too.


Nice! I bet it describes a lot of people in DC who may be afraid to say it.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 09:57     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I often wonder if the people who are extremely strong public school advocates have any experience with privates. ...even if they SAY they've tried it their answers are often unbalanced and they seem very black and white. I mean, I can SAY anything on an anonymous forum; doesn't mean its true.


You can choose to discredit all opinions that are not your own, PP. Many people do this. I don't think it's the way to go, personally, and when I read opposing viewpoints on this thread, I believe the posters are sincere and genuine.

I happen to have a lot of experience with privates, and I'm happy that my kids will graduate from public schools.


I listen to balanced view points. Extreme view points tell me that the person has an axe to grind. I suppose I'm very balanced in this and prefer to listen to people who are more in the middle, like me. They don't have to have the same view as me and often see things that I might not. Extreme views from both sides, not so much.


I don't really see extreme viewpoints on here, though. I think we'll all normal people who speak from our own experience and environment.

When you say "balanced viewpoint", you've got to ask yourself what that means for you. Content or delivery? When I read a post that uses a forceful choice of words, it doesn't necessarily mean that poster is imbalanced and trollish. It means maybe they're having a bad day, or are tired of rehashing the same argument. In reality their views might not be too far away from your own.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 09:40     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.


I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.


We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.


You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..


I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?


You are missing why we chose private in the first place - for very young developing children - the nurturing environment. When they leave in 12th grade, they are adults. They define themselves and need less parental intervention, nurturing, etc. We worked with the school to get them to this point. Public schools work to provide the education not develop a child. Large public universities are also providing an education - for adults. I'm sending them as adults and they are ready for the large class sizes, work load, distractions, etc.

I do believe public schools plus parenting could produce the same result. (I came from public school). I also believe that for me it's easier to parent with a robust community and the school was part of that.


Why can’t they handle the Ivy stress as adults by your measure?

Why put them in a high stress “Ivy-like” environment as children?
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 09:23     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:We like the luxury of private. We prioritize it over a big house, cars etc. We like our kid more than we like material things.

This describes our exact mindset too.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 09:21     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.


I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.


We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.


You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..


I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?


You are missing why we chose private in the first place - for very young developing children - the nurturing environment. When they leave in 12th grade, they are adults. They define themselves and need less parental intervention, nurturing, etc. We worked with the school to get them to this point. Public schools work to provide the education not develop a child. Large public universities are also providing an education - for adults. I'm sending them as adults and they are ready for the large class sizes, work load, distractions, etc.

I do believe public schools plus parenting could produce the same result. (I came from public school). I also believe that for me it's easier to parent with a robust community and the school was part of that.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 09:14     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.


I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.


We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.


You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..


I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?


Yeah PP is delusional. You need to have much stronger executive function and drive to do well at a massive state school.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 09:08     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.


I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.


We have a seven figure income and can afford private. We just switched one kid to private and there are definite positives but I am not sure if it is worth the extra commute and all the complaining from my son about wearing a tie everyday. Tuition is a non factor for us.

We live in a well regarded public. I don’t think private would give my kid a college admissions boost. He isn’t ivy material and he should be able to get into the same colleges from public.


You are unusually self-aware for this forum! I have 3 in private. They are all straight A students and I actively discourage ivy schools for them. They can achieve their goals with a solid public state school. I think the pressure in the Ivies will do more harm than good for them. They are naturally tightly wound and a bit anxious. I'm definitely in the minority at Big 3..


I find this attitude puzzling. Large state schools have many of the same issues as the public schools you avoided. Massive class sizes, taught mainly by adjuncts, etc. Also, your private HS has many of the problems you are trying to avoid at an Ivy such as all the pressure and stress.

I mean…what am I missing here?
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 09:06     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.


I agree with this. The unspoken truth is that a lot of kids in these schools have private tutors to get an edge, have legacy to depend on for college admissions, etc. It's only worth it for truly wealthy families and scholarship kids who go on a full ride.

My personal advice for upper-middle class families that struggle for the tuition, is just to send your kid to public and pay for tutors in every subject. It will be much cheaper per year, and your kid will likely learn more from 1-on-1 tutoring vs private School. Bloom's two-sigma study shows that 1-on-1 tutoring is extremely effective.

Instead of paying $50k in tuition, you could spend half of that for an elite college admissions private consultant. They would make your kid 10x better applicant than anyone coming from a public school, and give you the inside track to a top college.


When you look at private like this you are missing why so many people actually choose private. It's not always about getting into the best college. It's about providing the best environment for your child. Not all children will do well in large public school classrooms. Not everyone can afford to buy a house in a top school district.


I just posted that we switched our kid from public to private. Our child has told us that there are some good teachers but others that are worse than the public school. As a parent, I love how included we are and all the information we receive from the school. We have already had multiple conferences, parent day, parent coffees, lunches, receptions, etc.

Our public had many extremely smart students. I’m not sure the private kids are stronger students. I do like the smaller class sizes and personalized attention.


This is what makes private worth it. Public schools have a ton of priorities, and you and your DC are not one.


Bingo!
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 09:06     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:

There are far more middle class students at these expensive privates than there are genuinely low-income students on full aid, and middle class families DO move to get into better publics.

So we ARE talking about families with decent publics who choose to significantly dent their lifestyle and/or savings for privates. I know multiple families like this: the common denominator for all these parents is that "grass is always greener", and they crystallize all the little disappointments they feel about their kids' development and school experience into this idea that if only they go to X School, everything will be fixed. And then everything doesn't get fixed, but they rationalize their choice to themselves and convince themselves that it would never have worked at the previous school. We all do this when making important choices, BTW, this is not a criticism! It's an observation.

I live in a nice area close to DC where families are evenly split on public vs private attendance. The public schools are great. Two things I've noticed:
1. Kids with ADHD (and other not-too-severe issues) are often placed in private settings before parents realize that the public wasn't the problem, it was their kid who needed a neuropsychological evaluation and treatment. My kid with high-functioning autism was evaluated, given services and stayed in public.
2. Movement to private during virtual learning in public. For older teens, it made sense to pluck struggling ones out of public and let them finish their high school education in private. But parents with younger kids who did this are now in it for years of tuition payments, to fix a very temporary problem.

I'm a product of private schools (never went to public), and when I lived abroad, I placed my kids in international private schools. I'm not an enemy of privates, not at all! But I want to build generational wealth, and it's disconcerting to see friends and acquaintances spend their hard-earned money on privates, when their kids would do just as well in their decent neighborhood public, and they could invest their dollars to hoist themselves out of the middle class.




It's 'disconcerting' that other people have different priorities than you. That sounds very insecure. You realize they are marching toward a different goal and that's ok. Does it make you question your decision to value money over education?

Money is easily lost; an education not so much.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 08:59     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:Mind your own business.


Agree! We like the luxury of private. We prioritize it over a big house, cars etc. We like our kid more than we like material things.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 08:54     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I often wonder if the people who are extremely strong public school advocates have any experience with privates. ...even if they SAY they've tried it their answers are often unbalanced and they seem very black and white. I mean, I can SAY anything on an anonymous forum; doesn't mean its true.


You can choose to discredit all opinions that are not your own, PP. Many people do this. I don't think it's the way to go, personally, and when I read opposing viewpoints on this thread, I believe the posters are sincere and genuine.

I happen to have a lot of experience with privates, and I'm happy that my kids will graduate from public schools.


I listen to balanced view points. Extreme view points tell me that the person has an axe to grind. I suppose I'm very balanced in this and prefer to listen to people who are more in the middle, like me. They don't have to have the same view as me and often see things that I might not. Extreme views from both sides, not so much.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2023 08:48     Subject: People who can barely afford private should skip it.
Anonymous wrote:There is SO much teeth-gnashing on this board about if it’s “worth it.” It’s honestly only worth it if it isn’t a major sacrifice for you. If you’re entering the application process already stressed about what you’re going to get for the money, and especially if what you want to “get” is anything more than a solid education for your child, you’re going to end up disappointed.


Honestly, I kind of agree with this. Our private is only $15k (and we only have one kid), and we can pay that without a breaking a sweat. It's not the best school in the world (though the best in our county), and so that low tuition allows us to afford enrichments the school doesn't provide. If it was $50k a year...we might make different decisions.