Anonymous wrote:Kids with hyphenated names in our kid’s class are referred to with initials. Like:
Toby G-D
Mary M-F
Luke B-S

it’s unfortunate sometimes

Weird.

My kids have hyphenated names (so do I) and this never happens.

Maybe it helps if the two last names aren’t very long.

Anonymous wrote:I use my maiden name and my married name. The only time it has been an “issue” is at our school where they list me differently under the alphabetical listings because they go by maiden name because it’s first, so I’m not actually listed with the rest of my family. For the most part I use my married name for things like making reservations, on my credit card (because my maiden name is pretty long there isn’t always room for both) etc just for simplicity. But for work I use both and people know me by both.

Oh - and I grew up with my mom’s last name (she didn’t change which was still somewhat “radical” in the 70s) as my last name. My dad had been married before and had multiple children who had his last name, which is a very complicated ethnic name with a difficult spelling. My mom had a much simpler “Anglo” sounding name and was from a relatively well-known family so they decided to give her name.

I spent my childhood having people call my dad my stepdad which always bothered me (he was also 20 years older than my mom and older than everyone else’s parents so a lot of people also thought he was my grandfather.) I hated it and I decided at a young age that I wanted all of my family when I had kids to use the same last name. So we basically do now except in the case mentioned above. Our kids don’t have my maiden name in their names but they do have family given names. My son has the shortened form of my maiden name (think Anderson —> Anders) as his middle name.

I use my maiden name and my married name. The only time it has been an “issue” is at our school where they list me differently under the alphabetical listings because they go by maiden name because it’s first, so I’m not actually listed with the rest of my family. For the most part I use my married name for things like making reservations, on my credit card (because my maiden name is pretty long there isn’t always room for both) etc just for simplicity. But for work I use both and people know me by both.

Honestly you would be creating a lot of hassle for very little benefit.

I kept my name. My surname was used as the kids’ middle name. The are now adults and we have never had any issues.

Mine has both last names, not hyphenated. It only came up in elementary school when he was called by both names at formal announcements. I asked him if he preferred to omit mine (legally). He said nooo I love both names. 20 yo and no problems.

Anonymous wrote:I work for a school district and it’s always a pain when you try to look the kid up by Jones and he is Smith Jones.

Yes! This is a huge pain and the parents names don't match up and it turns out kid is different or it's there but not in the search parameters.

Op, how would you like others to address invitations, cards to you and your spouse?
Try filling out just the name portion of a passport application as a test run, print one out and see. It's inconvenient if your identity is not always listed with the same last names for credit purposes so I don't recommend your plan to use it for some things and not others.
Expect some confusion from people who just see a list of names and/or decide to hyphenate for you thinking it was left off or shorten it in their own way.

I don't think it's as easy as people state here but if you need it that way, hang on to the names and be gracious about the inevitable mishaps. Don't be quick to take offense as people will make mistakes.

Kids with hyphenated names in our kid’s class are referred to with initials. Like:
Toby G-D
Mary M-F
Luke B-S

it’s unfortunate sometimes

I kept my name. Kids have dad’s name. It has never been an issue.

don't hyphenate. That was a fad 20 years ago. Read this 2014 article. https://cafemom.com/lifestyle/176123-hyphenated_last_name_marriage_husband.

Anonymous wrote:Hyphenating just the kids? Then, adults have different names than one another and different last names than the kids. So, only the kids would have the same last name?

Don’t be dense. Our kids have a hyphenated last name, and it’s obviously seen as having both their parents’ last names.

Anonymous wrote:The easy solution is to keep your name and use your husband’s last name socially. Give your kids your surname as a middle name so they’re connected to both your names.

I kind of hate how when women get married it’s a bureaucratic nightmare to replace every document and change emails and business cards. It feels very medieval.

My cousin does this. Uses her legal name professionally and on all legal documents. Goes by husband’s name socially, eg at school, church etc. basically doesn’t sweat it in her personal life what last name people use. But at work (medicine), she’s only known by her legal last name.

Anonymous wrote:If you want to be called two last names you should hyphenate. I hyphenated but my sisters and friends did not. Long story short: I’m the only one who is recognized as having two last names.

My kids have a hyphenated last name as well.

+1. If you use a hyphenated name, people will always use that. 2 last names? People will only use the last one, though you can use all your names in your signature etc.

Eg Hillary Rodham Clinton

I say no downside and go for it. My memory may be failing me but when I applied for name change in dc you can’t do it this way on the form (2 last names) - it has to be approved in court. I could be wrong but check. Not a dealbreaker just a heads up

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no need to have same name as your kids. Not an issue.

+1 People often post that it will be an issue. My kid is 21. Still waiting for it to be an issue.

+2 Married 20 years this year. It has never been an issue with my kids, or their teachers or just about anybody. It's not a big deal, don't make it one. Keep your last name.

Without getting into the patriarchal issues surrounding women changing their names, the whole thing is a massive PITA.
My job requires constant identify verification and I can't even tell you the hours that are wasted (at taxpayer expense) because of name-changes. At best, it's a one-time change and all forms of ID are updated as well. But it's almost never that simple with the number of divorces and re-marriages now. It's really easiest for everyone to keep their name. As for kids, I actually think it makes far more sense for a child to have his or her mother's surname when you consider how many children grow up without their fathers. But assuming both parents are in the picture, I don't see why kids can't have both. So the mother is Larla Jones, the father is Larlo Smith and the children are Larlilings Jones Smith or Smith Jones.