Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 19:40     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
Anonymous wrote:God no. When you have lived with teenagers you'll understand.

Humans are not happy without purpose in life. We're not rich enough for them to be full-time philanthropists, so they will need to do something. And I think my kids would be embarrassed to have no profession.


No. Look at the Hiltons/Trumps and then look at the Gates and other rich people whose kids went to school and did stuff.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 18:17     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
Children are not pets yet more and more people talk about them as if they are. Your job is to teach then to live productive, independent lives and get along with others.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 18:02     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
Anonymous wrote:OMG. There is literally no amount of money that could induce me to marry into that kind of situation or a MIL with that kind of attitude. I do not want a rich do-nothing for a husband! Yes, in some cultures it's normal, but not in my culture.


American culture is a mix, a good percentage of women here are gold diggers.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 17:25     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is what my sister in law did—pretty much facilitated my niece getting knocked up in high school so she wouldn’t get an education or move out. She gets to be mommy to her grandkids while my niece goes to work in a manufacturing job.


OP isn't planning to make kids do be single parents or do menial jobs, she is planning to provide for all.



It was just a question, I said IF you have the money ….
I saw a video on TikTok how to be better parents and this said if a kid doesn’t want to go college or do anything anything high school it’s should be fine.
You need to do better if you make them pay for something because they never asked to be here..
Again my kids are 5 year old and 4 months, old so I don’t know how it will be 15 years from now..
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 17:18     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
Anonymous wrote:OP! Would you care to chime in and elaborate?



Well I saw this guy on TikTok saying parents should provide for their kids for life. They never decided to come in to life, so maybe they to stay with us for life?
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 13:21     Subject: Re:If you could provide for your kids
Anonymous wrote:In my culture we don't move out until we're married. Often our parents move in with us and help us with our children and we take care of them until they die. There is no forced eviction or expectation to move out early or ever. We're all educated, successful and well-rounded adults.


I think this can be a really lovely way to live, as long as family members have healthy boundaries and respect them (especially when kids do marry and they incorporate new people into the family -- enmeshment is really bad for marriages).

But it's not what OP suggested. She wants her kids to not become educated or get jobs. She wants them to remain dependent on her forever. It is the kind of thing you think in passing when snuggling with your 4 year old and thinking about how sad it will be to send them off to school in a year, but the immediately recognize as irrational.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 13:14     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you are dumb and immature enough to think this way, you shouldn’t be a mother


Well, not necessarily. She could just be pondering why world is how it is and what if there are other ways, not necessarily a psycho wanting to lock kids in her basement .


To me the psycho part is not thinking she'd like to live with her kids for the rest of her life, but framing it as "what if you could pay for your kids so they didn't have to get an education or ever work?" The implication here is also that they never marry or have kids, since if they have no education or profession and live at home with their parents as dependents, they are very unlikely to develop the kind of adult relationship that is required to have a family.

I can absolutely see living with my kids in some capacity for the rest of my life. But I'm envisioning a situation where our house is their home base while they got to college, pursue goals, develop adult relationships, and perhaps start their own family. I could also see moving in with my kids to provide childcare to grandkids and help them with the little kid years if they wanted that (and ONLY if they wanted that). I am close with my kids and want to have a supportive, mutually enriching relationship with them until I die.

But I don't want to hold them back from having fulfilling, meaningful lives that involve people other than me. It would make me really sad if my child's most signficant relationships in life were just with us. That would feel like a failure on my part. Plus then we will die, and then what? They grieve and then they die? That's not a healthy circle of life, it's called enmeshment and it's very unhealthy and selfish.


I think she meant not going away to college or having to make a living, not necessarily staying uneducated. You can go to local college and be productive without having to hold a 9-5 job. As far as spouse and kids, probably OP hasn't given it a thought yet but to be devil's advocate, it's possible to find someone who wouldn't mind a luxurious setup.


Take note of "healthy/well adjusted wealthy kids" and you will find the one thing in common is that they all are encouraged/required to get an education. Take Gates kids----sure they will never want for anything in life. But they are all required to work hard and achieve something in life. The oldest is in Medical school. Sure she went to Stanford, but you wouldn't graduate Stanford and get into NYU medical school if you didn't do the work---family money can only get you so far. She's smart, dedicated, motivated to do well in life. Same for the younger kids, they just stay out of the limelight more.
But smart wealthy people do not simply want their kids to sit at home and do nothing---they want them to be high achievers in life, all while not having to worry about money.

And kids/20 somethings need that. They need to strive and find their place in life even if they don't have to worry about how to pay the rent.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 13:09     Subject: Re:If you could provide for your kids
Please do not make your children the only thing in your life.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 13:09     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No. Human beings need to be productive. They spiral when they are not.


Well, there are probably more ways to be productive which doesn't require a path through daycare, preschool, middle school, high school, college, grad school and 40 years of going to a cubicle.


So you are proposing a path thru life where your kid(s) do not get educated? What type of life is that?


I'm not OP nor approving her post, just saying that our standard practices can't be the only way to live.


OP is questioning whether ES/MS/HS are necessary---and I'd argue that they are or quality Homeschooling in place of that.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 13:08     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
OMG. There is literally no amount of money that could induce me to marry into that kind of situation or a MIL with that kind of attitude. I do not want a rich do-nothing for a husband! Yes, in some cultures it's normal, but not in my culture.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 13:07     Subject: Re:If you could provide for your kids
Anonymous wrote:In my culture we don't move out until we're married. Often our parents move in with us and help us with our children and we take care of them until they die. There is no forced eviction or expectation to move out early or ever. We're all educated, successful and well-rounded adults.


In such cultures, its often a problem for DILs, rest of the family obviously likes this set up.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 13:05     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
Anonymous wrote:This is what my sister in law did—pretty much facilitated my niece getting knocked up in high school so she wouldn’t get an education or move out. She gets to be mommy to her grandkids while my niece goes to work in a manufacturing job.


OP isn't planning to make kids do be single parents or do menial jobs, she is planning to provide for all.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 13:02     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
This is what my sister in law did—pretty much facilitated my niece getting knocked up in high school so she wouldn’t get an education or move out. She gets to be mommy to her grandkids while my niece goes to work in a manufacturing job.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 12:57     Subject: Re:If you could provide for your kids
In my culture we don't move out until we're married. Often our parents move in with us and help us with our children and we take care of them until they die. There is no forced eviction or expectation to move out early or ever. We're all educated, successful and well-rounded adults.
Anonymous
Post 10/15/2023 12:56     Subject: If you could provide for your kids
OP! Would you care to chime in and elaborate?