Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Your kid is only 15 and has already tried alcohol and drugs and you don’t look at his phone ever? You don’t think he is sneaking out but you aren’t even sure? What about girls, sex, bullying, harassment, or getting in cars with drinkers, etc… You think a 15yr old boy tells the truth to his parents. He told you every time he tried things or made mistakes. His friends are the bad ones but he isn’t? Come on!!!

I’m not a troll. I think a lot of sophomores have tried alcohol or vapes. You are the clueless ones if you think this isn’t common. It’s a blessing and a curse that my kid tells us a lot. No, he’s not perfect at all. But I’m a realist and know the things you are checking on the phone aren’t likely the apps where they do their primary communication. The second you start demanding to see Snapchat they will change the settings and you won’t even know what you aren’t seeing.

+2 My 15 year old honors and AP student is also drinking and smoking weed at parties or hanging our with friends. Yes, we have caught him. All of his friends are also doing this. These are boys from homes with engaged parents and HHI, active in school, sports, good grades. They all think weed is much more tame than alcohol. I don’t know about vaping. I thought that wasn’t as popular anymore. Those nicotine pouch things (zin?) are everywhere though.

What consequences did you implement when you caught him smoking weed and drinking? Or do you think it's not a big deal for a 15 year old to be engaging in those activities?

Punished appropriately. Why would you assume I think it is no big deal? However, short of keeping my kid home every weekend for the next 2 years and isolated from friends, you can’t really control what they are doing when they are not with you. Surely you remember being a teenager?

Do you didn’t say how long they were punished and your “they are teenagers” comment is giving cool mom vibes. Your kid is worse off than you think. Do you drug test them once a week? Do you take their phone? Do you have life 360 so you know where they are?

Once a kid loses my trust like that, there is no way I just let them go back to their normal junkie friends. I am guessing this kid has drastically changed friend groups too, huh?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Your kid is only 15 and has already tried alcohol and drugs and you don’t look at his phone ever? You don’t think he is sneaking out but you aren’t even sure? What about girls, sex, bullying, harassment, or getting in cars with drinkers, etc… You think a 15yr old boy tells the truth to his parents. He told you every time he tried things or made mistakes. His friends are the bad ones but he isn’t? Come on!!!

I’m not a troll. I think a lot of sophomores have tried alcohol or vapes. You are the clueless ones if you think this isn’t common. It’s a blessing and a curse that my kid tells us a lot. No, he’s not perfect at all. But I’m a realist and know the things you are checking on the phone aren’t likely the apps where they do their primary communication. The second you start demanding to see Snapchat they will change the settings and you won’t even know what you aren’t seeing.

+2 My 15 year old honors and AP student is also drinking and smoking weed at parties or hanging our with friends. Yes, we have caught him. All of his friends are also doing this. These are boys from homes with engaged parents and HHI, active in school, sports, good grades. They all think weed is much more tame than alcohol. I don’t know about vaping. I thought that wasn’t as popular anymore. Those nicotine pouch things (zin?) are everywhere though.

What consequences did you implement when you caught him smoking weed and drinking? Or do you think it's not a big deal for a 15 year old to be engaging in those activities?

Punished appropriately. Why would you assume I think it is no big deal? However, short of keeping my kid home every weekend for the next 2 years and isolated from friends, you can’t really control what they are doing when they are not with you. Surely you remember being a teenager?

Anonymous wrote:I check my teen’s texts and photos. They don’t know that I do that and they also use Snapchat for a lot so I am only seeing a little bit. But it’s still a lot. We learned about alcohol use and now weed use. Also sexual antics etc. The knowledge has been helpful in how we approach these issues. Still, we have an older child who didn’t do any of this and I wish this kid didn’t either but at least we know.

I found out one of my 14yr old’s best friend was sexually active and that was really shocking and we also had to change how we approached things. It is eye opening for sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This comment section is exactly why teens are the way they are now. Shocking

And for the idiot who thinks almost all sophomores have vaped, drugs or drank, you are clearly wrong. It’s embarrassing.

13% of girls have had a drink
19% of boys have had a drink
14% have tried vaping
9% of boys tried weed
6% of girls tried weed

I don’t believe this.

For 14-15yr olds? You think half of them drink and do drugs? Come on. Most kids don’t do any of the stuff above their entire high school time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Your kid is only 15 and has already tried alcohol and drugs and you don’t look at his phone ever? You don’t think he is sneaking out but you aren’t even sure? What about girls, sex, bullying, harassment, or getting in cars with drinkers, etc… You think a 15yr old boy tells the truth to his parents. He told you every time he tried things or made mistakes. His friends are the bad ones but he isn’t? Come on!!!

I’m not a troll. I think a lot of sophomores have tried alcohol or vapes. You are the clueless ones if you think this isn’t common. It’s a blessing and a curse that my kid tells us a lot. No, he’s not perfect at all. But I’m a realist and know the things you are checking on the phone aren’t likely the apps where they do their primary communication. The second you start demanding to see Snapchat they will change the settings and you won’t even know what you aren’t seeing.

+2 My 15 year old honors and AP student is also drinking and smoking weed at parties or hanging our with friends. Yes, we have caught him. All of his friends are also doing this. These are boys from homes with engaged parents and HHI, active in school, sports, good grades. They all think weed is much more tame than alcohol. I don’t know about vaping. I thought that wasn’t as popular anymore. Those nicotine pouch things (zin?) are everywhere though.

What consequences did you implement when you caught him smoking weed and drinking? Or do you think it's not a big deal for a 15 year old to be engaging in those activities?

I check my teen’s texts and photos. They don’t know that I do that and they also use Snapchat for a lot so I am only seeing a little bit. But it’s still a lot. We learned about alcohol use and now weed use. Also sexual antics etc. The knowledge has been helpful in how we approach these issues. Still, we have an older child who didn’t do any of this and I wish this kid didn’t either but at least we know.

Anonymous wrote:This comment section is exactly why teens are the way they are now. Shocking

And for the idiot who thinks almost all sophomores have vaped, drugs or drank, you are clearly wrong. It’s embarrassing.

13% of girls have had a drink
19% of boys have had a drink
14% have tried vaping
9% of boys tried weed
6% of girls tried weed

I don’t believe this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, some may be doing that…and some may say they are doing that. The false bravado amongst boys is very strong…don’t believe everything they say.

Are you serious? I hope you don’t have any teen boys. This is extremely dangerous thinking. RAISE THEM RIGHT

I hate when people only blame the boys. Some of the most disturbing things I have witnessed are from the girls. They can be really vile, especially to one another.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, some may be doing that…and some may say they are doing that. The false bravado amongst boys is very strong…don’t believe everything they say.

Are you serious? I hope you don’t have any teen boys. This is extremely dangerous thinking. RAISE THEM RIGHT

I hate when people only blame the boys. Some of the most disturbing things I have witnessed are from the girls. They can be really vile, especially to one another.

The person they were responding to mentioned a son. And yes girls are mean to each other. Boys are mean to everyone. The boys that play and pit girls against each other are the worst tho.

Moms tend to think their sons are doing nothing wrong or use the “boys will be boys”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, some may be doing that…and some may say they are doing that. The false bravado amongst boys is very strong…don’t believe everything they say.

Are you serious? I hope you don’t have any teen boys. This is extremely dangerous thinking. RAISE THEM RIGHT

I hate when people only blame the boys. Some of the most disturbing things I have witnessed are from the girls. They can be really vile, especially to one another.

I will never understand parents that do not check. Up until they are at least 16-17yrs old minimum. They are your children and they are making mistakes. Some that are screenshot and used permanently against them. Some that cause suspensions and charges. Things they can never take back. Hurting others.

We didn’t grow up with phones and social media. But you must learn. You must still parent. You can’t just say oh well and ignore the device they use to socialize almost 100% of the time. Of course you are going to miss things but you can’t just not ignore completely.

I found out something so bad on my kids phone that it turned into a lawsuit. I am so happy I checked. I can’t imagine how bad things could have gotten.

Do better parents!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Yikes, I hope you’re a troll!

I don't think she is a troll. I certainly think what she is doing is more effective than checking text messages. If she were regularly checking, kid would just change phone behavior or hide it better. Her method involves communication and action.

People who think checking phones is the best line of defense are the clueless ones.

If what she's doing is effective, why is her kid so shitty?

This was unnecessarily mean. A kid who had tried alcohol or drugs isn't "sh!tty." He's a kid. She knows what her kid has done even without going through his phone. Open communication will always be the best method.

Good parenting doesn't guarantee your kid will never screw up. Doesn't even guarantee your kid won't grow up to be a nasty tw@t on the internet. I have a 16 year old uber nerd type kid who hasn't dabbled yet, but it's not some triumph of my parenting.

Because those type of kids will continue to find ways to get their alcohol, drugs, sneaking out, etc…. The open lines of communication don’t work. They just appease their parents while throwing little scraps of info.

My kids friend got caught once and grounded. They even put ring cams on the doors. Kid acted like he knew what he did was wrong and would change, but just goes thru garage window now. Found another kid driving his parents car as a 15yr old - unlicensed and not sober. Going to parties and having sex with drunk girls. Just a lot of shocking stuff for 14-15yr olds. And what’s crazy is they all talk about it on snap chat like it’s no big deal. Almost seems like assault

I have snap on my phone and can log into both my kids account at any time. You can tell that 90% of teens have no supervision. The group chats are horrific.I don’t say much because I pick my battles on the really bad stuff directly toward them.

This.

I am always thrilled to find a parent like this PP. At least if your kid knows there is a slight chance of you reading what he/she wrote, maybe it will help them think twice about typing it.

DD has one good friend whose mom will randomly take his phone and go through it. Without notice. Just the simple fact that the kid knows this can happen at any time seems to help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ever check my 15 year old’s phone. I stopped before high school. He’s pretty open about things and I know a lot of friends are drinking, doing drugs and even driving without a license. I know some of their parents know but I know my kid has also tried drugs and alcohol. We are trying to keep the lines of communication open and think that’s more effective than checking phones. I can’t keep up with what apps they use to communicate. They aren’t texting.

As for the other stuff, we stopped allowing sleepovers many years ago. We sleep with our car keys in our bedroom. I don’t think he’s leaving in the night since I’m the lighter sleeper in the house.

Yikes, I hope you’re a troll!

I don't think she is a troll. I certainly think what she is doing is more effective than checking text messages. If she were regularly checking, kid would just change phone behavior or hide it better. Her method involves communication and action.

People who think checking phones is the best line of defense are the clueless ones.

If what she's doing is effective, why is her kid so shitty?

This was unnecessarily mean. A kid who had tried alcohol or drugs isn't "sh!tty." He's a kid. She knows what her kid has done even without going through his phone. Open communication will always be the best method.

Good parenting doesn't guarantee your kid will never screw up. Doesn't even guarantee your kid won't grow up to be a nasty tw@t on the internet. I have a 16 year old uber nerd type kid who hasn't dabbled yet, but it's not some triumph of my parenting.

Because those type of kids will continue to find ways to get their alcohol, drugs, sneaking out, etc…. The open lines of communication don’t work. They just appease their parents while throwing little scraps of info.

My kids friend got caught once and grounded. They even put ring cams on the doors. Kid acted like he knew what he did was wrong and would change, but just goes thru garage window now. Found another kid driving his parents car as a 15yr old - unlicensed and not sober. Going to parties and having sex with drunk girls. Just a lot of shocking stuff for 14-15yr olds. And what’s crazy is they all talk about it on snap chat like it’s no big deal. Almost seems like assault

I have snap on my phone and can log into both my kids account at any time. You can tell that 90% of teens have no supervision. The group chats are horrific.I don’t say much because I pick my battles on the really bad stuff directly toward them.

I check a few times a week. It gets charged in my bedroom so it’s easy.

I check my 15 year old's phone about once a week.

Very, very occasionally, I make him open his Snaps in front of me. It was a condition of him getting Snapchat on his phone.

He has a history of accessing stuff online that he shouldn't be accessing. And he knows that we pay for his phone.

OP, you are absolutely correct that some of what these 15 year old boys say and share is appalling. I'm not a prude, but this goes beyond that. DH and I talk about with our son constantly, but it's a struggle.

No good advice, just empathy. Good luck OP.