Anonymous wrote:But if it is just venting, sometimes the person just wants a hug and someone to say "it will all be OK, I'm here to support you". Is that so hard?

Sometimes it won’t be ok. They’ll know you are being patronizing.

It is not your spouse’s job to make you happy. That is your job. Seek help from a therapist.

You definitely need a therapist.

Anonymous wrote:Another spouse here, who doesn't want to hear about one more time about Trump, how the country is going to dumps, Russia and on and on after you've watched hours of YouTube videos and read news stories on Yahoo.

OMG I could've written this. Maybe we are married to the same person!😂

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes but not on the regular. Phone a friend.

Also if you need to vent about something that is not normal to vent about you need therapy.

It’s loving to let a spouse know when they are out of bounds.

"Phone a friend?" I realize this isn't everyone's reality but it seems to me that a husband ideally is also a friend? A best friend?

Anonymous wrote:It's not a regular thing because he's never let me do it. Literally. He doesn't want to hear it.

I don't have any friends.

Why don't you have any friends?

The divorce suggestions are odd, because then Op will have no one at all in her life, apparently.

OP, you need friends. Just a couple. And don’t lean on them too hard either, or you will scare them off. So you also need a therapist.

Anonymous wrote:It's not a regular thing because he's never let me do it. Literally. He doesn't want to hear it.

I don't have any friends.

You need therapy. For yourself, you'll be better for it.

I had a boyfriend who used to tell me to see a therapist anytime I had an emotional need. I eventually broke up w him and this was one reason. It’s a pity be he was very tall, good looking, sexy, smart, interesting, and talented and made >$300K but I could not deal with the selfishness and inability to deal with emotions.

By telling you to see a therapist he’s not necessarily saying you’re crazy or pathological. He’s just saying he’s not the one for the job.

I am your DH (although I am a woman). I hate listening to people complain/vent…it is like nails on a chalkboard. What’s the point?? Talking out solutions - yes, I’m here for that. Just venting, getting things off your chest? Ugh, I struggle with listening to that.
You are doing it in this thread - venting about your DH, lack of friends, how you shouldn’t have to see a therapist or change…seems like you may vent a lot, maybe more than you realize.
Try a therapist - it’s like a free pass to vent for an hr about whatever you want! And who knows, if you get some of it out at the therapists office, maybe that will make DH more receptive.
I do let my DH vent, but I give him a time frame. Like you can complain about work/your boss/family/whatever while we go on this walk, & then when we get home, time to let it go & make dinner & talk about other topics. So maybe you could ask DH, hey, I need to vent (no suggestions/fixes needed) for 10 mins, then let’s go do whatever & have a good night.

Your husband is telling you to see a therapist because he isn’t able to be your one emotional outlet any longer.

Anonymous wrote:It's not a regular thing because he's never let me do it. Literally. He doesn't want to hear it.

I don't have any friends.

Does he isolate you? So you’ve lost or left all your friends?

Anonymous wrote:OP It's completely draining being someone's venting punching bag. Get a therapist.

It’s true. Stressful and exhausting. You knew from the beginning he would not be your outlet. You have to find it elsewhere.

You asked earlier why you should change when someone suggested therapy. It’s not about changing as much as venting to someone who’s only job is to listen and help you sort out your anxiety. Life-changing. Go for it. You’ll also be happier not hoping or wanting that from your DH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a therapist will be life altering for you.


(And no, I don't think a husband should do this, especially since he probably rightly suspects that him listening is not going to help that much.)

You need a therapist who can shine a mirror on you and help you change.

Why do I need to change? Because I'm sad about losing a promotion? (Most recently)

Well, you said you don't have friends, you get sad/anxious, and your relationship with your husband is not what you want it to be.

A therapist can help with all of these things.