the names - it was hell trying to come up with a name - cant imagine trying to think of two names.

When I had my first 16 years ago, we were on the fence of whether we wanted to know beforehand; but my older sister’s advice was that it’s going to be a surprise anytime you find out and you’re gonna have that same joy at 14 weeks or 40 weeks. In fact, on the baby’s birthdate, the baby is the biggest surprise of all because even if you already know the sex, you don’t know the baby you haven’t seen the baby and soaking all of that in is a lot.

So we found out early, We shared with the grandparents and the great grandparents and the aunts and uncles, and that was a mini celebration. We Referred to the baby by name and gender inutero. We celebrated our daughter at the shower and finally when she was born, we were able to focus on celebrating her.

this made my entire pregnancy special with me not just looking forward to the birth. Also my family was able to celebrate it all with us.

Unless you think that toys/colors are for certain genders only there are no cons.
We adopted and only had 8 days notice. So many people had given us stuff because they knew we were going waiting. We were set, colors didn’t matter..

We didn’t find out until DC was born AND I’m feeling a little snarky tonight, so take the following with a grain of salt:

Con: Suffering through condescending / self-congratulatory remarks from other newish moms along the lines of, “Oh, I’m such a planner, I just had to find out in advance!” (Implying I was not planning/preparing because I didn’t know the sex.)

Pro: The satisfaction of knowing you would ace the marshmallow test and that you’ll nurture this skill in your progeny.

The baby felt more real after finding out the sex. It was also easier to design the nursery and buy clothes.

We didn’t want to know but some techs aren’t careful. “Haha, don’t look now because you’ll definitely know which sex!!”

Some tech or doctor may accidentally slip one day and you’ll find out in a way or time you don’t expect. That happened to me. It was frustrating. Obviously not the biggest problem in the world, but mistakes happen.

I'm not fixated on my kids' genitalia.

We did not find out. The hospital staff was so excited that it would be a surprise. I would have found out for #2 so we could have told #1 about his brother/sister but DH wanted another surprise.

We didn't find out, and there was zero downside for us.

Anonymous wrote:My parents did not know what I was and I know many people back in the 80s who did not find out.

What would you say are the cons in 2024?

We are high risk fwiw so I know that with the extra scans and testing I will need to emphasize we do not want to know based upon my last pregnancy it came up often. We did find out with him.

Anyone willing to consider what cons I should be prepared for?


I can think of not having clothing prepared and ready as one but for other cons, I struggle to capture what I am not considering.

One of life's most beautiful and wonderful surprises.

Anonymous wrote:If you’d be disappointed if the gender is not what you were hoping for then might be good to know in advance. That way you can shake off the disappointment and get excited for their birthday!

I felt opposite- I remember a colleague coming into work crying when she found out the gender and having to comfort her that she'd love the kid when he was born (which totally happened and I've never heard her mention disappointment once alive) and figured when I had a baby in my arms I would be too in love to have any emotion either way about gender.

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I felt more excited about my babies after I knew the sex so I could talk about them by name and imagine their futures. It made me feel more connected to my pregnancies.

I intentionally didn't find out in part because of this-- had a miscarriage and a friend with a baby lost at 39 weeks (emergency c section and lived a week... ). I mean a loss is devasting no matter what but I didn't want to get AS emotionally invested until they were in my arms. The only real con for us was i had to prep for both a potential bris and baby naming (we're Jewish)- nearly everything else can happen after the fact. In Jewish custom you're not supposed to buy stuff for baby in advance anyway (and we had plenty of hand me downs of both genders)- so there was lots of angst with my husband about a bris that we fortunately didn't need- but now we've done the research and have a plan in case next kid is a boy. I had at least 8 ultrasounds and NIPT- there was a simple thing we checked with doing NIPT to select don't share gender- we could still find out results immediately on portal without seeing gender. At our first ultrasound they asked us if we wanted to know the sex and marked no on our emr and they'd confirm that at each scan. Was never an issue. The ultrasound techs always would tell us when to close our eyes during scans but still showed us all the relevant health stuff. It was a very special moment when we found out the sex at birth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people who don't find out are often expecting a special moment where the doctor says, "It's a _______.". But both of my babies' births were unexpectedly traumatic with dozens of people in the room, yelling, and a blue, limp non-breathing baby who is hustled to the NICU. I was also at risk with heavy bleeding, so far from completely lucid.

We had the doctor write down the gender after NIPT and put it in an envelope. We opened it over dinner and got to celebrate together. Then we sent blue or pink flowers to the grandparents and great grandparents, who called us so so happily when they received the news.

We didn't get a ton of overly gendered presents. We were having a girl, so one aunt made a few sweet baby dresses by hand. Another great aunt made a sweet baby quilt with pink, blue and yellow flowers.

I really hate all of the guessing conversations that seem to come when someone doesn't find out the gender. It always seems to be the only thing anyone wants to talk about, when it's the least of the life change that is happening.

My birth was unexpectedly traumatic and we still got the special moment when DH told me "It's a girl." He told me later it was the best moment of his life, which I was a little surprised by (he wanted to find out earlier, although he didn't feel strongly about it). I'm truly sorry your births went terribly and what you're describing sounds terrifying, but I don't really understand what that has to do with finding out the sex before or at birth.

I imagine that would be such a special moment for a new father. It's like his version of getting to share the "I'm pregnant" news. Really sweet and special.

Personally, I felt more excited about my babies after I knew the sex so I could talk about them by name and imagine their futures. It made me feel more connected to my pregnancies.