Anonymous
10/22/2023 13:10
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So we had friends over this weekend. We have known them a long time. Our 21 year old son was home this weekend too. He knows this family. So anyway we watched football, drank beer etc. At one point the wife of the couple asked if our son was allowed beer. We said “yes he’s 21, responsible, not driving.” Then we went to eat at our kitchen island-grilled steak and chicken. We were all sitting when my son grabbed his phone to check a text. The wife said “Matt no phones at dinner.” I got angry and said “Not your son. He’s fine.” She then proceeded to tell me the rules of her house with her middle school kids-who were at their grandparents. I said “uh huh” and changed the subject. I don’t get people who think they can just do whatever they want
Except Matt, of course! He must be permitted to do whatever he wants.
Matt can follow the rules his mom has in her home. It’s rude to make people follow your house rules when you are a guest in someone else’s house.
Phone use at meals is objectively rude behavior, particularly if guests are present. Do as you like but it doesn’t mean you get to be free of judgment.
It doesn’t matter whether you think it is rude or not. The point is that it not your place to tell another persons who is not your child that they are being rude. This is true even if the other person is a child and is so obviously true if the other person is an adult. Judge all you want; that’s your right.
I’m assuming there is no need to point out to you that a guest chastising their host or host’s offspring for their manners is also objectively rude, right?
Anonymous
10/22/2023 13:01
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So we had friends over this weekend. We have known them a long time. Our 21 year old son was home this weekend too. He knows this family. So anyway we watched football, drank beer etc. At one point the wife of the couple asked if our son was allowed beer. We said “yes he’s 21, responsible, not driving.” Then we went to eat at our kitchen island-grilled steak and chicken. We were all sitting when my son grabbed his phone to check a text. The wife said “Matt no phones at dinner.” I got angry and said “Not your son. He’s fine.” She then proceeded to tell me the rules of her house with her middle school kids-who were at their grandparents. I said “uh huh” and changed the subject. I don’t get people who think they can just do whatever they want
Except Matt, of course! He must be permitted to do whatever he wants.
Matt can follow the rules his mom has in her home. It’s rude to make people follow your house rules when you are a guest in someone else’s house.
Phone use at meals is objectively rude behavior, particularly if guests are present. Do as you like but it doesn’t mean you get to be free of judgment.
it’s rude to correct other adults as though they are children. You can silently judge all you want but it’s ridiculous for an adult to act this way towards another adult.
“Bill, napkin on the lap!, Sally, please sit up straight while you are eating”
Anonymous
10/22/2023 10:27
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So we had friends over this weekend. We have known them a long time. Our 21 year old son was home this weekend too. He knows this family. So anyway we watched football, drank beer etc. At one point the wife of the couple asked if our son was allowed beer. We said “yes he’s 21, responsible, not driving.” Then we went to eat at our kitchen island-grilled steak and chicken. We were all sitting when my son grabbed his phone to check a text. The wife said “Matt no phones at dinner.” I got angry and said “Not your son. He’s fine.” She then proceeded to tell me the rules of her house with her middle school kids-who were at their grandparents. I said “uh huh” and changed the subject. I don’t get people who think they can just do whatever they want
Except Matt, of course! He must be permitted to do whatever he wants.
Matt can follow the rules his mom has in her home. It’s rude to make people follow your house rules when you are a guest in someone else’s house.
Phone use at meals is objectively rude behavior, particularly if guests are present. Do as you like but it doesn’t mean you get to be free of judgment.
Anonymous
10/22/2023 10:18
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So we had friends over this weekend. We have known them a long time. Our 21 year old son was home this weekend too. He knows this family. So anyway we watched football, drank beer etc. At one point the wife of the couple asked if our son was allowed beer. We said “yes he’s 21, responsible, not driving.” Then we went to eat at our kitchen island-grilled steak and chicken. We were all sitting when my son grabbed his phone to check a text. The wife said “Matt no phones at dinner.” I got angry and said “Not your son. He’s fine.” She then proceeded to tell me the rules of her house with her middle school kids-who were at their grandparents. I said “uh huh” and changed the subject. I don’t get people who think they can just do whatever they want
Except Matt, of course! He must be permitted to do whatever he wants.
Matt can follow the rules his mom has in her home. It’s rude to make people follow your house rules when you are a guest in someone else’s house.
Anonymous
10/22/2023 09:25
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Anonymous wrote:So we had friends over this weekend. We have known them a long time. Our 21 year old son was home this weekend too. He knows this family. So anyway we watched football, drank beer etc. At one point the wife of the couple asked if our son was allowed beer. We said “yes he’s 21, responsible, not driving.” Then we went to eat at our kitchen island-grilled steak and chicken. We were all sitting when my son grabbed his phone to check a text. The wife said “Matt no phones at dinner.” I got angry and said “Not your son. He’s fine.” She then proceeded to tell me the rules of her house with her middle school kids-who were at their grandparents. I said “uh huh” and changed the subject. I don’t get people who think they can just do whatever they want
Except Matt, of course! He must be permitted to do whatever he wants.
Anonymous
10/22/2023 09:24
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Anonymous wrote:She's obnoxious. He's an adult and doesn't need policing. In terms of group dynamics, he was part of the hosting family and it's particularly rude to tell hosts how to act in their own homes. Would she have told you the same?
Was he hosting or was he spoiled? OP didn't indicate Matt did anything to help host.
Anonymous
10/22/2023 09:22
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He was rude. Your friend taught him a good lesson on the risks of being rude in social contexts. Sometimes you’ll be called out.
NP. Nope, there's a way to be gracious about it. "Matt, would you mind putting your phone away? That will help me reinforce the rule for my kids."
Except her kids weren’t with her at OP’s house and they’re middle school aged and OP’s son is an adult. OP could have said something to her own son. The friend was outside her boundary.
She treated Matt as the age he acted like. That's respect.
Anonymous
10/22/2023 09:21
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Not compatible. Her family is well-mannered and deferential to elders; yours lets it all hang out.
Live and let live.
Live and let live.
Anonymous
10/22/2023 09:16
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
You’re all rude
Anonymous
10/22/2023 08:57
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Then we went to eat at our kitchen island-grilled steak and chicken.
This was critical to the story.
I know, right, bizarre detail to include.
Anonymous
10/22/2023 08:56
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
This is so rude! For someone who is insistent on promoting good manners, she sure doesn’t have any.
Anonymous
10/22/2023 08:48
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Anonymous wrote:He was rude. Your friend taught him a good lesson on the risks of being rude in social contexts. Sometimes you’ll be called out.
It wasn’t her place.
Anonymous
10/22/2023 08:45
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Friend was out of line. I would have responded similarly to OP.
Anonymous
10/22/2023 08:25
Subject: Adult Son with Phone
Is it possible she doesn't realize he's a adult?