Anonymous wrote:I do not believe that any baby is extremely, extremely difficult. But, I do believe in extremely, extremely easy babies.

I feel that many young parents are not good at handling babies. They take care of dogs and cats and think that human babies will behave according to the parents convenience.

You are wrong. My mom helped raise her eight younger siblings. She worked with babies professionally for decades. You can take it from her, I had an exceedingly difficult baby. Epic colic.

Had an extremely difficult first child. Second one was probably normal on the scale of ease, but felt so incredibly easy in comparison to first, I did not complain about a thing they did.

Our first was so hard it took us 4 years to have a second. I wanted one badly and I love our second child, but he has many of the same challenges our first daughter did. We thought he would be our easy baby, but it turns out that both my kids are neurodivergent and both have a lot of challenges around eating, attention, sleeping, and behavior starting from birth. There were no easy temperaments, good eaters, easy to settle/sleep, etc. or any sort of break for us as parents. They both hated childcare, hated being away from us, both frequently got sick, had different health issues, had an hard time nursing and eating, and were just hard babies.

Of course, we did not quite know that our first was hard as first time parents. It just felt like parenting was a horrible and soul sucking exercise and everyone else who had babies could still go away for the weekend, have sitters, get back to sleeping ok, eat a family meal peacefully, etc. while we just could not get back to anything resembling our old life or the life I envisioned we would have as parents. But now I have been around so many babies I know how hard mine are. I can hold a friend’s baby and see they won’t scream bloody murder if someone else holds them, and they can let mom shower without a tantrum, and can wean easily at 12 months, and eat a meal and self-feed until they are full, and be easily sleep trained, and put themselves to sleep, and calm themselves down after being upset, and see how easy some children are and how mine are not - in any way.

Now that both my kids are older we are getting them formally diagnosed with their conditions (we have more than one) but they were both hard, hard babies, infants, and toddlers. They are also smart, funny, bright, and loving and damn, I do love them. But I still feel that my parenting experience is like trying to paddle a sinking canoe while other parents are in motorboats or yachts and looking at our family like, “why is this hard for you? It’s not that hard for us.”

My only advice would be to expect it might be just as hard, and then you may be surprised if your next child is easier. But I would not count on that - I feel foolish having thought the second time would be easier for us.

Yep. 1 and done.

Born at 35 weeks, so minor health issues from day 1.

Never napped longer than 37 minutes a day in his life. That was his exact sleep cycle, once it was over he was wide awake. Dropped all naps by a year. Didn’t sleep through the night until after a year old. Never fell asleep before 10 pm (he is almost 10 years old and still never has without melatonin)

Didn’t talk until 2.5. Didn’t make a noise other than silence or screaming until then either.

Sensory issues up the wazoo. Food on his face? Screamed, refused to eat. Messy hands? Sobbing, frozen in fear. He lived his life in a bubble. We took him to the beach at 2 and he just froze on the towel and refused to move because sand.

Could not entertain himself until probably 8 or 9, and then only for 10-15 minutes at a time. Needs constant mental stimulation from other people.

Signs of ASD, OCD, ADHD, and anxiety now that he’s in elementary school, although the Neuropsych was inconclusive on all of it.

I just couldn’t do it again. Maybe baby 2 would be easy, but maybe I’d get another baby like the one I had. I adore my child now that he’s older and the extensive therapies have started to show progress, but the first 5 years were literally hell. I would honestly not be alive if I had to do it all again, it was that hard.

Anonymous wrote:Define extremely extremely difficult.

Mine really didn't sleep. No blocks longer than 2-3 hours for first 9 months. It was torture and sent me into an anxiety spiral. I wouldn't say aggressive crying though or colic.

I waited 3+years and yes had another one and that baby was much easier. (Slept a lot better.) I had a lot of fear of having a newborn again.

OP here. Ya…mine usually slept in 5-10 minute increments, occasionally an hour, until 13 months. Usually wouldn’t go into the crib at all. Yes, we tried sleep training. Yes, we went to every medical specialist under the sun to figure it out. Nothing medically wrong. Eventually she slept with no interventions, just time. I absolutely cannot listen to anyone else complain about their baby’s sleep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First baby was extremely colicky, spit up like a horror movie for 6.5 months and didn't sleep. We had our second when they were 2. Second baby was a dream sleeper, eater, non spitter. Currently number 2 is the more "difficult" child, but I think it's just because they are younger. Happy they have each other now that they are older.

Same scenario. I didn't know they could be like that as infants. #1 was so needy, clingy, nursed like a fiend, and didn't sleep through the night for 9 months. #2 was such a good, easy baby then hit 1 year old and it was a total bait and switch. But by then I was pregnant with #3. Had I known what was to come, I might have stopped at 2. #3 ended up being in the middle, not extremely difficult, but not easy.

OP again. Mine didn’t sleep through the night even once until age 2. And even then only once every few weeks. She woke 10-30 times a night until 20 months and wouldn’t sleep in a crib.

Anonymous wrote:First baby did not nap at ALL after 3 weeks. Had emergency surgery at 5 weeks. Wouldn’t latch so had to pump, THen had nipple refusal of all liquids at 10 mos (so I had to effing spoon feed). Refused any other caregivers for 18 mos (cried so hard the gym daycare refused to take him; babysitting was a no go).

Defiant AF personality for years - i kept waiting for him to get easier before I would agree to try again. He never did.

So I was one and done. He’s now 21 and amazingly chill. Has the best mental health and no special needs. He’s also super high IQ and I suspect that has something to do with his shitty early years. As if he knew that nipples and daycares were bullshit and just wanted to move faster with life

I’m the OP. This answer is closest to my toddler. She is the absolute worst sleeper to have ever walked the face of the earth. So clingy and impossible to care for I never went back to work or school because she refuses all caregivers (including my husband!), even ones she’s known over a year. Everyone who knows her agrees she’s…different. And the hardest baby ever. I’m not sure I can do this again, but I also don’t feel like I can continue to be her only emotional support and playmate for the rest of her childhood and life. I know that might sound nuts but I’d like to share the emotional (NOT caregiving) burden with a sibling she could hopefully bond with.

Anonymous wrote:First baby was extremely colicky, spit up like a horror movie for 6.5 months and didn't sleep. We had our second when they were 2. Second baby was a dream sleeper, eater, non spitter. Currently number 2 is the more "difficult" child, but I think it's just because they are younger. Happy they have each other now that they are older.

Same scenario. I didn't know they could be like that as infants. #1 was so needy, clingy, nursed like a fiend, and didn't sleep through the night for 9 months. #2 was such a good, easy baby then hit 1 year old and it was a total bait and switch. But by then I was pregnant with #3. Had I known what was to come, I might have stopped at 2. #3 ended up being in the middle, not extremely difficult, but not easy.

If you never introduce the breast, you will likely be fine. If a baby has a choice between breast or bottle, they will choose breast. Some babies have no problem switching between the two. Others will wait all day and starve until they get a warm breast.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to side track this, but for people who say their baby wouldn’t take a bottle - I just don’t get it.

I am pregnant with my first so zero experience. And my mom claims I was this way.

But two questions:

(1) did you try introducing bottle in first 2 weeks of life? That is what my night nurse who I am hiring told me we’d do … exactly to avoid this outcome.

(2) if you didn’t do (1) - which does seem to be a big issue) - what happens if you just don’t feed except offering bottle. Like why can’t you just….make it happen? I know that sounds profoundly ignorant in some ways but in other ways, I’m sorry, but won’t the baby eventually just give it a try out of …. Hunger?

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

My baby didn't latch on anything for the first two weeks -- we syringe fed her. She finally latched on the breast at around 3-4 weeks. Then when I went back to work at 4 months, she wouldn't take a bottle. We started at 3 months what you're suggesting -- I left the house and my husband offered a bottle. "Healthy babies don't let themselves starve," the pediatrician said. Well, the pediatrician had never met my baby, I guess, because she went 12 hours without eating (or drinking) before we got worried about dehydration and I came home and nursed her. We tried that several times before we gave up.

Your questions come across as very judgmental. It's easy to know all the things when you're pregnant -- wait until you have an actual baby.

I mean, I acknowledged my ignorance in my post. I am not saying I KNOW or that I am judging responses.

But you do realize the logical conclusion of what you are saying? What about a baby that never had a Mom??? Like…that baby would definitionally starve? All the single Dads or gay male couples? What are they doing?

I guess I just have to believe this can be managed up front.

I suppose if I had never nursed, she might have latched onto a bottle when she first started suckling. Or, given how difficult it was for her to latch onto anything, perhaps we would have continued to have to syringe feed if nursing hadn't been available (and syringe feeding is the worst!)

I know you want to believe that if you do everything right, you will overcome all problems and so people with problems must have done something wrong, but that isn't true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to side track this, but for people who say their baby wouldn’t take a bottle - I just don’t get it.

I am pregnant with my first so zero experience. And my mom claims I was this way.

But two questions:

(1) did you try introducing bottle in first 2 weeks of life? That is what my night nurse who I am hiring told me we’d do … exactly to avoid this outcome.

(2) if you didn’t do (1) - which does seem to be a big issue) - what happens if you just don’t feed except offering bottle. Like why can’t you just….make it happen? I know that sounds profoundly ignorant in some ways but in other ways, I’m sorry, but won’t the baby eventually just give it a try out of …. Hunger?

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

My baby didn't latch on anything for the first two weeks -- we syringe fed her. She finally latched on the breast at around 3-4 weeks. Then when I went back to work at 4 months, she wouldn't take a bottle. We started at 3 months what you're suggesting -- I left the house and my husband offered a bottle. "Healthy babies don't let themselves starve," the pediatrician said. Well, the pediatrician had never met my baby, I guess, because she went 12 hours without eating (or drinking) before we got worried about dehydration and I came home and nursed her. We tried that several times before we gave up.

Your questions come across as very judgmental. It's easy to know all the things when you're pregnant -- wait until you have an actual baby.

I mean, I acknowledged my ignorance in my post. I am not saying I KNOW or that I am judging responses.

But you do realize the logical conclusion of what you are saying? What about a baby that never had a Mom??? Like…that baby would definitionally starve? All the single Dads or gay male couples? What are they doing?

I guess I just have to believe this can be managed up front.

Our first baby was incredibly difficult. It's a miracle we dared to have any more kids. The second and third were dream babies and so easy/content. It was a whole new world and I couldn't believe how easy other parents had it til I experienced the difference.

Anonymous wrote:I waited a bit longer than I had planned for my second, my first was just over 3 when second was born.

My second was so easy and pleasant and I really remember this one time, my second was in his vibrating bouncy seat watching me play with my first, and he was looking sleepy, and he got tired and just fell asleep. He is almost 14 and a really pleasant kid all around.

What I didn't know was that my extremely difficult high needs first baby would take me through round two when they went through the teen years. Sometimes I feel bad because her issues and personality are just so consuming, I can't just relax and enjoy my relaxed kid. Or I feel bad leaving him alone with her.

Apparently it is common that high need babies grow up to be high need teens, at least from what I've read of parents with similar kids to my first.

I'm glad I had my second and look forward to a few years just with him. But sometimes I feel for him and the toll the first takes on our family.

Mine is 13 and a super easy teen after being a nightmare baby / toddler. He's also a boy, so obviously different dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:Not to side track this, but for people who say their baby wouldn’t take a bottle - I just don’t get it.

I am pregnant with my first so zero experience. And my mom claims I was this way.

But two questions:

(1) did you try introducing bottle in first 2 weeks of life? That is what my night nurse who I am hiring told me we’d do … exactly to avoid this outcome.

(2) if you didn’t do (1) - which does seem to be a big issue) - what happens if you just don’t feed except offering bottle. Like why can’t you just….make it happen? I know that sounds profoundly ignorant in some ways but in other ways, I’m sorry, but won’t the baby eventually just give it a try out of …. Hunger?

Not taking a bottle literally won’t work in my lifestyle so my child would starve. I don’t get it.

My baby didn't latch on anything for the first two weeks -- we syringe fed her. She finally latched on the breast at around 3-4 weeks. Then when I went back to work at 4 months, she wouldn't take a bottle. We started at 3 months what you're suggesting -- I left the house and my husband offered a bottle. "Healthy babies don't let themselves starve," the pediatrician said. Well, the pediatrician had never met my baby, I guess, because she went 12 hours without eating (or drinking) before we got worried about dehydration and I came home and nursed her. We tried that several times before we gave up.

Your questions come across as very judgmental. It's easy to know all the things when you're pregnant -- wait until you have an actual baby.

Anonymous wrote:I do not believe that any baby is extremely, extremely difficult. But, I do believe in extremely, extremely easy babies.

I feel that many young parents are not good at handling babies. They take care of dogs and cats and think that human babies will behave according to the parents convenience.

I had an easy baby but your must either be 70 years old or only know 2 people if you believe the bolded. Just say you got lucky and keep it moving.