My 15 and 12 year old kids are best friends with each other. They are practically inseparable, which is not always a good thing because he rather hang out with each other than with friends but it’s not a bad problem to have.

Not to totally hijack OP’s thread, but does anyone have a kid with SNs who ended up becoming close with their sibling at one point? I have 2 elementary school boys, the youngest (1st grade) has pretty severe ADHD and mild ASD that cause a lot of admittedly annoying behaviors that drive my 3rd grader nuts. I try to teach my older DS to have empathy for his brother’s struggles, but I think he’s still too young to fully get why his brother is different.

I’m holding out hope with therapies and possibly meds we can stabilize the younger one and our boys will eventually become closer, but maybe that is just a fantasy? They have such very different personalities and energy so I just don’t know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, between this thread and your vacation thread and who knows what other thread, you spend a lot of time complaining and wringing your hands about your family. Maybe you should get off of DCUM and spend more quality time with them.

That was mean and unnecessary. Two posts do not give a good picture of how good a parent a person is. There are many things out of our control.

OP clearly needs a job. She has way too much time on her hands to ruminate about things and overly fixate on things. This is common with my SAHM friends. The brain needs to worry about something, if not a job it will find something.

Anonymous wrote:I have two daughters, 2.5 years apart. They have their own friends and interests, but they are somewhat close. They go into each other’s bedrooms and talk and goof around. They sit together at restaurants and talk and show each other things on their phones. They have sleepovers during Christmas. They are definitely a “pair” in our family. But…they also argue!

I think what you described is normal. Especially for siblings of different genders and with an age gap. I find the older sibling sets the tone.

What you describe sounds like my two daughters. But I disagree that what OP describes sounds normal or similar to my experience.

I have older girl/younger boy, four years apart. They are pretty different. When they were little they fought constantly. Now one is in high school and the other in college and they get along just fine and it makes me so happy to hear them talking and joking with the college kid is home, but I can’t say they’re really close. I don’t think they’re ever in touch independently and I imagine they will have a warm and friendly, but not close, adult relationship just based on what I see now

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, the more parents try to push these artificial relationships, the more kids are going to fight against it.... They didn't choose their sibling or their roommate. They were born into it. It is very likely that your children would never choose to be friends with their siblings if they had the choice.... Now let's hope they develop a bond stronger than nothing so they remain somewhat close as they age, but to force relationships is just not healthy for anyone.... Because someone is blood, does it mean they deserve your respect and time?.

Yes absolutely, blood deserves your respect and time. I don't understand how anyone could be so callous about family.

Honestly, the more parents try to push these artificial relationships, the more kids are going to fight against it.... They didn't choose their sibling or their roommate. They were born into it. It is very likely that your children would never choose to be friends with their siblings if they had the choice.... Now let's hope they develop a bond stronger than nothing so they remain somewhat close as they age, but to force relationships is just not healthy for anyone.... Because someone is blood, does it mean they deserve your respect and time?.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are close, but we push that. We will assign two to make dinner together, assign two to clean up after dinner together, assign two to fold a basket of clean clothes, to strip and remake the beds, to clean out the fridge, etc. We also have them all doing homework in the same room. So it's natural for one to ask another to help them study, to ask the others to listen to them give a presentation they have to do at school, etc.

When they grow up you won't have any say.

Um thanks? Haven't you heard of the concept of laying a foundation ?

My boys are 16 and 18 and are not that close. They do not fight, but they also don't really talk to each other. It makes me sad. They played together a lot when they were little, but they are just so different now. 18 year old is very academic, "nerdy", loves to talk to adults, and acts like he's 45. Younger son is "typical boy" - into sports, hanging out with friends, etc. They are opposites in pretty much every way. When the older son went to college this year, my son said he was sad they were not closer. I am hopeful that as they get older they will find each other again in some way.

My sisters and I were like this when we were adolescents, but we are all friends now. I think it's just a teenage thing.

My kids are very close. Their friend groups overlap and they all hangout together a lot of the time. But, they've always been very close/best friends.

Like most sibs they are the best of friends and the worst of enemies.

Translates tried to force a friendship between me and my siblings and all I did was drive a huge wedge between us because none of us wanted that..... Ironically they gave up after the 4th and that's the one in the closest with.... Because there was no pressure that we had to be BFF or get along.

We try to build in natural opportunities for the family to bond like game night movie night things like that..... Also respect their individuality and don't force them to be best friends.
Once every other month or so, we'll give them $30-60 and say they have to plan an activity for their sibling in themselves that they think the other one will enjoy..... our son has picked out paint your own pottery..... And our daughter asked for the family to do an escape room together.

We also have a lot of discussions about respecting boundaries because my husband and I are very much different people who have different needs and wants and so we try to mirror how two people can be very different but still have a loving relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, between this thread and your vacation thread and who knows what other thread, you spend a lot of time complaining and wringing your hands about your family. Maybe you should get off of DCUM and spend more quality time with them.

That was mean and unnecessary. Two posts do not give a good picture of how good a parent a person is. There are many things out of our control.

We had four kids and traveled the world and they never argued. They were also always friends with each other growing up and still are. So something’s not right.

Four kids who never even argued? If true, that’s not typical at all. My kids argue all the time but they’re still good friends.

My sons are three years apart and best friends. They're in their 20's and text each other every day. They were always close.