OP, 11 years ago my lovely father in law died and I made the mistake of coming in this forum to ask a question about the inheritance. Like you I was roundly slammed as greedy. Well that inheritance was immediately put in both our names at my husbands insistence and there’s never been any disharmony about it in our relationship. I guess this attitude says more about other peoples relationships than ours.

OP it's such a reasonable question and I don't understand why the negative posters are being so rude about it. Understanding how money changes hands is basic financial literacy.

I don't have any answers for you OP just wanted to tell you not to be put off by the trolls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s a lawyer as the executor, just talk to them or don’t worry about it.

PS I also think people are being really unfair to the OP. Spouses divvy up financial management responsibilities differently, and she’s also a parent of beneficiaries. Inheritances are like other assets and you have to be diligent.

But I don’t think you should argue with the sister about it because that doesn’t do anything. Just contact the executor and ask for copies of anything you’re entitled to see and/or for a meeting to review.

Last thing, it’s really helpful imo to share the details of your estate plan and the documents with your adult children. There’s no reason why anyone needs to be in the dark unless they’re in a personal crisis or something. Just because inheritance involves someone dying doesn’t mean it needs to be secretive.

I totally agree with this. Some people feel very awkward about money and some people don’t want a large inheritance to influence their children’s’ work ethics. I understand the latter as a parent myself but it’s short sighted and creates a lot of confusion.

OP, your husband did you a disservice by asking you to fill in for him on the call. If my husband had asked me to do that I would have told him that he needed to be on the call and that if he couldn’t make it he should ask for it to be rescheduled. Your husband should call the lawyer and ask if he is confused. My husband’s parents have a large estate worth millions and even though they have included me in some discussions about it I make a point to let my husband ask questions. I may say “you should ask XYZ because of ABC” but I don’t ask myself and I would never get on a call in his place.

I understand some would not include want to discuss it with their in-laws but we aren’t like that. He’s just as included in my family and my husband writes my mother’s bills for her because her eyes are bad. I have been included in the estate planning for years. They have given me a check for the tax gift exemption along with my husband and two children every year for 20 years. When the federal tax estate was temporarily repealed around 2010 they gave us $400,000 (both our names). When the estate tax returned they went back to the estate gift tax exemption every year and gave each of us a separate check.

I explained to him about the marital bypass trust and the family trust will be partially funded as soon as they gather the assets. His sister tells him the opposite which is why he’s confused.

I know I’m right but I was hoping there might be experts who could chime in. Not so many know nothings talking about greed and leave it to my husband like it’s 1955. Thank you for the posters who tried to help in a civil way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have a trust in which my sister and I immediately get money after the first parent dies. It’s a sizable estate with plenty left over for the remaining parent to live on. They have a good trust attorney who set it up.

This is what people aren’t understanding. When it’s a sizable estate it’s not as simple as everything goes to surviving spouse.

I was in the conference call because my husband asked me to do it and explain it to hm. We have the copies of everything.

It sounds like your parents have a taxable estate exactly like I’m talking about and in order to avoid massive taxes issue get some assets right away.

Not necessarily. Some trusts have additional limitations that the grantor places on beneficiaries accessing the assets. The trustee would know these limits, so if OP's husband wants to know, he should ask the trustee politely, not demand documents.

You can always challenge those limitations in court, but the trust will be paying for that, so...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there’s a lawyer as the executor, just talk to them or don’t worry about it.

PS I also think people are being really unfair to the OP. Spouses divvy up financial management responsibilities differently, and she’s also a parent of beneficiaries. Inheritances are like other assets and you have to be diligent.

But I don’t think you should argue with the sister about it because that doesn’t do anything. Just contact the executor and ask for copies of anything you’re entitled to see and/or for a meeting to review.

Last thing, it’s really helpful imo to share the details of your estate plan and the documents with your adult children. There’s no reason why anyone needs to be in the dark unless they’re in a personal crisis or something. Just because inheritance involves someone dying doesn’t mean it needs to be secretive.

I totally agree with this. Some people feel very awkward about money and some people don’t want a large inheritance to influence their children’s’ work ethics. I understand the latter as a parent myself but it’s short sighted and creates a lot of confusion.

OP, your husband did you a disservice by asking you to fill in for him on the call. If my husband had asked me to do that I would have told him that he needed to be on the call and that if he couldn’t make it he should ask for it to be rescheduled. Your husband should call the lawyer and ask if he is confused. My husband’s parents have a large estate worth millions and even though they have included me in some discussions about it I make a point to let my husband ask questions. I may say “you should ask XYZ because of ABC” but I don’t ask myself and I would never get on a call in his place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be highly unusual for the funds not to go to the spouse first.

This.

That’s how our trust is set up, which makes sense in case the other spouse has long term serious health expenses . Then the estate passes in trust to the kids, divided equally

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe let your husband handle it.

Yes, let your husband handle stuff with his family unless he is not of sound mind. And definitely don’t act too aggressive about the inheritance while your MIL is alive.

Too late for that. That much is a done deal.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe let your husband handle it.

Yes, let your husband handle stuff with his family unless he is not of sound mind. And definitely don’t act too aggressive about the inheritance while your MIL is alive.

Anonymous wrote:Also, don't say anything to them or your husband about this. Let them figure it out and sit this one out.

If your husband starts asking for docs, it will create more drama than you have ever seen, and possibly for no reason at all. It's also the kind of drama that a family never recovers from.

If this happens, your family was already super dysfunctional. I’ve seen this in my extended family. It’s not the estate that causes the problem, it was already there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents have a trust in which my sister and I immediately get money after the first parent dies. It’s a sizable estate with plenty left over for the remaining parent to live on. They have a good trust attorney who set it up.

This is what people aren’t understanding. When it’s a sizable estate it’s not as simple as everything goes to surviving spouse.

I was in the conference call because my husband asked me to do it and explain it to hm. We have the copies of everything.

It sounds like your parents have a taxable estate exactly like I’m talking about and in order to avoid massive taxes issue get some assets right away.

The answer to your question will depend on the trust documents. Your dh should ask the attorney to explain the trust and how it works to him.

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, greed isn’t good. Simply ask your husband to request that the attorney provide an interpretation of the trust which are confusing at best. And save yourself some grief by not saying it isn’t fair. My parents have trusts and they had their attorney provide us with a very simple how the trust works letter.

I didn’t say it wasn’t fair. I attended the conference call because my husband asked me to. We have the documents which the attorney sent to both of us by email.

Do your parents have a taxable estate? If not it’s totally different.

Anonymous wrote:My parents have a trust in which my sister and I immediately get money after the first parent dies. It’s a sizable estate with plenty left over for the remaining parent to live on. They have a good trust attorney who set it up.

This is what people aren’t understanding. When it’s a sizable estate it’s not as simple as everything goes to surviving spouse.

I was in the conference call because my husband asked me to do it and explain it to hm. We have the copies of everything.

It sounds like your parents have a taxable estate exactly like I’m talking about and in order to avoid massive taxes issue get some assets right away.

Yikes, greed isn’t good. Simply ask your husband to request that the attorney provide an interpretation of the trust which are confusing at best. And save yourself some grief by not saying it isn’t fair. My parents have trusts and they had their attorney provide us with a very simple how the trust works letter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being unfair to OP. I think it is reasonable to try to understand how the trusts work. If my husband’s parents had a trust, I might be the one explaining it to him. It doesn’t mean I am in a hurry to get his parent’s money. Of course, it depends on the family dynamic, but why assume the worst.

This. I thought the estate went to the spouse first, but am not familiar with the types of trusts involved here. OP and her DH have legitimate questions.

That's a living trust/will/POA situation that is standard if you use an estate planning attorney around here.

That’s only is you have a non taxable estate. That’s not the case here

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a very small family. One sister, parents. His father just died leaving a marital deduction trust, or bypass trust, and a family trust with percentages created for both children and four grandchildren.

My husband’s sister is mostly talking with the attorney named as executor of the Will. She keeps telling us that no one gets money until their mother dies. I told her that was inaccurate and that the family trusts will be funded with the assets that didn’t go into the marital trust and should be available once funded. Am I wrong?

If the sister is getting this info from the attorney dealing with the estate I don't know why you would know better than her. I would assume she is conveying the correct info and stay out of it.

FWIW, my dad died last year and he and mom had trusts, of which I don't know the specific details (since I'm not the executor), but I have no expectation of receiving any inheritance until my mom dies.

If there wasn’t a bypass trust I understand that you wouldn’t.