Anonymous wrote:For all of human history, one’s parents had a say in spouse selection. Our culture thinks a horny 24 year old can navigate the complexity of selecting a lifelong partner, and it doesn’t work.

And for most people, the options were limited to people in communities that were small enough that you and your parents would know a potential spouse and their family quite well.

Before marriage couples should be put on a deserted island for a month to see if they survive the experience and each other.

Anonymous wrote:For all of human history, one’s parents had a say in spouse selection. Our culture thinks a horny 24 year old can navigate the complexity of selecting a lifelong partner, and it doesn’t work.

If my parents had chosen a partner for me I would've been absolutely miserable. As it was I chose someone that was too much like my father and guess what - divorced!

Anonymous wrote:For all of human history, one’s parents had a say in spouse selection. Our culture thinks a horny 24 year old can navigate the complexity of selecting a lifelong partner, and it doesn’t work.

Well, if a person isn't eligible to pick his/her partner, they aren't eligible to get married either. By 24, most people know it better what they want in a partner than their parents does.

Anonymous wrote:For all of human history, one’s parents had a say in spouse selection. Our culture thinks a horny 24 year old can navigate the complexity of selecting a lifelong partner, and it doesn’t work.

And married couples have been universally happy for all of human history?

Divorce is so common because women can earn money and own property.

“Love is blind and marriage is an eye opener!”. That’s part of the problem. I was very lucky that my husband and I were very good friends for a few years before we became a couple so my eyes were very wide open. I knew his family, I saw how he treated a girl friend, and I knew just about every thing about him except was he good in bed. Thankfully he was and still is. 26 years later I certainly know him better and there haven’t been any bad surprises.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you look at number of broken, unhappy and troubled marriages, it seems either majority of humans are either bad people, bad partners themselves or bad at picking partners.

ALL of us are imperfect, and yet most of us think we deserve a perfect partner and a fairy tale marriage. So we project our fantasies onto someone with a few admirable qualities, and then when we discover their flaws, we have the gall to feel resentful and justified in our own crappy behavior.

The majority of humans are not bad people, but the majority of humans do lack humility and fail to practice gratitude.

+1. I think people need to think more about teaching their children to BE a good partner, not just choosing a good partner. You need both.

For all of human history, one’s parents had a say in spouse selection. Our culture thinks a horny 24 year old can navigate the complexity of selecting a lifelong partner, and it doesn’t work.