If it’s a Monday meeting I might say “did everyone have a good weekend” and someone might chip in or I’ll briefly rag on one of our local sports teams. Then we get on to business. Personal stuff is off limits because it can lead to going down a rabbit hole.

Anonymous wrote:If I was really honest about what I’ve been up to in a Zoom meeting, I would tell everyone all about the crazy thread I just read on DCUM.

Haha I wish we could because I would actually bond with you more than the “ah yes, I also enjoy fall weather and apple cider” talk!

Just say I'm enjoying the season and this weather and someone else will chime in and the conversation will shift away from you

Is there a way to pivot it to work-related talk quickly so people feel like you are "sharing" but it doesn't have to be anything personal? "E.g., I just rested and relaxed, felt like I needed to get my energy up because we have the Johnson negotiation coming up this week. I'm feeling pretty good about our positions because XYZ, but there are some lingering concerns around ABC," etc etc until you've said enough.

Anonymous wrote:I am the manager in this situation and I hate it too. What would you prefer instead as an ice breaker? My team actively asks for icebreakers and something like a happy hour for like 5 min after our meetings. I saw an increase in work interactions too once my team started getting to know each other. I only do this once a week. How can it be more painful? I'd say that 3/4 the team LOVES these and 1/4 seems pained by it.

You can just make something up or mention the weather every week. One of my employees talks about recipes they're making nonstop. Everyone likes hearing about it.

My team does show and tells (e.g. I'm teleworking from my mom's house so I can take her to a doctor's appointment and look at this crazy thing I found in my childhood bedroom) and a quick puzzle/game/contest once a week. Voluntary but most people participate at least sometimes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say something like "enjoyed the nice weather this weekend" or "caught up on laundry." You don't need ot announce you discovered your husband has been having an affair with your sister.

OP: An icebreaker I can handle but my issue is feeling forced to respond in our weekly meetings! Furthermore the sense I get is the responses should be cheery or exciting. No one wants to be the person who says, “I did laundry.” And since folks get asked specifically there’s no way to opt out if you’re not on the best mental space.

Just say, “I was boring and did laundry all weekend” no one wants to know more about boring things.

For all of you private people who don't like to talk about your personal lives or interests, just be aware that the alternative if management does not feel enough participation from the staff is that they start to mandate RTO or at least hybrid working conditions.

I've worked with many people who don't like any of the bonding exercises and only want to work remote. These people often feel no commitment to the work and are only in it to do their work until clock out time and then they are done. Even those who are good workers, but less invested in their jobs or the mission often are short timers or don't get promoted outside of their existing jobs. It obviously isn't a hard and fast rule, but more introverted people often end up getting passed over and eventually feel the need to leave because they aren't appreciated.

Anonymous wrote:What would you all do for small icebreakers with a team of 6? All are shy, but are interested in each other and want to be friendly. If there is no icebreaker, no one would naturally speak.

Start with basics like favorite food. Or very broad things that are easy for people to say a lot or a little - like favorite summer activity. People can say “swimming” and keep it at that if they don’t really want to participate or share something that has more of a back story (eg their annual summer vacation and details about it)

Agree the forced Q&A is cringe OP.
Comment on sports. Local, national, your college team.
We tend to just let folks chat informally for the 1st 5 min. or so as people log on (some log on early to catch up with others) and it is not formal or required. Some quietly listen/wait until meeting begins.

I always say something bland like going to a new playground with my kids.

Anonymous wrote:I am an over-sharer like a PP but agree that I don't like forcing people to respond. This is the conundrum with remote work that everyone talks about, how we don't feel connected to each other and the casual pre-meeting chit chat doesn't happen.

I personally like hearing that you spent the weekend at your child's music competition, or you and your spouse hiked Old Rag, or even that you're in mourning because the Commanders lost. It's some tiny piece of humanity that makes for three-dimensional colleagues. I don't want to be your best friend, but if we work together 40+hrs per week, knowing a bit about each other can make our working relationship stronger.

This is it exactly.

I tend to err on the side of fewer team building questions because I used to manage an employee who felt VERY strongly that it was none of anyone's business, but I prefer one that aren't personal. Less "share something about you" and more "what do you think of when you think of X?" or "share a picture or song."

If I was really honest about what I’ve been up to in a Zoom meeting, I would tell everyone all about the crazy thread I just read on DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say something like "enjoyed the nice weather this weekend" or "caught up on laundry." You don't need ot announce you discovered your husband has been having an affair with your sister.

OP: An icebreaker I can handle but my issue is feeling forced to respond in our weekly meetings! Furthermore the sense I get is the responses should be cheery or exciting. No one wants to be the person who says, “I did laundry.” And since folks get asked specifically there’s no way to opt out if you’re not on the best mental space.

Why not? If you think the whole exercise is stupid, why does it matter if you just did laundry?

As for the "being forced to respond" issue, consider talking to your manager and saying that you would be more comfortable if people were encouraged to volunteer but not called on by name.

None of what you describe would bother me, including telling the meeting "I did a lot of laundry this weekend" if that's what happened. You sound insecure.

Nobody wants to be judged as the boring one.

Lol! I'm not boring at all. I'm just private. Nobody at work needs to know about my weekend in Berlin, my pole-dancing classes, my one night stand with a famous actor, etc. This is just my job. So you'll hear about my laundry and seeing a a toddler give an old man a flower because that's boring and impersonal.

Anonymous wrote:It’s dumb, but really not hard to give a canned response and move on.

I do this as does almost everyone else on our calls. Focus on being very brief so we can move on to the topic at hand. (There IS a topic for the call? RIGHT, Sam?)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't love it.

Better to have an organic conversation, or let people do this in smaller breakout rooms if they want (built in time for natural conversation), or do a low-stakes and non-embarrassing ice breaker such as "find something you all have in common."

I am an over-sharer, but for some reason I hate these questions. They feel so pressured and forced. Calling people out individually is not cool.

No small breakout rooms. I wish those were banned

+1 Breakout rooms are so awkward.