Child of immigrants here whose parents had no know how or bandwidth to arrange playdates, growing up most of the times I was invited was when it was whole class. Grateful for those generous families who let me feel included! Also shoutout to the PTA moms who taught me how to roller skate at school events. There were some dud snobbish parents but I do appreciate all of ones who coached our teams and help run our clubs when my parents were just trying to figure out how to survive in America.

Anonymous wrote:Some kids are jerks and just don't deserve to be invited. I'm sorry but not sorry..... Just like I would not invite all of my co-workers. If I was hosting a party, why would I make my child invite people they do not like or who are mean to them?.... That makes no sense

Wow! You sound like a gem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I forgot to mention the out of control kid has nasty parents who have been rude to me, and the kid is often inappropriate in class, picks fights with my DS, etc:

Teach your kid how to deal with him and step out of playground politics.

I sincerely hope you mean teach your child to verbalize to the other child what they want/need and if that doesn't work find an adult to help. Hopefully one of the playground monitors can help, but if not, kids should keep asking adults for help until they get it. That adult could be a parent.

That's a more verbose way to articulate what I meant. I don't think the parents should be involved, except very much behind the scenes, i.e., don't contact the other parents, don't not invite the kids, don't respond to bad behavior with bad behavior, etc. Do hold your ground and teach your kid to hold his. Do instruct your son what to say if.... and what to do if.... don't do those things for your kid. Do ask how it went when he does handle it, etc.

Anonymous wrote:We did all girls last year for K, never again, 15 people with most parents dropping off is just too chaotic. This year younger DD invited her friends in K from the bus stop and one girl from church that is in another class. 7 girls total was a manageable number in our house.

What did you do as an activity? And was it indoors or out? We have only dropped off at 1 at home party and it looked hectic! But there were older siblings and looked like other family to help.

We did all girls last year for K, never again, 15 people with most parents dropping off is just too chaotic. This year younger DD invited her friends in K from the bus stop and one girl from church that is in another class. 7 girls total was a manageable number in our house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always invited the whole class plus friends from the other class. This year my shy DD said only girls or no party. I'm still trying to help her socially, so I invited all the girls in the entire grade. I felt bad, because there are some nice boys too, but she made a choice.

I draw a hard line, everyone or no party. So far my DS hasn’t had a party in three years. I’d rather be over inclusive than have a sliver of exclusivity.

I feel like this is a joke post making fun of SJW-types. No way an actual parent is this nuts and insensitive.

Some kids are jerks and just don't deserve to be invited. I'm sorry but not sorry..... Just like I would not invite all of my co-workers. If I was hosting a party, why would I make my child invite people they do not like or who are mean to them?.... That makes no sense

I can’t afford to host a whole class party for each of my kids. I’m sorry but that’s just way too expensive—30 kids in the class plus what if their parents stay and what if their parents bring siblings. We’re talking potentially 60-75 people! And my kids have winter bdays so we need an indoor venue. If they had summer bdays and we could have it at a park/playground, then I can imagine inviting the whole class.

As it is we let our kids invite 8-10 kids and it’s a mix of kids from different classes at school, different activities, neighborhood friends. We’d never do something like invite all the boys except 2 or all the class except 3 or whatever exclusionary thing you could imagine. For example, my son has 13 boys in his class including himself. His bday is next month and he’s inviting 4 boys from his class, 2 from the other class in his grade, 2 from his sport team, and 1 neighbor friend. I know there’s potential for some kid to feel left out and I don’t like that so we have been strict about saying he can’t talk about his party at school and we won’t distribute invitations at school. But there are tons of parties my son hears about and is not invited to and I think that’s just something kids need to learn: they won’t get invited to everything.

My child makes the guest list so we invite 7-9 kids. We might suggest a kid or two but it is up to him who we invite. We have done this since K.

Whole class parties sound great but are expensive. DS knows that there are parties he is not invited to because he is not a good friend of the kid and that is fine.

The whole class party invites stopped in K. There has only been one kid in his class who invites everyone to his party. DS chooses not to go because he is not a friend of the kid and doesn’t like being around him at school.

I understand the idea of inviting everyone in a class and would never invite most of a class and exclude a couple. But I think it is fine to have a small party. I am not going to try to coordinate 20+ kids from current class plus friends from previous years not in current class, plus all the neighbor families plus local cousins for a 1st grade party. With parents and siblings this is starting to get to something like 75 people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I forgot to mention the out of control kid has nasty parents who have been rude to me, and the kid is often inappropriate in class, picks fights with my DS, etc:

Teach your kid how to deal with him and step out of playground politics.

I sincerely hope you mean teach your child to verbalize to the other child what they want/need and if that doesn't work find an adult to help. Hopefully one of the playground monitors can help, but if not, kids should keep asking adults for help until they get it. That adult could be a parent.

I have a shy DS in a grade where it seems like half the parents have known each other since preschool. But they still do all class/gender parties and I am very thankful for that. Definitely understand this won't continue forever but it buys him time to learn to socialize and make his own friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please teach your kid appropriate party manners. Two weeks ago we had my DD's birthday party at our house. The next day the housekeeper and I were scrubbing the floors and walls for HOURS. Kids (mostly boys) tore down decorations, they took food from the food area (outside) and brought it inside and ground it into the floor, walls, baseboards (??), throw rugs, door stoppers, etc.

Kept trying to go all around the house even though only the first floor was open to party attendees (there was a bathroom on that floor) and we had a closed door at the top of the steps.

We told parents they were welcome to drop off or stay as they wished. Most stayed. Most kids were wonderfully behaved. But the few who weren't were really awful, including the two who knocked my 3 yr old on his ass in their haste to get cupcakes.

It sounds like you needed more structure and adults supervising. This is why I'd never do it at my house. We found a few venues that charged per venue not number of kids so we could invite almost everyone.

+1

Sorry you and your housekeeper were left with such a mess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree!

Being kind, inclusive, and welcoming is one of the very few parenting hills I am willing to die on.

This!

+2 But after a certain age, it’s necessary to exclude the wrong crowd.

+1
It also becomes impossible to include everyone in MS because they switch classes and there are more kids in the grade.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always invited the whole class plus friends from the other class. This year my shy DD said only girls or no party. I'm still trying to help her socially, so I invited all the girls in the entire grade. I felt bad, because there are some nice boys too, but she made a choice.

I draw a hard line, everyone or no party. So far my DS hasn’t had a party in three years. I’d rather be over inclusive than have a sliver of exclusivity.

You are effing nuts and not teaching your kid what you think you are.

+1
The kid is learning "my way or no way" in a nut shell.