Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 16:22     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:Ew, boy moms are not helpful to tomorrow's society are they.


Generalize much?
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 16:21     Subject: Re:Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:Our family therapist said to leave the kids room alone. Don't clean it. It was painful but that is what I did. He also did his own laundry which was painful.

But by sophomore year of college he kept a clean room.

We never punished him for not being clean or nagged him.

Every blue moon he would give me a shirt or pants to throw in with my clothes but that was about it.

He is also an athlete (also plays in college) and it's really hard to "do it all", but he has the right to prioritize his life.


Your family therapist isn’t very bright, unless you want roaches or rodents in the rest of your house.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 16:15     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DS has ADHD. He’s also an athlete who practices 2-3 hours 6-7 days per week. He’s busy.

I wash and iron his clothes, get up in the morning to make breakfast, pack his lunch and drive him to school (because bus comes way too early).

He’s a nice kid.

But . . . He’s a slob and disorganized to the point that he has trouble functioning.

He hides food in his room. I bought one of those hotel wraps that you use like a bed skirt but it’s stiff so he can’t put bowls under his bed. I mean for years I’d find food under there and this was the only solution. He still puts candy wrappers, tissues, expensive asthma inhalers that are full and sometimes his Invisalign (why under the bed). He has a walk in closet and his own bathroom. Plenty of storage.

Today I found a $100 bill my mom gave him just pushed under the bed too.

He isn’t allowed a hamper in his room because he’d hide food in there and when he was too lazy to put the clothes I ironed away, he’d dump the ironed clothes in the tall hamper over the bowls.

He is always saying he used up his inhaler or has no underwear. Well I know just where to look.

Last year I asked him to put away the clothes on his floor - a bunch of new Vineyard Vines things I bought for back to school months prior. He never did. In December, I picked them up, wrapped them and gave them as Christmas presents. 10 months later, he has no idea.

I get it that I should be grateful he’s not doing drugs but he refuses all help for ADHD and says he’s too busy for chores (he does a few of them in summer and just weekends though)

How can I get him to just put money in a safe place, not hide food under his bed and to value what he has?

I don’t think he can handle a job with school and sports but I know that would help this aspect of his life.

Is this normal?


WTF? Who is the parent? Is his name on the mortgage?
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 16:14     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DS has ADHD. He’s also an athlete who practices 2-3 hours 6-7 days per week. He’s busy.

I wash and iron his clothes, get up in the morning to make breakfast, pack his lunch and drive him to school (because bus comes way too early).

He’s a nice kid.

But . . . He’s a slob and disorganized to the point that he has trouble functioning.

He hides food in his room. I bought one of those hotel wraps that you use like a bed skirt but it’s stiff so he can’t put bowls under his bed. I mean for years I’d find food under there and this was the only solution. He still puts candy wrappers, tissues, expensive asthma inhalers that are full and sometimes his Invisalign (why under the bed). He has a walk in closet and his own bathroom. Plenty of storage.

Today I found a $100 bill my mom gave him just pushed under the bed too.

He isn’t allowed a hamper in his room because he’d hide food in there and when he was too lazy to put the clothes I ironed away, he’d dump the ironed clothes in the tall hamper over the bowls.

He is always saying he used up his inhaler or has no underwear. Well I know just where to look.

Last year I asked him to put away the clothes on his floor - a bunch of new Vineyard Vines things I bought for back to school months prior. He never did. In December, I picked them up, wrapped them and gave them as Christmas presents. 10 months later, he has no idea.

I get it that I should be grateful he’s not doing drugs but he refuses all help for ADHD and says he’s too busy for chores (he does a few of them in summer and just weekends though)

How can I get him to just put money in a safe place, not hide food under his bed and to value what he has?

I don’t think he can handle a job with school and sports but I know that would help this aspect of his life.

Is this normal?


I could’ve written this post. My 17 year old does every single thing you mentioned and exhibits the exact behavior. His pillow covers also make their way to under the bed. I really don’t know why stuff is always under his bed. I recently had him evaluated for ADHD, and hoping medications might help.


Take away bed frame and put mattress on the floor. Take away all furniture and make him hang all his clothes. If clothes aren’t hung up/put in hamper they get thrown away.


How about starting by teaching the skills? People do not come by these habits naturally, and it takes very explicit teaching over a period of time.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 16:11     Subject: Re:Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our family therapist said to leave the kids room alone. Don't clean it. It was painful but that is what I did. He also did his own laundry which was painful.

But by sophomore year of college he kept a clean room.

We never punished him for not being clean or nagged him.

Every blue moon he would give me a shirt or pants to throw in with my clothes but that was about it.

He is also an athlete (also plays in college) and it's really hard to "do it all", but he has the right to prioritize his life.


That won’t work with an ADHD kid. You need to show them (many times) how exactly things need to be done.

The poster with the photo idea is spot on.


He's ADHD, has dyslexia, OCPD and Tourette's... so yes, you can.

You can put the picture up and go over steps to clean for learning, and make a checklist, but the punishment part isn't going to work.


There was no punishment in that list. Just teaching and helping until a habit forms.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 15:18     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Is he medicated? C'mon OP
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 15:17     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
OP, so not normal.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 15:08     Subject: Re:Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Is he "hiding food" because you give him a hard time if he eats more (or more often) than you think he should? (The average DCUM mom seems to be on a permanent 1000 calorie a day diet and i know some ofbyou "close" your kitchens). Let him eat freely in areas that are more appropriate for eating so he doesn't have to hide stuff in his room

I would get on him about losing the inhalers - maybe have him keep them in a designated place outside his room.

Let him experience the natural consequences of having his clothes be a mess.

I would occasionally do a forced cleaning with my ADHD DS just to remind him how much easier it is to function (like maybe twice a year). It would usually help for awhile.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 14:36     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DS has ADHD. He’s also an athlete who practices 2-3 hours 6-7 days per week. He’s busy.

I wash and iron his clothes, get up in the morning to make breakfast, pack his lunch and drive him to school (because bus comes way too early).

He’s a nice kid.

But . . . He’s a slob and disorganized to the point that he has trouble functioning.

He hides food in his room. I bought one of those hotel wraps that you use like a bed skirt but it’s stiff so he can’t put bowls under his bed. I mean for years I’d find food under there and this was the only solution. He still puts candy wrappers, tissues, expensive asthma inhalers that are full and sometimes his Invisalign (why under the bed). He has a walk in closet and his own bathroom. Plenty of storage.

Today I found a $100 bill my mom gave him just pushed under the bed too.

He isn’t allowed a hamper in his room because he’d hide food in there and when he was too lazy to put the clothes I ironed away, he’d dump the ironed clothes in the tall hamper over the bowls.

He is always saying he used up his inhaler or has no underwear. Well I know just where to look.

Last year I asked him to put away the clothes on his floor - a bunch of new Vineyard Vines things I bought for back to school months prior. He never did. In December, I picked them up, wrapped them and gave them as Christmas presents. 10 months later, he has no idea.

I get it that I should be grateful he’s not doing drugs but he refuses all help for ADHD and says he’s too busy for chores (he does a few of them in summer and just weekends though)

How can I get him to just put money in a safe place, not hide food under his bed and to value what he has?

I don’t think he can handle a job with school and sports but I know that would help this aspect of his life.

Is this normal?


I could’ve written this post. My 17 year old does every single thing you mentioned and exhibits the exact behavior. His pillow covers also make their way to under the bed. I really don’t know why stuff is always under his bed. I recently had him evaluated for ADHD, and hoping medications might help.


Take away bed frame and put mattress on the floor. Take away all furniture and make him hang all his clothes. If clothes aren’t hung up/put in hamper they get thrown away.


You really need to be evaluated.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 14:35     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:I would set a timer and for twenty minutes a day that he has to clean his room. Stand in the doorway. If he refuses you will pull him from his sport. This is a hygiene/health issue like teeth brushing, you can’t let this keep sliding.


Okay psycho.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 14:34     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, could you share more about what you are ironing?


DP. He may be in a private school with a uniform. I also ironed my son's uniform through HS.

I'm fine with messy. Dirty/filthy is a different story for me. I like the idea of sitting down and tackling it together on the weekend. I don't think you need to throw out everything except for a few essentials, the kid isn't in prison. But get it back to clean and tidy and maybe there are some things he doesn't want anymore and can be donated. Let him know from now on he has to spend an hour (or 90 min) a weekend, no going out with friends or whatever he does socially or to blow off steam, until it's picked up and cleaned up each week.


Mine were in private and they just went to school wrinkled, who cares. Jeez!
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 14:29     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DS has ADHD. He’s also an athlete who practices 2-3 hours 6-7 days per week. He’s busy.

I wash and iron his clothes, get up in the morning to make breakfast, pack his lunch and drive him to school (because bus comes way too early).

He’s a nice kid.

But . . . He’s a slob and disorganized to the point that he has trouble functioning.

He hides food in his room. I bought one of those hotel wraps that you use like a bed skirt but it’s stiff so he can’t put bowls under his bed. I mean for years I’d find food under there and this was the only solution. He still puts candy wrappers, tissues, expensive asthma inhalers that are full and sometimes his Invisalign (why under the bed). He has a walk in closet and his own bathroom. Plenty of storage.

Today I found a $100 bill my mom gave him just pushed under the bed too.

He isn’t allowed a hamper in his room because he’d hide food in there and when he was too lazy to put the clothes I ironed away, he’d dump the ironed clothes in the tall hamper over the bowls.

He is always saying he used up his inhaler or has no underwear. Well I know just where to look.

Last year I asked him to put away the clothes on his floor - a bunch of new Vineyard Vines things I bought for back to school months prior. He never did. In December, I picked them up, wrapped them and gave them as Christmas presents. 10 months later, he has no idea.

I get it that I should be grateful he’s not doing drugs but he refuses all help for ADHD and says he’s too busy for chores (he does a few of them in summer and just weekends though)

How can I get him to just put money in a safe place, not hide food under his bed and to value what he has?

I don’t think he can handle a job with school and sports but I know that would help this aspect of his life.

Is this normal?


I could’ve written this post. My 17 year old does every single thing you mentioned and exhibits the exact behavior. His pillow covers also make their way to under the bed. I really don’t know why stuff is always under his bed. I recently had him evaluated for ADHD, and hoping medications might help.


Take away bed frame and put mattress on the floor. Take away all furniture and make him hang all his clothes. If clothes aren’t hung up/put in hamper they get thrown away.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 14:25     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
I feel for you. My 15 yo poor executive functioning kid is similar to your son though perhaps a little better (no dishes!). He is also an athlete and is always racing around which I think contributes to the mess. I wish I had good advice. I want him to be responsible for his own room and deal with the consequences but the fact is the filth only bothers me. He doesn’t hide food under his bed or in the hamper but he definitely brings snacks/candy up even though I’ve asked him not to. His floor is almost completely covered by a combination of wrappers, bottles and dirty clothing. He has school papers mixed in as well. He does do his own laundry which is a huge positive but he just won’t store the dirty where it belongs or put his clean clothing away. Sometimes I dump the clean clothes on his bed so he will have to do it before he goes to sleep but often that means he just tosses the heap on his dresser which is already covered in a mountain of toiletries, soccer accessories, etc. Don’t even get me started on the closet. And the artificial turf pellets. I break down a few times a year and clean it while he’s at school but it gets me really irritated. I’ve tried to get him to work with me so he can develop better organization but he always insists he doesn’t want to make work for me and he will do better. And then he really does clean it up and it looks better for about a 3-4 days. He is really the sweetest kid in all other respects but I feel terrible for his future college roommate.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 14:21     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old DS has ADHD. He’s also an athlete who practices 2-3 hours 6-7 days per week. He’s busy.

I wash and iron his clothes, get up in the morning to make breakfast, pack his lunch and drive him to school (because bus comes way too early).

He’s a nice kid.

But . . . He’s a slob and disorganized to the point that he has trouble functioning.

He hides food in his room. I bought one of those hotel wraps that you use like a bed skirt but it’s stiff so he can’t put bowls under his bed. I mean for years I’d find food under there and this was the only solution. He still puts candy wrappers, tissues, expensive asthma inhalers that are full and sometimes his Invisalign (why under the bed). He has a walk in closet and his own bathroom. Plenty of storage.

Today I found a $100 bill my mom gave him just pushed under the bed too.

He isn’t allowed a hamper in his room because he’d hide food in there and when he was too lazy to put the clothes I ironed away, he’d dump the ironed clothes in the tall hamper over the bowls.

He is always saying he used up his inhaler or has no underwear. Well I know just where to look.

Last year I asked him to put away the clothes on his floor - a bunch of new Vineyard Vines things I bought for back to school months prior. He never did. In December, I picked them up, wrapped them and gave them as Christmas presents. 10 months later, he has no idea.

I get it that I should be grateful he’s not doing drugs but he refuses all help for ADHD and says he’s too busy for chores (he does a few of them in summer and just weekends though)

How can I get him to just put money in a safe place, not hide food under his bed and to value what he has?

I don’t think he can handle a job with school and sports but I know that would help this aspect of his life.

Is this normal?


I could’ve written this post. My 17 year old does every single thing you mentioned and exhibits the exact behavior. His pillow covers also make their way to under the bed. I really don’t know why stuff is always under his bed. I recently had him evaluated for ADHD, and hoping medications might help.
Anonymous
Post 09/28/2023 14:21     Subject: Teenage boy’s room is disgusting
Anonymous wrote:OP, could you share more about what you are ironing?


DP. He may be in a private school with a uniform. I also ironed my son's uniform through HS.

I'm fine with messy. Dirty/filthy is a different story for me. I like the idea of sitting down and tackling it together on the weekend. I don't think you need to throw out everything except for a few essentials, the kid isn't in prison. But get it back to clean and tidy and maybe there are some things he doesn't want anymore and can be donated. Let him know from now on he has to spend an hour (or 90 min) a weekend, no going out with friends or whatever he does socially or to blow off steam, until it's picked up and cleaned up each week.