Anonymous
09/27/2023 14:58
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She’s 17, not 7. You need to have a conversation about it. This isn’t a situation where you can say the wrong thing and ruin everything.
Her body may just be different from yours. There’s nothing she can’t do as a size 12, including play sports.
Or there’s something wrong medically and/or eating-wise.
It’s 99.5% out of your hands. She’s nearly an adult and it’s her body. So just have a conversation about it and wrap your head around it being mostly out of your control for more than one reason.
np I couldn't disagree more. I'm sure the dd has eyes and knows she has gained weight. As an almost an adult she doesn't need her parents to shame her about her weight. Let the doctor take the lead. Say nothing. If she brings it up than you can mention something but, do not make it an issue.
For background history and why I am sensitive about weight: My mom was always harping on my weight. Look if telling someone that they need to lose weight actually helped people lose weight we would all be skinny. It does not. It is very hurtful to believe that your parents seem not to love you because of how you look. My mom always said it was "about my health" but, that was a lie. My mom is extreme case but, if you value your relationship tread very very carefully.
+1. I would really tread very carefully about this. Some of the comments you’ve made are very hurtful, like the idea that you bought her size 10-12 clothes that you consider “temporary” as though that size isn’t allowed to be her permanent size or anything and that it’s outside of what could be considered normal. Of course you should take her to get checked and see if there is something medical going on that requires treatment (other posters have given examples). But there are others who do not have other health conditions other than our bodies just have stockier shapes and set points just as some people have various other body characteristics that just exist like being more hairy or having short nailbeds or flat feet or food allergies. But somehow weight is something we judge and shame people about as though it’s entirely in their control and we all start from the same place (we don’t).
OP here. You've completely misconstrued my post. NEVER did i say that I told my daughter that buying larger clothing was a "temporary" fix. In my mind it is. I have never, ever, ever said it out loud to my kid or implied it or anything of the sort.
Leave it to DCUM to misconstrue a post, assume the worst about something and then chastise the poster about it.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 14:22
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
I'm 5'7", but I gain weight really quickly if I eat even just a little bit junky (like cheese on a sandwich or salad). It is possible that the end of puberty quickly dropped how many calories she needs, and that even just an extra 300 calories a day quickly affected her weight.
She also could be off level for a vitamin, mineral, amino acid etc that is affecting her system overall.
I find it best to not preach regular meals based on a clock. Balanced food intake overall, but if she eats a decent breakfast, don't eat lunch just because its lunchtime, wait until hungry. 3 meals might not be best for her, maybe she wants 2 slightly bigger meals and that timing works better.
She also could be off level for a vitamin, mineral, amino acid etc that is affecting her system overall.
I find it best to not preach regular meals based on a clock. Balanced food intake overall, but if she eats a decent breakfast, don't eat lunch just because its lunchtime, wait until hungry. 3 meals might not be best for her, maybe she wants 2 slightly bigger meals and that timing works better.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 14:21
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
First of all 5 "4" is average for female in the USA, 5 "2" is average for many 3rd world countries.
All the PP are right, taken her to the doctor asap, blood work for TSH panel and vitamin "D" level.
Now DD happens to be DS, maybe he is working out and taking Protein shake?
Those things make you gain fast!
All the PP are right, taken her to the doctor asap, blood work for TSH panel and vitamin "D" level.
Now DD happens to be DS, maybe he is working out and taking Protein shake?
Those things make you gain fast!
Anonymous
09/27/2023 14:11
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
She could easily be using edibles in her room or at school. No smell. Weight gain.
https://foothillsatredoak.com/teen-recovery-blog/dangers-of-marijuana-edibles
I'd look through her room.
https://foothillsatredoak.com/teen-recovery-blog/dangers-of-marijuana-edibles
I'd look through her room.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 14:09
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My niece gained a ton of weight her jr/sr years when's he started smoking weed and always had the munchies. Easily 30-40lbs in a year and a half.
OP here. This makes a lot of sense I would bet my life that this isn't a weed problem. This kid is rarely out and about--doesn't go to parties, doesn't go out much period.
Goes to school, does a ton of homework, plays soccer, occasionally goes to dinner with a friend. She's a straight arrow. Doesn't even drink. I've never smelled a whiff of weed on her.
There are really very few hours in the week when her time is not accounted for at our house or at school. I know people are going to say that a kid could do anything on the down low if
given even an hour but I really, really don't think she is smoking weed on the low dow.
(I have another kid who spends hours and hours away from home with friends, at parties, etc--now he could be do just about anything and I wouldn't be surprised by it---I'm not naive at all about kids and their activities).
I'm going to email her doctor and ask to have her labs checked. (lipids, thyroid, blood glucose etc). Something does not add up. I figured out how to check her pediatrician's portal and her weight a year ago was 144 and she's easily 25 pounds heavier (if I'm any judge of weight--which I'm not but I would have honestly guessed she's up by 30 pounds over a year ago). She's a sturdier and strong person at baseline so a 144 on her was a size 6 (whereas it might be an 8 on a super light/slender frame, etc).
UGH. I hate this talk of weight and sizes and all the rest. Hopefully we come up with something. Of all the issues I thought I'd deal with older kids, I hadn't thought of this one because it's not been a major issue in my own life (or that of my husband). Obviously it's not a crisis but it is a quiet and growing concern.
Edible have no smell, to pick up on the point of PP.
I posted earlier about PCOS, have fasting INSULIN checked, not just glucose. Optimal to avoid symptoms is under 5, the "normal" range is based on population and goes well into territory that could cause symptoms. If fasting insulin is over 5, these articles may be useful
https://www.tuitnutrition.com/2019/06/pcos.html
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pill-not-remedy/
Her weight is not some deep secret if none of her clothes fit. You need to be practical about this, OP.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 14:04
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
Has your DD expressed concern when she couldn't fit into her clothes from last year? When you secure the doctor's appointment, tell her your thoughts. People won't agree, but I would ask her for her thoughts.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 13:16
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
Anonymous wrote:I think people saying that a mother cannot discuss this at all, even in purely health-related terms, with their 17 year old are really projecting. There is a big difference between fat or diet shaming an 11 year old and discussing a 30-40 lb one year weight gain with a 17 year old. You have to be able to have the latter conversation.
I think this could be PCOS/hormonal or thyroid related... but most likely this is going to be a life-long issue and you need to be equipped to discuss it. Remember that 16-17 is also when most girls basically stop growing. It's possible that her food consumption was fine when she was growing, but is now excessive to her caloric needs; different people have very different baselines and many, many overweight people eat exactly like non-overweight people, it's just too much food for their bodies.
…if you are of the opinion that their bodies are not acceptable. If you are of the opinion that people have different baselines and many overweight people eat exactly like non-overweight people and their body just ends up looking different, then your issue is really with how they look. If it’s your own body we are talking about, that’s your business. If the mom rules out possible bonafide medical conditions by seeing a doctor and it is determined that daughter’s reasonable activity level and food consumption just happens to result in an overweight body, then it’s really up to her whether she wants to restrict calories and increase exercise, or whether she is fine with eating to satiety and playing her sport as she has been and existing with her current body.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 13:14
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
Press the doctor to check for thyroid hormones TSH, T4, T3, Free T3, Free T4.
Also check for pre-diabetes, vitamin D
I wish I had those tests done and a knowledgeable doctor to help me when I was 17. All I had was a brother making fun of my increasing belly fat, a sister who was playing model in front of me, and a bunch of ignorant people judging me.
Also check for pre-diabetes, vitamin D
I wish I had those tests done and a knowledgeable doctor to help me when I was 17. All I had was a brother making fun of my increasing belly fat, a sister who was playing model in front of me, and a bunch of ignorant people judging me.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 12:58
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
OP are you also short? Because it is really easy to gain weight steadily as a short person if you eat like everyone else around you. It adds up over time, and your clothing sizes go up faster since there is less body mass for it to spread out.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 12:56
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
YOU do not have the conversation with her. You take her to the doctor. Message ahead of time about the weight gain and say NOTHING to your daughter. Let them evaluate. They have her baseline weight from last year. Leave the room when they discuss it.
And throw out the scale that you purchased.
And throw out the scale that you purchased.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 12:49
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
I think people saying that a mother cannot discuss this at all, even in purely health-related terms, with their 17 year old are really projecting. There is a big difference between fat or diet shaming an 11 year old and discussing a 30-40 lb one year weight gain with a 17 year old. You have to be able to have the latter conversation.
I think this could be PCOS/hormonal or thyroid related... but most likely this is going to be a life-long issue and you need to be equipped to discuss it. Remember that 16-17 is also when most girls basically stop growing. It's possible that her food consumption was fine when she was growing, but is now excessive to her caloric needs; different people have very different baselines and many, many overweight people eat exactly like non-overweight people, it's just too much food for their bodies.
I think this could be PCOS/hormonal or thyroid related... but most likely this is going to be a life-long issue and you need to be equipped to discuss it. Remember that 16-17 is also when most girls basically stop growing. It's possible that her food consumption was fine when she was growing, but is now excessive to her caloric needs; different people have very different baselines and many, many overweight people eat exactly like non-overweight people, it's just too much food for their bodies.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 12:47
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
I had some wild weight fluctuations as a teen.
Causes:
Undiagnosed thyroid disease. I had Graves Disease, which makes you lose weight. However I had some wildly fluctuating low/high thyroid levels prior to diagnosis.
Binge eating. This is usually done in secret. You might not find wrappers/receipts, but it could still be happening. It is embarrassing and I hate to talk about it!
Also, please make sure the doc checks for:
Other hormonal irregularities. Might need an Endo or Gynecologist. Adrenal?
Anemia. I have very low iron and as an adult tend to be tired and gain weight when I don’t take iron supplements.
Depression. I think we have all been there at some point. It has been a rough couple of years for teens in particular.
I hope you can help your daughter figure things out.
It’s all in the phrasing. Saying you are concerned that she does not appear to be feeling her best, and needs to go to her doctor and do blood work. I would mention rapid weight gain as a symptom, not an aesthetic problem. Rapid weight gain outside of puberty is a symptom that something in your body isn’t working correctly. Also, point out that weight fluctuations, to a point are normal. This is not and you are concerned about possible underlying conditions or deficiencies.
Also, what conditions run in your family? If I had though about this earlier or my parents had brought it up to me, I would not have spent 5 years feeling terrible all the time!
Causes:
Undiagnosed thyroid disease. I had Graves Disease, which makes you lose weight. However I had some wildly fluctuating low/high thyroid levels prior to diagnosis.
Binge eating. This is usually done in secret. You might not find wrappers/receipts, but it could still be happening. It is embarrassing and I hate to talk about it!
Also, please make sure the doc checks for:
Other hormonal irregularities. Might need an Endo or Gynecologist. Adrenal?
Anemia. I have very low iron and as an adult tend to be tired and gain weight when I don’t take iron supplements.
Depression. I think we have all been there at some point. It has been a rough couple of years for teens in particular.
I hope you can help your daughter figure things out.
It’s all in the phrasing. Saying you are concerned that she does not appear to be feeling her best, and needs to go to her doctor and do blood work. I would mention rapid weight gain as a symptom, not an aesthetic problem. Rapid weight gain outside of puberty is a symptom that something in your body isn’t working correctly. Also, point out that weight fluctuations, to a point are normal. This is not and you are concerned about possible underlying conditions or deficiencies.
Also, what conditions run in your family? If I had though about this earlier or my parents had brought it up to me, I would not have spent 5 years feeling terrible all the time!
Anonymous
09/27/2023 12:38
Subject: Re:rapid weight gain in a teen
Check for prediabetes.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 12:35
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
Anonymous wrote:
She’s 17! Talk to her! You sound a little nuts. You’re talking about her like she’s 10.
Huh? I'm not talking about her like she's 10. I'm reporting facts in a post. Geez. Don't be an ass.
I'm finding this to be really complex. I don't find it easy to bring up weight, shape, appearance as an issue with my teenage daughter. I have so many friends who had mothers who harped about their weight because they weren't a perfect size 6 and it damaged the relationship and it damaged their own self esteem. I 100% think there is a time and place for these conversations but it doesn't make it easy to tease it out.
I'm a NP. I agree completely that body and appearance issues do need to be handled with care. It's tricky. But it helps to just keep framing it in terms of health, never appearance. A good doctor will do that, too. Good luck!
Though we are heavier, we are actually not stupid and your “framing it” in terms of health and not appearance is thinly veiled and we know what you’re actually upset about.
Anonymous
09/27/2023 12:33
Subject: rapid weight gain in a teen
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:She’s 17, not 7. You need to have a conversation about it. This isn’t a situation where you can say the wrong thing and ruin everything.
Her body may just be different from yours. There’s nothing she can’t do as a size 12, including play sports.
Or there’s something wrong medically and/or eating-wise.
It’s 99.5% out of your hands. She’s nearly an adult and it’s her body. So just have a conversation about it and wrap your head around it being mostly out of your control for more than one reason.
np I couldn't disagree more. I'm sure the dd has eyes and knows she has gained weight. As an almost an adult she doesn't need her parents to shame her about her weight. Let the doctor take the lead. Say nothing. If she brings it up than you can mention something but, do not make it an issue.
For background history and why I am sensitive about weight: My mom was always harping on my weight. Look if telling someone that they need to lose weight actually helped people lose weight we would all be skinny. It does not. It is very hurtful to believe that your parents seem not to love you because of how you look. My mom always said it was "about my health" but, that was a lie. My mom is extreme case but, if you value your relationship tread very very carefully.
+1. I would really tread very carefully about this. Some of the comments you’ve made are very hurtful, like the idea that you bought her size 10-12 clothes that you consider “temporary” as though that size isn’t allowed to be her permanent size or anything and that it’s outside of what could be considered normal. Of course you should take her to get checked and see if there is something medical going on that requires treatment (other posters have given examples). But there are others who do not have other health conditions other than our bodies just have stockier shapes and set points just as some people have various other body characteristics that just exist like being more hairy or having short nailbeds or flat feet or food allergies. But somehow weight is something we judge and shame people about as though it’s entirely in their control and we all start from the same place (we don’t).