East Asian dual physician household here chiming in. My husband makes $800-900 and I make about $500-600. We have many many south asian friend couples in this income range as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Related question - how much are you "pressuring" your own kids to end up in the types of high paying professions you pursued - tech, dr, lawyer from a top law school?

Do you think it matters because life is expensive and you still want them to be on top financially - to have the best mansions and Teslas that you have [or whatever the equivalent fancy goods will be when they're 30]? Or do you feel like - you've sacrificed to build family wealth so now they can do what they want even if that's urban planning or non profits or being a teacher?

This is a myth. DC was born with a medical condition and I truly hoped that she would grow up to be a doctor to help kids. DC has no interest in biology and I am encouraging her to follow what she likes

I'm glad this is a myth nowadays. When I was growing up in the 90s in NJ - born and raised in the US to immigrant parents - it def was not a myth. For myself and all of my friends, our parents made clear that the career option they wanted was DOCTOR, if you truly could not do that [like you didn't have the aptitude in bio/chem to get in], then you could consider engineering or investment banking (only if you went to a school like Wharton and only bc we were close to NYC) or law (again ivy league law schools only). I mean my parents were "reasonable" in that they didn't pressure us to be doctors but let us pick between medicine, law, and finance but that was it. I had other friends in high school who absolutely forced them into medicine when they did not want to go. These people are now age 40+ slogging away in medicine and they hate it and yes it has strained parental relationships, while the parents sit there and say - so what if you aren't "happy" look how rich you are. Meanwhile these 40+ year olds hate their day to day lives. I'm not suggesting I know TONS of people in this boat, but I do know multiple people in this boat.

So I'm glad the parents of today are encouraging their kids to explore and decide on professions that won't make them miserable for 40 years.

You’ll have to define what you mean by these “strained relationships.” I’ve almost never seen an Indian person who has a poor relationship with their parents – and, as an Indian, I’ve been around Indians my whole life. And certainly I’ve never seen the type of behavior that routinely gets recommended in the DCUM family forum: “If your mother brings up that topic again, just hang up on her.”

Don’t get me wrong – Indians certainly have their faults. A big one has already been addressed in this thread, that is, an excessive focus on money and status. I can just say I have almost never seen badly strained parental relationships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Related question - how much are you "pressuring" your own kids to end up in the types of high paying professions you pursued - tech, dr, lawyer from a top law school?

Do you think it matters because life is expensive and you still want them to be on top financially - to have the best mansions and Teslas that you have [or whatever the equivalent fancy goods will be when they're 30]? Or do you feel like - you've sacrificed to build family wealth so now they can do what they want even if that's urban planning or non profits or being a teacher?

This is a myth. DC was born with a medical condition and I truly hoped that she would grow up to be a doctor to help kids. DC has no interest in biology and I am encouraging her to follow what she likes

I'm glad this is a myth nowadays. When I was growing up in the 90s in NJ - born and raised in the US to immigrant parents - it def was not a myth. For myself and all of my friends, our parents made clear that the career option they wanted was DOCTOR, if you truly could not do that [like you didn't have the aptitude in bio/chem to get in], then you could consider engineering or investment banking (only if you went to a school like Wharton and only bc we were close to NYC) or law (again ivy league law schools only). I mean my parents were "reasonable" in that they didn't pressure us to be doctors but let us pick between medicine, law, and finance but that was it. I had other friends in high school who absolutely forced them into medicine when they did not want to go. These people are now age 40+ slogging away in medicine and they hate it and yes it has strained parental relationships, while the parents sit there and say - so what if you aren't "happy" look how rich you are. Meanwhile these 40+ year olds hate their day to day lives. I'm not suggesting I know TONS of people in this boat, but I do know multiple people in this boat.

So I'm glad the parents of today are encouraging their kids to explore and decide on professions that won't make them miserable for 40 years.

Anonymous wrote:Related question - how much are you "pressuring" your own kids to end up in the types of high paying professions you pursued - tech, dr, lawyer from a top law school?

Do you think it matters because life is expensive and you still want them to be on top financially - to have the best mansions and Teslas that you have [or whatever the equivalent fancy goods will be when they're 30]? Or do you feel like - you've sacrificed to build family wealth so now they can do what they want even if that's urban planning or non profits or being a teacher?

This is a myth. DC was born with a medical condition and I truly hoped that she would grow up to be a doctor to help kids. DC has no interest in biology and I am encouraging her to follow what she likes

Related question - how much are you "pressuring" your own kids to end up in the types of high paying professions you pursued - tech, dr, lawyer from a top law school?

Do you think it matters because life is expensive and you still want them to be on top financially - to have the best mansions and Teslas that you have [or whatever the equivalent fancy goods will be when they're 30]? Or do you feel like - you've sacrificed to build family wealth so now they can do what they want even if that's urban planning or non profits or being a teacher?

Me: 49, Fed, $140k.
Spouse (white): 50, Fed, 160k.

Yes, red Teslas and Indians are a thing.

https://www.cartoq.com/tesla-model-3-indias-first-car-arrives-in-blood-red-colour/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Underachiever here - age 43 - 225k as a lawyer at a financial regulator. Did the biglaw thing for 8 years so I guess I made money there, but not the type of money that associates make now and I had no prayer of making partner. Yes I'm plenty Americanized with ivy degrees and all but coming up for partner in 2008 in NYC didn't help - no one was going to stick their neck out for me and my career never recovered. So here I am stuck in government.

you are not an underachiever....

Objectively I get that but it doesn't feel that way when every uncle in town - and to an extent my own parents - are constantly like partner partner partner, you didn't make partner, after all that money your parents spent sending you to the ivys blah blah. They act like the 2008 recession was a personal failing. Sure I guess it was a personal failing to not want to jump to another firm and slog it out for another 5 years to try to make it, but I just didn't have it in me to work the 80-90 hr NYC weeks for that much longer with no guarantees; another thing these uncles - most of whom never worked more than 40.0 hours a day in their lives in engineering do not understand. (I do understand that many many Indian immigrants slogged out much much longer hours, but the ones judging me were all in engineering and all had the 40 hours and I'm checked out by 5 pm lives.)

You need to live your life per what pleases you. Tell your uncles, parents they are no longer in the “old country” where you’re never good enough as a person if you don’t excel professionally. Life really is very temporary, a game of sorts and sadly the legacy Indian culture is blind to this fact. Refreshingly with newer generations, I’m seeing Indian kids become teachers, journalists, firemen, cops, chefs, etc. The fear factor decreases with each generation.

+1000. I frankly wouldn't even tell them anything bc you can't teach a 70 or 80 year old who isn't willing to learn. Just ignore, live your life, enjoy your great salary and benefits while NOT working 90 hours/week.

But listen sometimes about how unhappy some of these 70-80+ year olds in our community really are. They never lived their own lives - it was all about what THEIR mommies and daddies wanted them to do and then they turned around and hovered over their own kids for the next 30 years. I mean it's sad that an entire generation of elders lived life out of obligation, to impress the Patels or the Khans or whomever, and really don't even know themselves, their own likes/dislikes, don't have any hobbies besides counting money - their own and everyone else's. And now all they can do is sit around and gossip about you - because the only way to feel better is to put someone else down.

I'm super proud of our younger generations - the kids who are currently in their 20s. Their 50 year old parents have backed off to an extent - and if they haven't - these 21 year olds have no problem telling mom and dad to shove it, as they get jobs in urban planning, speech therapy, and whatever else they want to do. Sorry auntie and uncle, not everyone dreams of being an engineer, dr, or lawyer.

Anonymous wrote:48. 850k lawyer

where? in house or young partner?

My 2 friends married Indian guys in tech and law. Both are Mid 30s SAHMs now. Have to think $1m earners.

I’m a little envious tbh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Underachiever here - age 43 - 225k as a lawyer at a financial regulator. Did the biglaw thing for 8 years so I guess I made money there, but not the type of money that associates make now and I had no prayer of making partner. Yes I'm plenty Americanized with ivy degrees and all but coming up for partner in 2008 in NYC didn't help - no one was going to stick their neck out for me and my career never recovered. So here I am stuck in government.

you are not an underachiever....

Objectively I get that but it doesn't feel that way when every uncle in town - and to an extent my own parents - are constantly like partner partner partner, you didn't make partner, after all that money your parents spent sending you to the ivys blah blah. They act like the 2008 recession was a personal failing. Sure I guess it was a personal failing to not want to jump to another firm and slog it out for another 5 years to try to make it, but I just didn't have it in me to work the 80-90 hr NYC weeks for that much longer with no guarantees; another thing these uncles - most of whom never worked more than 40.0 hours a day in their lives in engineering do not understand. (I do understand that many many Indian immigrants slogged out much much longer hours, but the ones judging me were all in engineering and all had the 40 hours and I'm checked out by 5 pm lives.)

You need to live your life per what pleases you. Tell your uncles, parents they are no longer in the “old country” where you’re never good enough as a person if you don’t excel professionally. Life really is very temporary, a game of sorts and sadly the legacy Indian culture is blind to this fact. Refreshingly with newer generations, I’m seeing Indian kids become teachers, journalists, firemen, cops, chefs, etc. The fear factor decreases with each generation.

Surprised by all the low HHI….

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Underachiever here - age 43 - 225k as a lawyer at a financial regulator. Did the biglaw thing for 8 years so I guess I made money there, but not the type of money that associates make now and I had no prayer of making partner. Yes I'm plenty Americanized with ivy degrees and all but coming up for partner in 2008 in NYC didn't help - no one was going to stick their neck out for me and my career never recovered. So here I am stuck in government.

you are not an underachiever....

Objectively I get that but it doesn't feel that way when every uncle in town - and to an extent my own parents - are constantly like partner partner partner, you didn't make partner, after all that money your parents spent sending you to the ivys blah blah. They act like the 2008 recession was a personal failing. Sure I guess it was a personal failing to not want to jump to another firm and slog it out for another 5 years to try to make it, but I just didn't have it in me to work the 80-90 hr NYC weeks for that much longer with no guarantees; another thing these uncles - most of whom never worked more than 40.0 hours a day in their lives in engineering do not understand. (I do understand that many many Indian immigrants slogged out much much longer hours, but the ones judging me were all in engineering and all had the 40 hours and I'm checked out by 5 pm lives.)

If anyone started telling me I was an underachiever for being at the Fed or SEC or whichever regulator you're at, I'd bring it up often how hard it is to get a lawyer job at these places. I mean these people love selectivity - so they'd get to hear about it ad nauseum from me until they shut up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Underachiever here - age 43 - 225k as a lawyer at a financial regulator. Did the biglaw thing for 8 years so I guess I made money there, but not the type of money that associates make now and I had no prayer of making partner. Yes I'm plenty Americanized with ivy degrees and all but coming up for partner in 2008 in NYC didn't help - no one was going to stick their neck out for me and my career never recovered. So here I am stuck in government.

you are not an underachiever....

Objectively I get that but it doesn't feel that way when every uncle in town - and to an extent my own parents - are constantly like partner partner partner, you didn't make partner, after all that money your parents spent sending you to the ivys blah blah. They act like the 2008 recession was a personal failing. Sure I guess it was a personal failing to not want to jump to another firm and slog it out for another 5 years to try to make it, but I just didn't have it in me to work the 80-90 hr NYC weeks for that much longer with no guarantees; another thing these uncles - most of whom never worked more than 40.0 hours a day in their lives in engineering do not understand. (I do understand that many many Indian immigrants slogged out much much longer hours, but the ones judging me were all in engineering and all had the 40 hours and I'm checked out by 5 pm lives.)

Anonymous wrote:Underachiever here - age 43 - 225k as a lawyer at a financial regulator. Did the biglaw thing for 8 years so I guess I made money there, but not the type of money that associates make now and I had no prayer of making partner. Yes I'm plenty Americanized with ivy degrees and all but coming up for partner in 2008 in NYC didn't help - no one was going to stick their neck out for me and my career never recovered. So here I am stuck in government.

you are not an underachiever....