Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 15:42     Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:OP here... would you consider financial situations? Sibling A has made no effort to save and has made many life decisions that have put them in a lesser financial situation (though far from destitute). Sibling B makes a decent income (but not extravagant) but lives very frugally and has saved since the first job out of college when they made a very meager salary.

Sibling A is also child free and Sibling B is not.

Curious the thoughts on this?
Leave a small amount to each grandchild and then 50/50 to each child. Or fund some of grandchildren’s college before you die and then split the rest 50/50.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 15:42     Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think it's odd that there's not specific money set aside for our child, but I don't really know how this works. I kind of thought they'd set aside $X for the one grandchild and split the rest evenly between siblings. Instead they said they were going to just do 50/50; fine, we can set money aside for our DC. But now they are going back and wanting to revise it to not make the split equal and give more to the sibling without a child.


I see how couples decide to split assets all the time in my career. It is VERY rare for money to be left directly to grandchildren amongst my clients. The assumption most of them make is that by leaving it to their children, the grandchildren will then benefit. A lot assume it will be used for college, weddings, etc. anyway and honestly, it often does. It also gets complicated to leave money directly to a minor/young person. I've also seen where a 20 year old gambled away a huge inheritance. Sure you can set up a trust, but they're complex, annoying, and not even foolproof against the money getting blown. And because of this mindset, 50/50 (or evenly, depending on number of children) is how the vast majority divide up their assets. No parent wants to start playing the game of which child deserves more or less based on success or life choices.


In DH's case, his parents have basically spent the money that his paternal grandparents left for their grandkids. Yes, there was modest money allotted on a few occasions (e.g., wedding, house, etc) but was presented as a gift from DH's parents. He only later learned through his cousin that the money was really from the grandparents.

I get not wanting to blow it, but also can see why someone might want to take the middlepeople out of the equation.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 15:30     Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think it's odd that there's not specific money set aside for our child, but I don't really know how this works. I kind of thought they'd set aside $X for the one grandchild and split the rest evenly between siblings. Instead they said they were going to just do 50/50; fine, we can set money aside for our DC. But now they are going back and wanting to revise it to not make the split equal and give more to the sibling without a child.


I see how couples decide to split assets all the time in my career. It is VERY rare for money to be left directly to grandchildren amongst my clients. The assumption most of them make is that by leaving it to their children, the grandchildren will then benefit. A lot assume it will be used for college, weddings, etc. anyway and honestly, it often does. It also gets complicated to leave money directly to a minor/young person. I've also seen where a 20 year old gambled away a huge inheritance. Sure you can set up a trust, but they're complex, annoying, and not even foolproof against the money getting blown. And because of this mindset, 50/50 (or evenly, depending on number of children) is how the vast majority divide up their assets. No parent wants to start playing the game of which child deserves more or less based on success or life choices.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 15:25     Subject: Inheritance Question
We siblings cared deeply for our parents. After their deaths, I realized they had a favorite. But the split was even. It would have been deeply painful otherwise. Am considering an education fund for my grandchildren with my less frugal offspring.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 14:24     Subject: Inheritance Question
My mom’s estate will be divided equally among siblings when she passes and she is now mentally incapacitated so nothing will change at this point. We siblings all live in different cities and moved her where I am bc they had no intentions of stepping up in any caregiving capacity. In my future estate planning, I will set aside a sizable amount for whomever has taken on my eldercare responsibilities, should that situation come to pass.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 14:10     Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:Equal share to each adult child no matter how many kids each of them have. This allows the parents to designate where the money goes (529 or their mortgage). Also, keep in mind, if you receive money from your parents, you are able to give it to your sibling if you want.


OP here. Why would I give sibling money if they are getting more than me?
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 14:05     Subject: Inheritance Question
Equal share to each adult child no matter how many kids each of them have. This allows the parents to designate where the money goes (529 or their mortgage). Also, keep in mind, if you receive money from your parents, you are able to give it to your sibling if you want.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 13:54     Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:I am from a farming family. My dad’s will is set up to be a bit unequal because most of the assets are land.

I specifically asked him to divide the different plots however he wants, just don’t leave me owning property WITH my brother. We barely get along, and I know he would try to screw me. That would be the last straw for us ever speaking again.


BTW, to be clear I am the sibling getting less. I am fine with that. My brother is also terrible with money and I am doing fine.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 13:54     Subject: Inheritance Question
OP here. I think it's odd that there's not specific money set aside for our child, but I don't really know how this works. I kind of thought they'd set aside $X for the one grandchild and split the rest evenly between siblings. Instead they said they were going to just do 50/50; fine, we can set money aside for our DC. But now they are going back and wanting to revise it to not make the split equal and give more to the sibling without a child.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 13:51     Subject: Inheritance Question
I am from a farming family. My dad’s will is set up to be a bit unequal because most of the assets are land.

I specifically asked him to divide the different plots however he wants, just don’t leave me owning property WITH my brother. We barely get along, and I know he would try to screw me. That would be the last straw for us ever speaking again.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 13:45     Subject: Inheritance Question
I think it'd be ok to say you feel you're being penalized for your discipline with money and ask they if they're scared sib A will become destitute once they're gone.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 13:28     Subject: Re:Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sure. I would leave my child, who has some health issues, a lot more than the one who doesn't.

Also, I would consider their life circumstances outside of health.


Would the extra money actually make a difference for the child with health issues? Would it be worth the possible sibling friction from the sibling who feels symbolically (and actually!) less valued?



Wow! You would wish your children to be jealous and feel it's their problem? Why not divide equally and if one felt the other needed it more they can give it to them. Talk openly with them about this. That way the healthy one can feel magnanimous when they give the money to the other. Why do you want your kids to feel bad? Your wierd!
I actually think the one who doesn't have the health issue would want us to do this.

If there were friction, then I am fine with that. Inheritance money does not belong to any person aside from the owner and how we see to distribute it is up to us. If one child is jealous, then that's his/her problem.


I don't wish my children to be jealous because I don't think they SHOULD feel that way over money that isn't theirs. It is not a gift to which no one is entitled. Simple as that.


Like to correct that statement: It is a gift to which no one is entitled.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 13:27     Subject: Re:Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sure. I would leave my child, who has some health issues, a lot more than the one who doesn't.

Also, I would consider their life circumstances outside of health.


Would the extra money actually make a difference for the child with health issues? Would it be worth the possible sibling friction from the sibling who feels symbolically (and actually!) less valued?



Wow! You would wish your children to be jealous and feel it's their problem? Why not divide equally and if one felt the other needed it more they can give it to them. Talk openly with them about this. That way the healthy one can feel magnanimous when they give the money to the other. Why do you want your kids to feel bad? Your wierd!
I actually think the one who doesn't have the health issue would want us to do this.

If there were friction, then I am fine with that. Inheritance money does not belong to any person aside from the owner and how we see to distribute it is up to us. If one child is jealous, then that's his/her problem.


I don't wish my children to be jealous because I don't think they SHOULD feel that way over money that isn't theirs. It is not a gift to which no one is entitled. Simple as that.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 12:21     Subject: Re:Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sure. I would leave my child, who has some health issues, a lot more than the one who doesn't.

Also, I would consider their life circumstances outside of health.


Would the extra money actually make a difference for the child with health issues? Would it be worth the possible sibling friction from the sibling who feels symbolically (and actually!) less valued?



Wow! You would wish your children to be jealous and feel it's their problem? Why not divide equally and if one felt the other needed it more they can give it to them. Talk openly with them about this. That way the healthy one can feel magnanimous when they give the money to the other. Why do you want your kids to feel bad? Your wierd!
I actually think the one who doesn't have the health issue would want us to do this.

If there were friction, then I am fine with that. Inheritance money does not belong to any person aside from the owner and how we see to distribute it is up to us. If one child is jealous, then that's his/her problem.
Anonymous
Post 09/26/2023 12:18     Subject: Inheritance Question
Anonymous wrote:OP here... would you consider financial situations? Sibling A has made no effort to save and has made many life decisions that have put them in a lesser financial situation (though far from destitute). Sibling B makes a decent income (but not extravagant) but lives very frugally and has saved since the first job out of college when they made a very meager salary.

Sibling A is also child free and Sibling B is not.

Curious the thoughts on this?


Well, if you were my parents you would punish the diligent one who saved and sacrificed and reward the one who makes poor choices. If you were me, I would divide equally.