Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have severe anxiety and before I was in treatment I would react like this (occasionally, and not as extreme as this DH sounds- but I would be mean in an unhelpful way). Now I am in therapy and it doesn’t happen anymore, I’ve worked (hard) on coping mechanisms.

But if your DH doesn’t see a problem, you can’t fix it.

This post above is perceptive--and useful. OP, re-read it. Then look at your own post. You say this one incident is an example of a normal day in your marriage. Don't focus on the one incident (I know, easy to say but hard to do, but you need big picture focus now).

Focus on this: If this is normal for you -- and it is absolutely not normal in any remotely healthy relationship -- is it possible that, like the PP above, your DH has a much, much deeper issue?

Sit down solo, write out a list of what seems to trigger these things, events, times of day, how long this has been going on, etc. If this is a change and he didn't used to turn on you and act this way, then realize that a change is a huge red flag for things like anxiety, depression (which in men often comes out as anger, OP!), etc. In other words, this may not be about him or about you or about the marriage; it may be about his having a condition that manifests in behaviors like these. That is NOT an excuse for his behavior, but it may be an explanation, OP. Sit and really think it through and then I'd make an appointment for him to see his doctor for an overall health screening and I'd tell him that it needs to include depression/anxiety screening as well, and that you have already made an appointment with a marriage therapist. Stat. If he continues, or refuses, tell him you are going to consider separating.

I really hope you don't have kids. If you do, I'd move even faster to separate physically while deciding if he is ill and would agree to treatment or not.

I am a woman who used to be in a relationship with an emotionally and verbally abusive man, and I am exhausted just by reading this. You know what? It is not my responsibility to invest time, money and mental energy trying to diagnose the reasons for my husband or partner's abuse. Any abuse - emotional, verbal or physical - is a valid reason to end the relationship immediately. Abused women, whether wives or girlfriends, do not owe a duty of care to their abuser to cure them of their abuse or get them treatment for their abuse.

I wish someone (like one of the many therapists we saw) would have told me this. It would have saved me years.

As for another PP, who mocked OP for being scared - this is part of the pattern of behavior that is abuse. Read up on "coercive control". Abusers often start with non-physical but boundary-crossing verbal behavior like OP describes. It is a sort of test. If the recipient doesn't enforce the boundary, the abuser continues to escalate the behavior.

In my relationship with my abuser, it took 8 years to escalate from non-abuse to near physical abuse. I left when he verbally "threatened to beat the crap out of me" and punched a hole in the bedroom wall.

Emotional or verbal abuse often escalates to physical abuse.

OP, whether you have kids or not, leave. No woman deserves to live like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Now he has proceeded to stone wall me and throw me dirty looks all evening.

You have a martyr complex. You like being a part of this dynamic. Just another regular Monday for you, ha ha ha.

+1

Excellent point.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Now he has proceeded to stone wall me and throw me dirty looks all evening.

You have a martyr complex. You like being a part of this dynamic. Just another regular Monday for you, ha ha ha.

He has a girlfriend and had plans to meet her for “lunch” had to get rid of you first though and didn’t want to have to feel guilty about the “fun” he was about to have so had to make you a villain.

Otherwise he might not have been able to rise to the occasion. Anger for a man is a great aphrodisiac.

He obviously isn’t the type of guy who can compartmentalize with grace, so your days are numbered, prepare yourself for the bombshell.

She’s pregnant and he’s leaving you.

Troll fail.

OP, are you the one that posts monthly about how awful your DH is to you but never do anything about it? Then you expect a change in behavior? What is the purpose of your posts if you just want to complain and continue to live a miserable life?

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Now he has proceeded to stone wall me and throw me dirty looks all evening.

Are you even reading the responses you’ve gotten? This is life with your DH. Period. He’s a man-child. Make peace with it or leave.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Now he has proceeded to stone wall me and throw me dirty looks all evening.

OP, google “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay.” There are pdfs available online I believe.

When I was in a relationship with someone who sounds a lot like your husband, that book opened my eyes and gave me the strength to do what otherwise felt impossible: leave him and start over.

I have been married for many years now to the loveliest, funniest, hottest, kindest man. When we disagree, we do so respectfully and without ever trying to hurt each other. He doesn’t seem to see any of the flaws in me that my ex saw. I am so in love with him. And if I had never met him, if I were alone right now with no prospects on the horizon, I’d still be better off than if I’d stayed with my ex.

If what you’ve shared with us isn’t an isolated incident, I suspect the same would be true for you. And you know what? The love of your life may be around the corner or across town right now. You’ll never find him, though, as long as you stay with this person. Sure, you vowed to love him. But he told you he hates you. Even worse, he treats you like he hates you.

Do google that book. Or, if you have a kindle and he doesn’t share your family library, buy it here: https://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step-Step/dp/0452275350

Time to split up, OP.

Why do you stay, OP?

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Now he has proceeded to stone wall me and throw me dirty looks all evening.

At this point, OP, nothing you say is going to change people's responses.

Op here. Now he has proceeded to stone wall me and throw me dirty looks all evening.

“I don’t like when he loses his cool like this”

You proceeding to enable him by responding “baby” says it happens often and you have no self esteem. Get it together, OP. This is childish and inexcusable. Why haven’t you left?

Anonymous[b wrote:]You two are both idiots[/b]. Deserve each other.

\
How do you figure the wife is the idiot?

Anonymous wrote:OP's self-esteem must be in tatters to put up with this. What happened in her life to make her think she deserved to be treated like dirt? People treat their dogs better than OP's husband treats her.

+1

Agree. OP, get your sh&t together. Get away from this loser. You could be with a nice guy that treats you well....