Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to be a jerk to someone who loves you completely and unconditionally.

If he’s a good enough guy to want him around your kids, then he probably will try and do what you want if he feels that you love and respect him.

Why don’t you just try acting like a loving wife for a week and see how it goes. Be the kind of wife that you hope your son will have one day.

maybe she would be more loving if he was more of a man and father.

It’s not really about him. It’s about showing your kids what a kind and loving spouse looks like. If he’s not going to do it, she can.

That's right.. show your son how he can be a bum and let his wife do everything.

I have a DS and DD. DH teaches our son to be a good father and man. I feel sorry for OP's kids because they see what a lackluster father they have.

My father said his father was basically a bum, and his mother did everything. That stuck with him till her death when she was in her 80s.

I mean, she could try to change the dynamic in their marriage so that they are both nice to each other and her husband does more around the house. Or she could at least be like, “this is how your wife should treat you because this is how wives treat their husbands.”

Or she can keep doing this where her kids learn that one person in the marriage is the bum, and one is a martyr who treats the other with contempt, and the kids can decide which partner they want to be.

what makes you think OP wasn't nice in the beginning when her lazy DH was slacking off? You are assuming he became this way because she was mean to him.

He needs to grow up. He has kids. No matter how she treats him he should parent and take care of his kids. He's an immature man/boy, and most women don't aren't attracted to immature men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to be a jerk to someone who loves you completely and unconditionally.

If he’s a good enough guy to want him around your kids, then he probably will try and do what you want if he feels that you love and respect him.

Why don’t you just try acting like a loving wife for a week and see how it goes. Be the kind of wife that you hope your son will have one day.

maybe she would be more loving if he was more of a man and father.

It’s not really about him. It’s about showing your kids what a kind and loving spouse looks like. If he’s not going to do it, she can.

That's right.. show your son how he can be a bum and let his wife do everything.

I have a DS and DD. DH teaches our son to be a good father and man. I feel sorry for OP's kids because they see what a lackluster father they have.

My father said his father was basically a bum, and his mother did everything. That stuck with him till her death when she was in her 80s.

I mean, she could try to change the dynamic in their marriage so that they are both nice to each other and her husband does more around the house. Or she could at least be like, “this is how your wife should treat you because this is how wives treat their husbands.”

Or she can keep doing this where her kids learn that one person in the marriage is the bum, and one is a martyr who treats the other with contempt, and the kids can decide which partner they want to be.

OP said "I've also stated the problem fairly clearly to him and he does the half asked "well i asked you about your day yesterday and cleaned up the kitchen once" like that changes years of the dynamic."

Here is the problem: She has not been clear.

Here is what she should say to her husband: "I am still horny and want to have sex all of the time, but not with you. But that can change that. I don't F*** you because you don't pull your weight around here and it is unattractive. Nothing dries out my p*ssy more than a lazy man, which is what your are. If you really put in an effort, I will F*** you five times a week. If you don't, I will eventually look elsewhere. You decide."

You don’t even LIKE this man

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to be a jerk to someone who loves you completely and unconditionally.

If he’s a good enough guy to want him around your kids, then he probably will try and do what you want if he feels that you love and respect him.

Why don’t you just try acting like a loving wife for a week and see how it goes. Be the kind of wife that you hope your son will have one day.

maybe she would be more loving if he was more of a man and father.

It’s not really about him. It’s about showing your kids what a kind and loving spouse looks like. If he’s not going to do it, she can.

That's right.. show your son how he can be a bum and let his wife do everything.

I have a DS and DD. DH teaches our son to be a good father and man. I feel sorry for OP's kids because they see what a lackluster father they have.

My father said his father was basically a bum, and his mother did everything. That stuck with him till her death when she was in her 80s.

I think this is pretty common, and it’s a cycle. I don’t have a good answer for you, but I hardly think you’re the only spouse who feels like this. I think sometimes it’s hard to tell what comes first—you stop being attracted to the other person and then everything they do becomes annoying or if they are annoying and therefore become unattractive. I tend to think it’s usually the former because you can think someone is an ass but still hot, but it’d a lot harder to want to have sex with someone just because they’re nice—try as some might.

In the same boat. Husband constantly looking for affection but then does whatever he wants, does not shoulder any household responsibilities and basically plays video games all night, while I take care of the kids, home, and have a high stress job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to be a jerk to someone who loves you completely and unconditionally.

If he’s a good enough guy to want him around your kids, then he probably will try and do what you want if he feels that you love and respect him.

Why don’t you just try acting like a loving wife for a week and see how it goes. Be the kind of wife that you hope your son will have one day.

maybe she would be more loving if he was more of a man and father.

It’s not really about him. It’s about showing your kids what a kind and loving spouse looks like. If he’s not going to do it, she can.

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to be a jerk to someone who loves you completely and unconditionally.

If he’s a good enough guy to want him around your kids, then he probably will try and do what you want if he feels that you love and respect him.

Why don’t you just try acting like a loving wife for a week and see how it goes. Be the kind of wife that you hope your son will have one day.

maybe she would be more loving if he was more of a man and father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so many marriages among my friends - the wife says hubby is hitting her up for more sex and she's like why do you possibly think i'd want to have sex with you when you just let me shoulder so much of the burden in our lives while you "try your best"

I can answer this. When H finally agreed to go to therapy - it was that or divorce - I realized he literally did not hear me when I thought I was being totally blunt. It was not until the therapist told him, "If you want to stay marriage, you need to pick up more chores around the house," that he began to understand. My H was adamantly opposed to me quitting work or cutting back to part time but just stopped when he "got tired." He could not understand that "just stopping" when we were out of clean clothes and dishes, and lunches needed to be packed, was not an option.

Quoting again to add: the result was that H agreed to do half of the necessary things but nothing he deemed "extra." I fought it for a while, but then realized that if I wanted to entertain, or teach the children to send thank you notes, or participate in certain activities, it would all be on me. He believed that the bare minimum cleaning, eating, etc. was all that was required.

That's most men - bare minimum parenting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title is wrong. You aren't frigid. You just don't want to have sex with a man you have come to resent and look down on (which I don't blame you).

PSA to men: most women don't want to have sex with men that they dislike.

He should dump you or cheat on you.

She's already about to cheat on him because he's such a lazy bum.

Anonymous wrote:OP does not love her husband. Why even bother?

OP's DH doesn't love her or their kids, it seems. So , yea, why bother?

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to be a jerk to someone who loves you completely and unconditionally.

If he’s a good enough guy to want him around your kids, then he probably will try and do what you want if he feels that you love and respect him.

Why don’t you just try acting like a loving wife for a week and see how it goes. Be the kind of wife that you hope your son will have one day.

🙄

OP does not love her husband. Why even bother?

It’s really hard to be a jerk to someone who loves you completely and unconditionally.

If he’s a good enough guy to want him around your kids, then he probably will try and do what you want if he feels that you love and respect him.

Why don’t you just try acting like a loving wife for a week and see how it goes. Be the kind of wife that you hope your son will have one day.